Brother is nit just autistic but also a psychopath

NAS74162 said:

often says he doesn't care shes gone and literally said she was a d head so he doesnt care shes gone.

I don't know but that could be quite natural. Sometimes parents, or grandparents, can treat children quite differently. If he felt rejected by her while she lived it would make sense if he rejected her after her death.

NAS74162 said:

He used to try to watch us having sex by spying through the curtains one time.

While obviously not ok it is better to light a candle than curse the dark. Surely you can understand why your brother might be jelious of your sexual relationships? In fact doing it in the room next door could almost be rubbing his face in it. It certainly something some one needs to talk to him about and explain is not ok but by the same token you might help things by not doing that while he's around.

NAS74162 said:

He is practically always playing with himself upstairs and is CONSTANTLY talking about sex and getting laid he is literally obsessed with sex.

And if you were still a virgin I expect you might be too. I mean you are basically on the internet complaining to strangers about how your brother is making it hard for you to get laid.

NAS74162 said:

It's  ot the fact he has autism but he is a psychopath on top of that

you keep using that word but I don't think you really know what it means

NAS74162 said:

I don't know what to do?

Well have you thought about talking to him? Maybe asking him why he does what he does? Maybe see if you can help make his life better? If not for him then for you. Would make him easier to live with.

Well, you know him better than I do, of course. I don't know him at all. I will say, though, that people can say very insensitive, inappropriate things on the surface while feeling things very deeply on the inside. It could be that he's trying to deny his feelings by saying horrible things that he doesn't mean. Of course saying such things is still wrong, though, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I'm wondering exactly what you're asking us? Are you asking us about resources? If yes then a few clicks on this website should take you to helplines etc. If your mum won't do anything about it, though, then nothing we say will change that. I'm really sorry if this sounds blunt, but as a sibling, the only power you have is to express your thoughts and feelings; it's difficult for you to actually do anything about the situation because unfortunately, unless you're an official carer for your brother, those decisions are up to your brother and your parents. As others have said, if it's possible to distance yourself from your brother then perhaps that would be the best option for you. Even if you have to have things to do with him now - I don't know how old you are, if you're too young to leave home, maybe - in the future you'll have your own home and your own life and you won't even have to be in contact with him if you don't want to.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother, and that you're having such a hard time. My heart goes out to you.

I don't think OP is calling all Autistic people psychopaths...they acknowledge that they're sure their brother has other issues apart from Autism.

Great way to insult anyone who is Autistic - calling them psychopaths. Ever looked in a mirror? There's  an ignorant judgemental person staring back at you.

So sorry your brother is being such a pain. I think someone professional needs to have another look at him. It could be his autism processing things wrongfully or like you say something else, but only a professional person can really determine that. 

hmm, again id suggest perhaps hes covering up his sadness with a display of opposite emotions.
especially if you say hes gotten loud about it more now shes dead... maybe hes just holding in his sadness in a way in which you instead say the opposite thing. i hold in sadness alot aswel and say things i dont mean and even say sarcastic stuff, its a coping mechanism, and its a way to avoid letting emotion out. kinda like when you hit your head on something and pretend it doesnt hurt then pretend you liked it instead or didnt feel it and that youd totally do it again, but actually it really hurt and your close to tears.

ehhhh i dunno i dont think id chalk that down to autism like your mum keeps blaming it on...

could be that he just wasnt close to his grandma and didnt see her enough or form any bond and thus to him shes just another person. but still if he loves his mother and sees his mother crying over his grandmothers loss id expect that would make him feel sadness for his mother... perhaps thats why he doesnt wanna go to the funeral? perhaps he actually does feel sadness, but maybe sadness for his mothers sadness... perhaps he doesnt wanna be seen by anyone to be crying? maybe even saying mean stuff about his grandmother could even be a mask in a way of him covering up sadness with showing opposite feeling?

but otherwise being sex obssessed and foul mouthed i wouldnt chalk it down to autism, but rather chav culture, and chalk it down to society instead. thats the way society is these days, kids grow up like that all chavvy and obsessed with beer, sex and football and seemingly have no care for others. thats not autism, thats just englands shitty modern day society.

I'm sorry to hear about your Nan. How old are you? Can you move out?

Life is full of humans focusing on their own survival and needs. Perhaps you could make a plan to focus on yours at this point. It might even be beneficial to go down a path of studying psychology or neurology or at least begin to create a vision and make a plan for your future life. I probably wouldn't want to listen to my siblings, either. I moved out at 17 and I know a few friends who had difficult homes they left at 16. 

I could go in-depth at what classifies psyopaths from what I've read, but I doubt it would help.  Even an introduction to Freud then Lacan and branching off to more individuals I prefer like Felix Guattari and his theories... It's like saying someone has cancer. I'm not qualified to assess that. To make a case to your mum would take assessing how you grew up, the cause and effects of her interactions with you both, you'd need to list recurring "systems of exchange" if you think it has been hindering his growth. It does sound like your grandmother could see problems but she may have had trouble with the way he's wired and maybe he was incredibly aware and impacted by how she felt about him. His response could be relief of her being gone: years of feeling judged by her over. 

You're in a difficult place... sorry to hear. For me, the only way to get beyond a no-win situation was research, study, and removing myself from harmful situations when my boundaries weren't respected. If that meant I slept on a friends couch for a month, so be it.

Does your brother visit any therapists or psychologists?

I think your mother is much too enabling of your brother's behaviors, and dismissive of your concerns. I don't think she'll do anything about it, considering that she thinks all these strange behaviors are just traits of autism, and it seems she does not know much beyond that. 

I think that if you get an opinion from a health care professional about your brother's behaviors, maybe through a hotline, or from a resource centre, or by even trying to just talk to your doctor about it, that can be an extremely helpful wealth of information. Because if you only tell your family expecting them to do something about it, they most likely will not see it as a problem, they might enable bad behavior, they might dismissive about what you say, and they likely just want to keep you silent. 

If your parents are not willing to do anything about it, your brother will likely continue to grow into a bigger and more uncontrollable problem as the years go on, until he's society's problem and not just your family's problem anymore. I mean years of reinforcing any type of behavior only makes it grow stronger, and even if everyone hopes that a bad person will change to be a good person one day, that does not happen if that individual is only practicing bad behaviors every single day. As time goes on, that individual will likely not even see their own behaviors as problematic anymore, because it's normal for to them to behave in that bad way. 

I really do hope that you can get your family to go to a psychologist so that they can reassess your brother's behavior, because you really can tell something more is going on than just autism. 

You misunderstand some people do not know how to show empathy but straight up calling someones mother your own grandmother a d head and saying that you do not care just a week after she has passed away has nothing to do with not knowing how to show empathy he is absolutely void of it.. im telling you in person it is clear as day that he does not care. 

He has been enjoying his time recently if not even more knowing my gran is no longer being cared for at home by hospice nurses so he feels he can just be as loud as he wants to now even though we are all still grieving as my gran did actually live with us for almost 6 years.

And also I do not mean it to sound patronising I know where you're comming from... I myself have ADHD and some people who have never come across it seem to think I am utterly disabled at first word lol. Its just my whole life my mother has said its just because he has autism and I'm just trying to make a point that autism has nothing to do with it although yes I do know autistim makes emotions difficult etc but he is empty it is literally all about his own happiness.

We haven't sent him to anybody my mum just doesn't bother with it at all she would just ignore me if I asked to send him to the GP for some type of help/therapy. Even my gran told my mother before she passed he needed help multiple times I swear.

Sometimes people do feel empathy but just don't know how to show it, or they express it in an unconventional way that people don't understand. I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Your brother's behaviour surrounding her death must be so hard for you to deal with. It could be that he is actually overwhelmed by feelings and just doesn't know how to express them. Sometimes people are manipulative but it isn't their intention - their behaviour is challenging due to their own internal distress, leading to them lashing out and therefore inadvertently manipulating. The frustration around sex is telling, I think; it sounds like he has a lot of pent up aggression.

I think maybe throwing around labels like 'psychopath' isn't helpful to him or you or your family. Has a psychiatrist or medical person ever applied that label to him? If yes then ignore me, they know best, but if this is speculation on you, his or your family's part, I'd say it's a woolly term that carries a lot of stigma and I think very few people know what it actually means. As for a psychiatric ward, most of the time they don't admit people to help them recover from long term mental health, emotional or personality issues...they admit people who are in crisis and are an immediate danger to themselves and/or others. They don't 'sort people out' long term. In fact, often going onto a ward makes things worse, because people go in there with a lot of other unwell people who engage in destructive behaviours, so it adds fuel to the fire. I live in terror of going into a unit for my eating disorder, which is looking like a very real possibility at the moment, but I don't think being there will be too great for my Autism or my anorexia, to be honest. I'll be fed and got up to a safer weight and that's pretty much it. It won't cure me long term.

I think a good thing might be to look at the services the NAS provide, as well as seeking help from your brother's GP, might be a good place to start. I have to say I think you should also be more careful with your language...saying that there are a lot of 'very loveable people with Autism who are very sweet' has a slightly patronising tone (please don't think I'm criticising you, I see you're in a horrible situation and are doing your best, and none of us know everything, I'm just trying to give you an Autistic person's perspective). Us Autistic adults are adults like everyone else, and slightly infantilising statements are hard to deal with. I get defensive when I feel patronised. Is there any way that you can connect with your brother, adult to adult? Some kind of common ground you can meet on? I think a good thing you could do is talk to him like a grown man. This might help with the anger.

If you ever feel physically unsafe, though, whatever his issues, that's domestic abuse and people can help. Perhaps a mod will have some helplines? You deserve to feel safe and comfortable. Take care, all my best to you and your family.