Published on 12, July, 2020
Please know that I'm not writing this to be deliberately inflammatory or provocative, or to have a go at anyone here, but I just feel so isolated as an Autistic woman. Most other Autistic people I've engaged with are men, and seem to have quite a different presentation and outlook on life to me. They are often very blunt, whereas I'm not. When I get emotional, they don't seem to understand - I've been accused of 'emotionally exploding', for example, simply for expressing that I felt uncomfortable with a conversation. It's more than that, though, to be honest I'm finding it quite hard to explain in logical terms...I just don't feel I fit in in the Autism world or the neurotypical world, and I'm wondering if this is because I'm female. Does anyone else feel this way?
Yes I agree. Although I would add that I think the "female presentation" can also be applied to men so I think there's an "atypical" presentation but it's quite common. I dont think its helpful to look at it in terms of gender because this excludes non binary people. Having said that, if we didn't have these distinctions, a lot of women including myself probably wouldn't get diagnosed. This is just my opinion. I don't feel I fit in with either camp - AS or "NT". I don't feel I have a lot in common with a lot of people on the spectrum, however this is just my judgements from coming on here and reading up on the net or watching youtube. I don't feel like a geek or nerd. I dont like using AS language like 'meltdown' or 'stimming' .I have friends, I have a job (I don't go from one job to another which I have read is common for people on the spectrum). I feel somewhere in the middle and I don't know what my preference is. My friends are unconventional but I don't think they're on the spectrum. Having said that, a lot of people get on my nerves but i couldnt tell you if this is because theyre NT or AS. I too can be "over emotional". Also, Im not blunt. I put this down to being very socially aware and not wanting to cause trouble. I can't handle conflict. Being blunt is something I definitely don't relate to. I've read about different types of masking and I think my life choices have been a type of masking and very much helped shape the idea that I am somewhere in between. Also, not knowing about being AS until 6 months ago so I haven't held myself back in life.
I find men easier to talk to. Yes, women are more chatty and provide more cues but men just seem to tax my brain far less. I can talk to men if they are chatty. If they're expecting me to "be the woman" and lead, then I struggle.
I don't feel weird enough to be full on Aspie but I feel a bit too weird for normal circles. I'm happy with that. I'm my own person.
Hi. I am a female, feminine, straight aspie and I also find that people who present as men are easier to talk to than those who present as women. I love being on my own (though I am married to an NT man) but when I have been in a social situation, I can usually chat to an NT man quite comfortably. I feel that they are not judging me and are treating me as an equal. I have chatted to a couple of men on the autistic spectrum recently, but I felt less comfortable. I got the impression that they didn't view me as an equal, more of a mother figure. They even showed me their minor bodily wounds as if I was supposed to tend to them. I have two children and I don't want any more! However, I am sure that all the men on here are lovely! (I am a typical female peacemaker!) I definitely do not connect with NT women. For example, I volunteer at a charity shop and the other day, the female manager and assistant manager engaged in banter/low-level bullying by telling me I was being too quiet. I was simply getting on with the task they set me! I don't really mind, but it made clear I am not going to be friends with them. I don't know any female aspies in person. For now, I am content with just chatting on here.
There's one AS woman at work (and a couple I suspect to be AS with my own personal Aspie-dar) who I find very easy to talk to. Just straight forward and I find my brain doesn't have to do as much work. It feels quite natural.
I think I'm lucky where I work as I'm mostly on my own from colleagues during the day but can dip in and out. When I think of other jobs where I've worked with mostly women, yes, it's been sometimes more difficult. Especially with the ones who were similar in age to me when I was in my twenties.
I hate, hate being told I'm quiet. Although this hasn't happened for years. But when it did, I was always made to feel that being quiet was somehow wrong. It's my natural demeanour. It makes other people uncomfortable. As a woman we are supposed to be the social ones. Men can get away with it (he's the strong silent type) but there's more expectation on women (what's wrong with her? Why's she being so quiet?) A lot of people struggle with quiet because they can't work it out. In the past and even a certain extent now, I feel a duty to talk. This could be the mask I've built up. I'm gradually learning this doesn't need to be so.
I too love being on my own. I think my partner and I work well together as we understand each others' needs.