Published on 12, July, 2020
Please know that I'm not writing this to be deliberately inflammatory or provocative, or to have a go at anyone here, but I just feel so isolated as an Autistic woman. Most other Autistic people I've engaged with are men, and seem to have quite a different presentation and outlook on life to me. They are often very blunt, whereas I'm not. When I get emotional, they don't seem to understand - I've been accused of 'emotionally exploding', for example, simply for expressing that I felt uncomfortable with a conversation. It's more than that, though, to be honest I'm finding it quite hard to explain in logical terms...I just don't feel I fit in in the Autism world or the neurotypical world, and I'm wondering if this is because I'm female. Does anyone else feel this way?
Yes I agree. Although I would add that I think the "female presentation" can also be applied to men so I think there's an "atypical" presentation but it's quite common. I dont think its helpful to look at it in terms of gender because this excludes non binary people. Having said that, if we didn't have these distinctions, a lot of women including myself probably wouldn't get diagnosed. This is just my opinion. I don't feel I fit in with either camp - AS or "NT". I don't feel I have a lot in common with a lot of people on the spectrum, however this is just my judgements from coming on here and reading up on the net or watching youtube. I don't feel like a geek or nerd. I dont like using AS language like 'meltdown' or 'stimming' .I have friends, I have a job (I don't go from one job to another which I have read is common for people on the spectrum). I feel somewhere in the middle and I don't know what my preference is. My friends are unconventional but I don't think they're on the spectrum. Having said that, a lot of people get on my nerves but i couldnt tell you if this is because theyre NT or AS. I too can be "over emotional". Also, Im not blunt. I put this down to being very socially aware and not wanting to cause trouble. I can't handle conflict. Being blunt is something I definitely don't relate to. I've read about different types of masking and I think my life choices have been a type of masking and very much helped shape the idea that I am somewhere in between. Also, not knowing about being AS until 6 months ago so I haven't held myself back in life.
I find men easier to talk to. Yes, women are more chatty and provide more cues but men just seem to tax my brain far less. I can talk to men if they are chatty. If they're expecting me to "be the woman" and lead, then I struggle.
I don't feel weird enough to be full on Aspie but I feel a bit too weird for normal circles. I'm happy with that. I'm my own person.
Hi. I am a female, feminine, straight aspie and I also find that people who present as men are easier to talk to than those who present as women. I love being on my own (though I am married to an NT man) but when I have been in a social situation, I can usually chat to an NT man quite comfortably. I feel that they are not judging me and are treating me as an equal. I have chatted to a couple of men on the autistic spectrum recently, but I felt less comfortable. I got the impression that they didn't view me as an equal, more of a mother figure. They even showed me their minor bodily wounds as if I was supposed to tend to them. I have two children and I don't want any more! However, I am sure that all the men on here are lovely! (I am a typical female peacemaker!) I definitely do not connect with NT women. For example, I volunteer at a charity shop and the other day, the female manager and assistant manager engaged in banter/low-level bullying by telling me I was being too quiet. I was simply getting on with the task they set me! I don't really mind, but it made clear I am not going to be friends with them. I don't know any female aspies in person. For now, I am content with just chatting on here.