Online autistic identity

well yeah social media isnt very nice to be yourself on.... i have been banned from nearly everything now.

youtube = they banned me for so called political lies, when it wasnt a lie, i just pointed out how the remain side of brexit cheated the budget by allowing themselves to have 9 million cost of leaflets to not be counted in their budget, thats not a lie, its a fact.

twitter = banned for hardly anything at all, that site is very ban happy... they will ban you just for saying hello...

facebook = banned every single month for like 100 months and now i just recieved a perma ban lol

social media is a joke and it is very picky and only wants certain select views to be represented and doesnt even tolerate a person who states all sides views and all options neutrally and tries to discuss the pros and cons of each side for discussion onto which is overall better.

you can't it needs for another SN to come up and offer it some competition but right now thats pretty hard to do.

I get why the term HFA has issues but that would probably describe me.

Talking to random people in a museum sounds like my idea of torture though!

A lot depends on *your* experience of what autistic really means to you.   Do you feel you would fit well with (I hate this phrase) 'lower functioning' autistic people or do you feel you're more HFA.

If you feel HFA is more your thing, then you'll find most museums are stuffed with them - all into their special interest and loving talking to others about it..

Where do you feel you would fit?

After going through phases of deactivating and reactivating my FB account, I finally deleted it. People get so uncomfortable with so many things (bluntness, 'oversharing', certain jokes etc). I found FB to be quite restricting, because I felt pressured to pretend to be somebody I'm not on there, and hype up my happiness and successes. 

Another thing that annoyed me about it is that most people I know pretend to be someone they're not on there! Like they have their 'online persona', which is nothing like their real selves. I had a conversation about this with one of my NT friends, who just shrugged and said "that's just the way it is". Total waste of energy. I'd rather just chat to my friends one on one on WhatsApp and IRL.

Yes, finding our truth seems to be a tricky balance. Do we put ourselves out there and open ourselves up or do we remain guarded. I find this is my general dilemma at the moment, not just online. 

The scenarios you describe really echo my thinking.

I tried separate accounts - all in my own name but with differing target audiences: I am sure that has not been a success.

When I worked, there was a giant wall between personal and professional online personas (thank you LinkedIn and also fake Facebook names)

And now, with a diagnosis behind me... all i really want to do is live MY truth - whatever on earth that looks like -  and not hurt anyone in the process... :(   

:)

I use Instagram for my special interest - knitting and crochet mainly. Not advertised as me being autistic but I do have conversations on there with others about autism.

Twitter account 1 - work-related stuff

Twitter account 2 - openly autistic General chit chat

Facebook - family/friends, not openly autistic

I started the 2nd Twitter for autism and general chit chat recently as I was originally being openly autistic on my primary account but I was blurring lines really between my work identity and my personal needs as a newly diagnosed autistic woman.

I dont feel I want to make a big announcement that I'm autistic to friends and family so I've not bothered with Facebook. I know it would only result in questions I dont want to answer. 

Wow that was a long post from me! Wasn't planning on that! 

This topic is something I've been pondering for a long time, and since discovering I'm on the spectrum, it makes a lot more sense why I was confused about it.

Since learning I'm on the spectrum, I have been actively reducing my online presence, which basically involved stopping using accounts that suggested I was being my 'whole self' on there, rather than focusing on an interest only. I was using those accounts as you described - NT compliant. I realised that for a decade or two I've been specialising in creating an online persona for myself, which would change slightly to fit each purpose. I was very good and even worked in online marketing, advising people in their online strategies. Also, specialised in the analytics behind the strategies - so keeping tabs on algorithms (mostly Google, though, rather than social). It's nice to think now that I had turned my autistic traits and learned skills into something useful!

But the same problems kept affecting me - I kept asking myself if people liked that persona or if they liked me. Did they like only the positive stories I shared, or would they like me including my darker days, my troubles.

It also seemed like people much preferred the distance that passively liking/commenting on a post gives, rather than direct interaction. I've heard others suggest this - so I don't think this is due to my autistic traits (at least not on their own), it's certainly an issue with social media.

What bugged me was that I could share something profound to me - something deep, personal, perhaps something joyful or troubling - and people might read it on their phone while trying to distract themselves from their own lives, so they weren't really engaging in the posts, they're using Facebook to escape their own lives. They could be sat on the loo!! Or waiting for a bus. Social media seems to be about self-serving, not genuinely connecting with others. I find this forum different - I'm not obliged to keep up a profile page or interact with others' profiles, instead we're connecting over specific topics.

I'm done with the days of keeping up one of those generic social media profiles. Yet I am still enjoying using social media as outlets for specific interests - I think that's where most of the positive experiences lie for me. That basically excludes Facebook. Since deactivating that I have felt some subtle stress lift off my shoulders - it's liberating not to worry about another "me" out in the world that I need to check is masking enough, normal enough, not too weird, not ignoring people, not posting too much, to little... etc. etc. I trust genuine friends will stay in touch through direct means and that's now a better gauge for me when it comes to sincere friendships. I miss the acquaintances on Facebook, but somehow, I doubt they've noticed I've vanished! Many know or could find another way to contact me if they cared, but haven't. It has been hard to realise how small my genuine friendship circle is, but it confirmed what I felt underneath.

I love the graphic you shared - I definitely don't always know who or what I am. I change and don't want to be tied to an artificial profile, either. Even choosing my username and profile photo on here was difficult enough. I'm more than those, and also not those at all. Yet I understand names and identities are useful!

That's cool.

I think I'm just looking for ways to more fully engage with an autistic community without throwing it in the face of people who don't want to know / can't deal with it...

I totally appreciate FB for that use - but I can do that with e-mail already - completely privately with CC and BCC

And my friends already know me so there's no need for any 'persona'.

It is what you make of it.

I only have 'freinds' I have met in real life. We post positive comments, pictures of nature and such, and jokes.

I 'hide' or 'block' anyone with horrid views or who are trying to push political or religious agendas at me.

There are special interest groups for pretty much anything and many of those can be genuinely helpful.

*If you are cautious* it can be a great tool to interact and learn while avoiding some of the social interactions some people find problematic.

Peter said:

now Most people have their settings so that anything that might Indicate their personality is friends only.

Yeah - the whole visible face seems to be either secret or fake - so how can anyone interface to that in any logical or genuine way?

Once Facebook was a usefull social tool. Especially for students who had just moved into an area and needed to make friends.

you could see who was in your university department and year, sometimes even the same course / lecture.

peoples publicly viewable about sections told you Something about their personality. Movies they liked, music they were into etc.

you could see who in your area had things in common with you and strike up a conversation online.

you could find the friend of a friend you were chatting to last night and get in contact directly instead of waiting for the next time you’re friend invited you both out.

you could see what events your friends were going to and ask if you could tag along.
people would post photos of great nights out, student pranks and general banter.

‭now Most people have their settings so that anything that might Indicate their personality is friends only.

some people don’t even put their actual faces on it anymore and a lot of people don’t use events or a least their upcoming events are no longer visible to friends.
where before there were pictures of nightclubs and giant  snow phalus Now there are lots of posts on politics.

What do people do on facebook?    Is there interaction or is it just people bragging?  (I recently created a profile to try to find people from my past but it seems useless)