Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm relatively new to the forum - I appreciate hearing other people's experiences here because it has been helping me overcome something: denial of my challenges.
I've been so deep in denial that I've closed off memories of my past when things were at their worst and I felt beyond my limit. But slowly these memories have started to come back, especially now I'm seeking ways to learn about my own autistic traits (beyond the generic descriptions) and find ways to support myself now and in the future.
I have been denying my struggles on the inside: the pain, the stress, the health issues (most likely linked with huge levels of stress over years). I've been masking for myself (not just others).
The problem today is that I'm doing WELL! (Ha, I know, that doesn't sound like a problem). But when I'm relaxed, doing well, reasonably healthy and so on... I can pass as non-autistic and fool myself. I forget my sensory sensitivities and my limited capacity to process things, for example, yet I think I try to forget these on purpose (on a sub conscious level).
Have any of you been through this process of recognising and accepting your challenges after so long of denying them to yourself?
I welcome any thoughts or experiences if you're comfortable sharing them.
[Post edited 02/06/21 to simplify it and make it clearer what I'm asking about.]
Mine is more about recognising my emotions and not shutting them off/ misunderstanding them. I was brought up and trained to always put others first, to the point of denying that I had needs or wants or interests of my own. In the last few years I've been focusing on myself and my life, rather than other people all the time. Asking, what do III want? what do III need?
I'm not sure that's what you asked though.
I've done a similar sort of thing. I loved Costume history, studied it and went into theatre work. Obviously being undiagnosed, I struggled and didn't understand why, I went into retail work for a break and never went back to it. Since then, I've gotten more and more lost, focused more on trying to belong to a group of people that I actually had nothing in common with. I honestly don't know (and really don't care) what is happening on Eastenders). I stopped talking about costume because everyone around me seemed bored when I discussed it, I stopped trying to keep up with my sewing skills because I'm not interested in modern fashion at all.
In the last few years, I've discovered the Historybounding community who talk incessantly about period costume, there is an emphasis in using historic style to create modern outfits and it's putting me back in touch with the person I always wanted to be. Because of the community, I've also discovered that I can find the type of work I want to do and I'm currently working at bringing my skills and my health back up to where they need to be so I can do exactly that.
It's like no longer trying to meet everyone else's expectations and finally beginning to figure out who I am for the first time in my life.
I've come to accept that life isn't meant to be 'Fair'. There are supposed to be winners and losers. As a kid, I tried to hang out with the winners; but felt more comfortable with the losers. School isn't the right environment for children; as far as I'm concerned.
Yes, I should clarify that my mother was a teacher for 30 years, she didn't have a fraction of this red tape. My husband is a teacher and I was a teacher and teaching assistant for 10 years. I saw how teachers bend over backwards for their students (not literally) and yet still get blamed by the government and parents. Grrr.
Yet when I say to people 'are you going to train as a teacher, you think it's an easy job, you could do well at it.' Out come the excuses...er...I don't like kids...I like my current job...etc. etc!
As chair of governors to 2 schools until recently I agree with you. Most teachers love their vocation and are so frustrated by the red tape that they have to contend with on a daily basis.
We were so lucky that a) a Montessori nursery opened just before our daughter was born so she went there aged 2-4.
b) both her primary and secondary schools got new, dynamic headteachers a few years before she joined them, so she got the benefit of their visionary leadership. Before them, both schools had terrible reputations but now they are oversubscribed. Both schools have done wonders for her. It was her secondary school which recommended she get assessed for autism.
So I'm contradicting myself, but in general the education system leaves much to be desired in Britain. Generally because teachers are treated badly, disrespected, paid poorly, and even mocked by the government. I have only met a few bad teachers, 99% of them are dedicated professionals who break their necks to support their students.
There have been endless reviews and changes to the education system since 2000 and schools don't know whether they are coming or going. I wish the government would get a competent minister for Education, decide on a system and stick with it to end the confusion.
That is my rant for the day, lol!
I have a son now, and I'd do anything to find an alternative for him. But I know that he will have to follow a similar path as there is no alternative. I can't afford to home school him.
Best chance we have is to choose a nursery & then schools with good reputations, and just help him as much as I can, but it's going to really difficult to watch. I was bullied, a bit in work as well, so it will being back a lot of memories I think
I agree, school is a terrible introduction to life and the world. It needs to be rethought completely.
I agree. I feel school pits children against each other, forming a natural hierarchy, the intelligent Vs the less so, the strong Vs the weaker, the popular Vs the insular, the wealth Vs the poor.
It starts society on a path of inequality and prejudice in my opinion