Can't find like minded people you connect with ?

The problem with most of us auties is we don't know where we fit so assumptions are made along NT lines and thought processes.       That's doomed to fail.

I really think you need to dig deep into your childhood and remember what delighted you as a child.      It's usually easier for blokes because there's easy access to cars, trains, Lego etc. so then it's just a case of finding the particular group that suits best.       The focus of all conversations will be about a 'thing' or a defined subject so it's really easy to keep up and learn the rules - it lights all the specialist subject parts of you brain.   Communication can be as simple as grunts of approval 

It's much harder for women - unless they're into bloke-stuff.    Most 'female interest' groups like history or book clubs will include a lot of communication skills - lots of masking and maybe some politics.    It's much harder to break into.       A lot of the typical female-interests are solo pursuits too - needlework, jewellery, toy making etc. so it's hard to make a friend group.

I spent years trying to be interested in the normal girl stuff, soap operas, fashion, makeup. I wasted so many years trying to fit in and not looking weird. Never figured out that I was expending energy on being miserable.

I even gave up my costume work because I was too focused on the social aspect and getting worn out when I just needed to focus on the core skills which made me happy and would have helped me to build my career. There seems to always be an emphasis on women being social creatures. I still can't convince my lot at work not to give me a birthday card each year.

I've joined an online Costume History group which is great for me, as it's helping me tap into the type of thing I enjoy, but even there, there is a substantial amount of social etiquette that I have to be mindful of, even if it's predominantly online at the moment.

I just asked a question about corset patterns, I made it clear that I had the skills and knowledge, (Just being lazy and didn't want to draft a pattern) I still had people 'advising me' very basic things. The urge to point out that not only have they not actually answered the question, but have also insulted my knowledge on the subject is strong, but I know that will cause me issues within the group. It's all politics as much as it is about the shared interest.

Politics is definitely a dominant feature of general social interaction. Often autistic individuals do not respect social hierarchy structures. I know I don’t. With regard to social connection I find that I am only really interested in trust, truth and enlightened self-interest. I have no use for casual interaction or personal aggrandisement. I recognise competence as the only trait that should determine position in any hierarchy and I find it almost impossible to conceal any of this. It is possible that I have become compromised by my resentment of conventional social behaviour. Because honestly? I believe politics may be the very science of evil. By it’s very nature it values popularity achieved through social conflict which I find utterly reprehensible. Obviously therefore I have genuinely no desire to refine the skill and actively avoid engagement. Even at it’s most well-meaning, what you don’t compromise of your integrity in the conflict is ultimately lost in victory. 

The problem is that the Media tail is wagging the Political dog.

Politics is superseeded by Cult-Worship.

The problem is that the Media tail is wagging the Political dog.

Politics is superseeded by Cult-Worship.