Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello!
I was wondering if anyone else else feels the same way about dating apps?
I’m 40 and single. I was diagnosed with ASD 7 weeks ago and it’s explained why I’ve always struggled in relationships. With everything that’s gone on in the last year, dating apps seem like the only way to meet anyone now. I’ve always found the concept difficult to grasp, very fake, I never know what to say and seem to struggle to match with other people then can’t get my personality across without seeming weird as I have a very dry sense of humour. Now I’m concerned about how someone will react to me being autistic as I’d only be able to be honest about it. I’ve found it’s best for me to avoid the apps altogether, but I don’t want to be alone forever. It’s very frustrating!
As Plastic said, dating apps are very shallow and full of people looking for a shag.
I am like you in that I struggle holding down a relationship. Men find me attractive and unusual at first, but then they don't get my humour, and I've been told by pretty much every ex-boyfriend ever that I am "cringey and embarrassing" in social situations.
Have you tried meetup? I think the best way to meet people (friends or potential partners) is through shared interests/hobbies.
violetdr3amer said:Have you tried meetup? I think the best way to meet people (friends or potential partners) is through shared interests/hobbies.
Yes - meetup is great for a low-risk social scene- I've been a member for over 5 years doing coffee meets, bowling, pizza evenings, pub nights etc.
Have you made any friends through meetup? I tried it before and didn't have any luck - it mostly seems to be people much older than me who have very normal jobs, interests etc
violetdr3amer said:I found with 'alternative' people, attention seeking, immature NTs who seem to be dragging out high school forever.
LOL
See I used to have an eccentric extrovert mask and was open with all my quirks, stims and weird jokes (this was pre-diagnosis) but it backfired spectacularly... people don't like it when a woman acts like that, they get scared.
And yeah that's what I found with 'alternative' people, attention seeking, immature NTs who seem to be dragging out high school forever.
I think you sound perfectly normal to me - it's that ability to find others like you that will help you find yourself.
I'm a twin - I could see I was different to my brother so i created a huge extrovert mask and advertised all my interests so other closeted aspies saw me and felt emboldened to 'come out' about their nerdy interests too - we used to used the art block at lunchtimes to make models and the gym after school for RC cars and RC planes on the weekends in the playing fields.. I'm still in touch with them all.
'Alternative' people tend to be just attention seeking NTs.
Thank you
Yeah I'm a strange person, I don't really fit in anywhere. I am quite geeky, but I'm also very creative, and I'm into tarot and spirituality and stuff like that. I'm also into quite obscure music. I don't really get on with "alternative" people though, as they are so pretentious and cliquy. Most of my friends are quite normal, they're lovely but they don't share my interests so I feel pretty lonely most of the time.
You're obviously very bright - you are just unfortunate in that you haven't found where you fit in life.
I was easy - nerdy bloke - went into engineering - found lots of other nerdy / aspie people there..
Haha thanks. I do have some very obscure interests.
I'm not sure if I'm so high-functioning... I think I just appear high-functioning. I am on benefits as I can't hold down a job, and I have a lot of social difficulties. I've been shunned from pretty much every friendship group I've ever tried to join, lol
Don't take this the wrong way - autistic people can be hard work.
You're better off setting up a niche interest group. from the way you write, you're clearly very high functioning so you need to find others on your wavelength - and your biggest weird interest will attract other people into the same thing - probably other very high functioning ASD people too..
Hmm. Maybe after lockdown I should set up a group for autistic people on meetup... I am not much of a people person though and not sure if I'm fit for the job!