Autism and sexual desire

I'm asexual, which is very common among autistic people. I've spent most of my life being bullied into sex and have a huge amount of trouble trying to navigate those situations as I don't know what I can say no to without triggering anger in the other person. I'm now extremely reticent to form close relationships.

I mean if people get angry because you turn them down for sex when you’re starting to date (or before then) you probably don’t need those people in your life. If people get angry because you’ve been dating for months and you won’t have sex with them then why are they dating an asexual person if sex is important to them. Presumably you tell them early on you are asexual?

Tried to tell the last one that and was told asexuality is not a thing. It's easy to say "you don't need those people in your life" but when you're alone in a room with them, they're twice your size, and you're not sure if you're going to be able to safely get them to leave or get home safely yourself because it's late and dark, it's not that easy.

Tried to tell the last one that and was told asexuality is not a thing. It's easy to say "you don't need those people in your life" but when you're alone in a room with them, they're twice your size, and you're not sure if you're going to be able to safely get them to leave or get home safely yourself because it's late and dark, it's not that easy.

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood where violence was partially normalised. You know what growing up that way teaches you? The best way to be safe is to be prepared for violence. It’s not actually a bad lesson. Provided you remember that there is a difference between being prepared for violence and seeing it as a first resort.

I'm a short guy and not super fit but that’s why I don’t back down. I can’t out run most people and you don’t want to be attacked from behind. Best way to deter an attack is make it clear if attacked you will fight back. 
if you don’t say no in life you’ll be pushed around forever. By bosses, relatives, burocrats, even strangers. What do you do when some chav comes up and asks you for a pound? You learn to say no and if he doesn’t like it be ready with your fists. Otherwise people will take your money your sanity and even your dignity.

It must be nice to be neurotypical enough to be able to tell which situations it is safe to say no in, and in which doing that will lead to violence. Or large enough that violence against you is unlikely.

I'm working on being less physically attractive and more male presenting.

Yeah you really shouldn't have to worry about good friends trying to 'take advantage' when you visit them as it were. That said there is a difference between "making a move" and 'taking advantage.'

Have you ever seen the film the girl who leapt through time? A girl gains the ability to time travel and uses it for every day problem solving. One day her good friend gives he a ride home on his bike and they're really having fun then he asks her out and she's totally unprepared for it. Doesn't want their friendship to end. So she goes back in time to change the topic before he asks her out but no matter how many times she tries he always asks her out. The only way to avoid it was to go back in time and walk home alone.

That's part of life. If you have friends some will fall in love (or lust) with you, even if they know you are asexual. And they will feel compelled to ask you if you can return their feelings. The only absolute way to avoid this is to live a lonely life apart from other people.

But no friend worth calling a friend would ever try to force them-self on you. But they will absolutely wait till you're alone, if they can, before telling you how they feel about you. Few people want to be rejected in front of an audience.

Yes that's what I've been doing for the last few years. I don't go to friends houses if they are someone I don't think I could overpower or outrun. The thing is, it's no good implementing this policy only for people you're officially dating, as there have been dozens of times I thought relationships were purely platonic until the other person made a move. I lose most friends eventually over being this way but it does allow me to stay safe.

No that's not easy at all. Sorry to hear that happened to you. Although if they respond with 'asexuality is not a thing' when you tell them you're asexual thats a huge red flag dating wise. I mean you don't need to go from dating to spending the night all at once. You can go on a few dates feel them out, dump them if there are red flags like 'asexuality is not a thing.' That would be my advice.