Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested if other people are parents. I have two daughters, age 3 and 7. They are part of what prompted me to speak to my GP about autism as I found myself often being very blunt and cold towards them. My 7yr old told her dad that I love my dog more than her because I give it more attention. I do find stroking my dog soothing, whereas I really struggle with my children trying to grab me all the time. I also feel an aversion to their voices if they speak too loud or too much. It feels so horrible to say that as I do love my children. I can't stand being around young children generally because of the noises that they make, so it isnt just my own children. My 3yr old also told her childminder that I don't like her sitting on my knee, which is true but it sounds absolutely awful when she says it to other people so I just laughed it off.
I dont want my children to think I don't love them.
Yes, I have a 15 year old daughter who was also diagnosed with autism in the same month as me! Totally independent journeys to the diagnosis though.
Just say 'I love you' to your children regularly, clearly and genuinely. That's all it takes.
Also, whatever stage they're at, they grow out of it if you just hang on. My daughter was so lovely between the ages of 8-10.
May I ask how your pregnancies were? Mine was so horrendous, I was alone at home sick for most of the 9 months. I didn't have any friends or neighbours I knew so it was terrifying. Socialising with my baby/toddler was horrendous afterwards, the other mums bullied me and I struggled to make friends. All those reasons are why I never had any more children. I needed far more support than I got, which was virtually zero. My husband did his best but he had a full time job and I was basically an invalid. His family didn't help. My mum was angry and jealous. So it was a horrific time.
This is a tricky question to answer really. My first pregnancy I was anxious, convinced something was going to go wrong and unfortunately it did. At my 20 week scan I discovered my daughter had serious heart defects and I was advised to end the pregnancy, so she was born at 22 weeks asleep after various cardiology scans and tests.
My second pregnant was probably understandably stressful and I dreaded any appointments. I was always crying. I had a healthy baby though and then the real problems started. I cried all the time, struggling with her demands such as the crying and breastfeeding. I felt like I HAD to enjoy motherhood after my experience and I put a huge amount of pressure on myself. I really didn't enjoy at least the first 6 months of motherhood though and I felt huge anxiety just leaving the house. It was a relief to go back to work and get away from her. I did make some friends but to be honest I saw them on the same day of the week, at the same time at a play group, and it was easy to be quiet and just listen if I didn't want to speak. They're an odd bunch of women in that we don't really have much in common, but we still meet once or twice a year for a curry. The conversations are always the same.
My third pregnancy I was more anxious than ever during the pregnancy, both about something going wrong and the postnatal depression that I thought I would experience. I broke down several times at work and to my midwife and ended up being referred for CBT. I didnt really fine CBT particularly helpful but I did complete the 6 weeks or whatever it was. I was still anxious about the aftermath of birth but I found I actually enjoyed my youngest daughter more. I put this down to the fact that it wasn't as big a change to my life this time. I expected to be woken up, to have to feed her a lot, to know when life would start to get easier etc.
Both my girls were born by emergency c-section. My eldest was discovered to be breech the day before I went into labour so I was expecting a planned section at the end of the week but I went into labour on Tuesday so it became emergency. I was devastated that my "plan" of a hypnobirth was completely thrown out of the window when I discovered that she was breech so I cried all day and night before I went into labour.
The youngest just wasn't a smooth birth and her heart rate was dropping during contractions. I was less upset at having a c-section with her because I'd done it before and again, I knew what I could expect.
In hindsight, all my problems with pregnancy, childbirth and parenting all revolve around the common theme of unpredictability and change beyond my control. With my newfound knowledge of autism, it isnt really surprising that my experience of parenting my youngest daughter was happier. The only downside is of course the demands of the noise, especially now they are old enough to argue with each other.
Honestly, many days I think why did I want to be a parent and I don't really know the answer. Maybe just to be normal? Following a conventional path in life? I do love my girls but I wish time away because I want them to be quieter!!! I think this is wishful thinking though because they'll have their own kids by the time they start being quiet and then they'll expect me to babysit.
M said:Honestly, many days I think why did I want to be a parent and I don't really know the answer. Maybe just to be normal? Following a conventional path in life?
Have you considered the influence of the "biological-clock" on that one which amounts to the same sort of thing as needing food and water and so on and so fourth, what with the procreation thing being a survival of the species instinct of the body at very least ~ whether the mind is up for it or not!
the app told me to go here ---- i have no idea why but it was funny
It's an old post! Where have you been?!