How do I encourage my partner to get things done?

He may be already overloaded with what's going on in his life so he's at 100% CPU overload.     Any additional requests are logged but never get CPU time as he's processing too many other things.     If he has too many requests nagging on his mind, he may be drowning under the pile and feel inadequately strong enough to bite into the tasks.

Another one can be he's hearing what you say but he's measuring and prioritising your request and it rates as 'I'll do it later' after he's processed all the other stuff in his life.

Another one is *when* you ask him - if he's just walked in the door and needs brain de-fragging time, any requests will represent extra stress and so even a little thing could trigger a meltdown.

We are very bad at explaining what's going on in our brain - you need to get him into a low stress situation so you have access to his 'clean' brain so you can both list out all his worries and stress-generators and find a way to solve them together.    Nagging him will just force him to shutdown.    Throwing a load of emotional blackmail into it will just make him shutdown further.  

If your frustrations are so bad that you need medication to not have a go at him possibly suggests that the way you talk to him will make him feel there's no point starting anything because it won't be done to *your* standard.

You seem to expect him to make all the effort to be 100% 'normal' but what do you do to try walking in his shoes?      Putting up with his behaviour is not helping him at all - you need to understand why we function the way we do.

He may be already overloaded with what's going on in his life so he's at 100% CPU overload.     Any additional requests are logged but never get CPU time as he's processing too many other things.     If he has too many requests nagging on his mind, he may be drowning under the pile and feel inadequately strong enough to bite into the tasks.

Another one can be he's hearing what you say but he's measuring and prioritising your request and it rates as 'I'll do it later' after he's processed all the other stuff in his life.

Another one is *when* you ask him - if he's just walked in the door and needs brain de-fragging time, any requests will represent extra stress and so even a little thing could trigger a meltdown.

We are very bad at explaining what's going on in our brain - you need to get him into a low stress situation so you have access to his 'clean' brain so you can both list out all his worries and stress-generators and find a way to solve them together.    Nagging him will just force him to shutdown.    Throwing a load of emotional blackmail into it will just make him shutdown further.  

If your frustrations are so bad that you need medication to not have a go at him possibly suggests that the way you talk to him will make him feel there's no point starting anything because it won't be done to *your* standard.

You seem to expect him to make all the effort to be 100% 'normal' but what do you do to try walking in his shoes?      Putting up with his behaviour is not helping him at all - you need to understand why we function the way we do.

I had thart with my ex, she was picking up wrong moments and adding emotional blackmail, so my typical response was shut off.

raspberrypie said:

i'm pretty good at doing certain things (cooking, washing dishes, shopping, balancing a checkbook (maybe)) but terrible at most everything else.

very much the same,

Mark (NicheMarket) said:

if anything had ever gone wrong as a result.

and that gives me and excuse to procrastinate with some things forever :P