Published on 12, July, 2020
haven't had one in almost a couple decades, and don't foresee one anytime soon, if ever. it's just too hard being around someone, i need to do things my way, i hate cleaning things (except washing the dishes, i love to cook, although it's often the same exact thing), i don't[ bother screwing in light bulbs that burn out (i use solar lights i carry around and prop up, for crying out loud), and my house is so messy and revolting that i can't have anyone in... i seem to have my own slug-like rhythm, which i don't want others intruding on. in short, i am impossible to be around, and i find others impossible to tolerate, and probably will lash out at them sooner rather than later.
i am very private, very into myself, and don't let others into my world. having another person around, on an intimate or even semi-intimate basis, would just feel like an intrusion. i'd be like a cat on ice. literally. just super uncomfortable and exposed. i can't stand that. it feels like part of my aspergers - this need to be private. there's the social person (try to act normal) and the private person (secret and hidden under wraps). with 'close' friends, i generally am around them only for a couple hours at a time. that's it, without exception.
i feel some in the asd community are very very isolated, while most seem to be fairly or very social. i guess i'm asking the totally isolated ones for their input.
Yea, I've given up on the idea of relationships. I'm not sure I'm that bothered about it, it doesn't feel like a massive loss to me. Maybe one day it will. But not right now it doesn't, Haven't been in a relationship for over 10 years. Haven't even had sexual contact with anyone for over 10 years. If it wasn't for me having a pet bird who is fairly scared of the dark I'd probably be living in the dark at night too, just using a torch or something or the light of the TV if it's on, which mostly it isn't on. Till my routine time to watch TV which is just before bed.
I think a few more F2F friendships and acquaintances (for us both) outside the house would help a great deal with the relationship thing. In some ways, we aren't really that much different to so-called NTs. But lockdown is preventing such friendships from developing; despite my having deliberately retired to make room for more F2F contacts.
agreed