Does anyone hit themselves or bite themselves when really distressed? I've suppressed this behaviour for a few years now but then I have recouring thoughts about doing it and I feel really overwhelmed. Anyone else do this? At the moment my mind loop is how the inlaws way over stepped boundaries which caused us catastrophic issues. I will never forgive what they have put us all through. My husband kept telling me I was wrong, I'd be confused and let them bsack in again. Its caused me so much issues I had 2 breakdowns. I no longer have contact with them, it was an ultimatum to my husband as I could take no more.
This was backed up professionally too, but the lasting damage is done. And every few months I have the battle in my head of what they done, why i didnt set firm boundaries. The mental abuse from them.
I've had counselling over the years. I'm just tired. My words are jumbled I cant say what I need to. Typing is a bit easier. My brains all mixed up because I'm suppressing hitting myself or hurting myself im sure it's making me more overwhelmed
You are exactly where I was a few years ago. I was trying so hard to be correct and perfect (because it's the right thing to do) that I just couldn't process the horrible ways people used and manipulated me - even when I begged them to stop - and they made out I was in the wrong!.
It causes me problems even today- I'd guess most people would class it a ptsd.
I immediately flashback to a Star Trek Next Gen episode where Data builds a daughter and they are both subjected to horrendous abuse that is all completely logical so they are forced to comply by their internal rules. Eventually, the daughter android self-destructs and he just has to be ok with it. Logic trap.
It's the same where you are forced to be abused by your in-laws by the person who should be protecting you from them. Been there, had that (in a work environment).
Try to be strong - the feelings eventually fade so they're less intrusive - time does heal if its allowed to.
The best I can do is send a virtual hug.
Thank you plastic. It brings self loathing, fear, hatred I put up with it and didn't know how to stand up for myself. Just ended up repeatedly hitting my wrist on the wall as couldnt bottle it up anymore :( it's been years now I still struggle so much. Feel trapped and lost
Do you think it's an ASD thing to not know how to stop things or just me being stupid and weak? I'd ask them to stop I'd tell my husband. They all say it's in my head, I'm too sensitive etc etc I know from counselling it wasent and it was terrible treatment
Yes - I find that the more pressure and stress I'm put under, the more my brain jams up with all of the things I should say and my vocabulary reduces down to just two words shouting louder than all the others - and one of those words is OFF!
But I'm trapped in the aspie compulsion to do the right thing so I can't say what I need to say - so I stay mute and I can feel my body start to break down internally. I go into flares where I bleed internally - it's my body's way of getting me out of situations where I'm trapped by logic so I can't remove myself - it 'self harms me' until I have to get away from the source of stress (get signed off sick).
I have to add that while this is happening, I'm sickened by my own brain - it's lack of ability to fight my corner, the stupid rules that I abide by that no-one else does, the rigidity of my logic when all around me are lying to my face. I'm a super qualified engineer capable of changing the world - but getting bullied by an incompetent mental pipsqueak and let down by a company that is simultaneously telling everyone how wonderful they are with inclusion and empowering disabilities sorta grates.....
Hi, I have periods of self harm which I won't describe but I am sure it is due to abuse from a family member as a child. I learned to hate myself and abuse myself.
I've never really figured out how much this has to do with autism, except that it's an outlet for neural processing,like a circuit breaker, that I seem to need.
I'm truly sorry for this. It's a horrible thing to battle with
Completly that, my brains a hazy, jumbled mess and I cant get my words to Express how I truly feel. So frustrating. I hurt my wrist, I cried alot and I'm exhausted now. Round and round it goes :( why are humans so cruel to one another
What's more annoying is we know we have this huge vulnerability to anyone who chooses to exploit it. It's like we're missing our ribcage so anyone who chooses can just grab and squeeze our hearts for their own sport. For a giggle. Or like The Ood from Dr Who - totally vulnerable - for no reason.
I used to *know* that everyone was basically good inside - my naive aspie programming.
Now I've learned after 50 years that most people are just plain horrible - selfish, nasty azzholes and in reality, there are very few honest, nice people out there. Which is kinda depressing.
Are you ok now? Are you able to calm down? Has it 'cleansed' you?