Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone hit themselves or bite themselves when really distressed? I've suppressed this behaviour for a few years now but then I have recouring thoughts about doing it and I feel really overwhelmed. Anyone else do this? At the moment my mind loop is how the inlaws way over stepped boundaries which caused us catastrophic issues. I will never forgive what they have put us all through. My husband kept telling me I was wrong, I'd be confused and let them bsack in again. Its caused me so much issues I had 2 breakdowns. I no longer have contact with them, it was an ultimatum to my husband as I could take no more.
This was backed up professionally too, but the lasting damage is done. And every few months I have the battle in my head of what they done, why i didnt set firm boundaries. The mental abuse from them.
I've had counselling over the years. I'm just tired. My words are jumbled I cant say what I need to. Typing is a bit easier. My brains all mixed up because I'm suppressing hitting myself or hurting myself im sure it's making me more overwhelmed
I used to cut myself but the last time was a long time ago though sometimes it is more difficult than other. I have scars which I think are very noticeable, but only once has someone mentioned them, that was a nurse in A&E after a very minor motorcycle accident.
After coming out as trans I assumed the reason I did it was partly because of hating the body I have. But you saying it is something which happens when "really distressed" reminds me of times when I did it for that reason, that were nothing to do with my body. So I guess I do not know why I did it.
But I understand the sense of relief it brings. Maybe you need to find something safer that can cause the same sort of feeling. Maybe like painfully loud music or something else which can have overload and numb the senses?