Feeling ready to tell friends... Help!

I say go for it, and do it in whatever way feels comfortable to you. Chances are, your friends already know. They might not have a name for it but it will make sense once you tell them. And good friends of the sort you keep for 20 years won't think any different about you after than they did before. Good luck and be brave! 

 B x

You said "woodwork" and "mechanics" so my brain automatically assumed you were male. I have surprised myself here, (whether you are male or female) as I do think it's important to challenge gender stereotypes. Oh well, no one's perfect.

That's such a nice friend! 

If I'm perfectly honest only my husband really knows the 'real me'... Not even my family

My experience of this was my real friend(i have no others) already knew and didnt want to upset me by saying anything , They just let me" be me" , my sister understood as she works with special needs children in the forces . 

how do you know I’m a man? 

I'm sorry that has happened to you, it must have really affected you and understandably so. With all due respect, yours is one experience of many people's. I think maybe women's friendship groups are different to men's. 

Yeah - they can't grasp just how much the issues affect us - and we tend to be on best performance while socialising so they never get to see the huge toll it takes and just how burned out we are afterwards.      It's a scaling problem - things that are little bumps in the roads for them are enormous mountains for us - and the better we mask, the less they realise what's really going on.

Thanks! 'reprocess' the change is an excellent description!  I will get my head around doing something different but I'll have a mini (mostly private) meltdown first..

I feel people's judgement of autism can be far too stereotypical in what they expect an autistic person to 'look like' or 'behave like' which is why I think the diagnosis will surprise most people. But when I explain what challenges me most, I think they will recognise these traits in me a mile off (but just never necessarily linked it to autism) 

Me too - the guy who doesn’t take my advice anymore. I’ve known him for 36 years.

I'm very high functioning too - I mask very well in the right environment - and like you, it's unpredictability / changes that cause issues.

I need time to reprocess what the change means before I can comfortably move forward - and if I'm forced to go forward, I can't cope.       That unpredictability also includes being lied to - that person becomes unpredictable so I can't interface to them.   

I'd think you'd be better off mentioning it in passing - something like "The gp says I have all the signs of being autistic - what do you think?"    You might be surprised - most of my friends said it made sense and just accepted it.   

Thanks for the reply.  I will never put it on my Facebook... Far too many people I wouldn't want to know! 

Thanks for taking the time to reply.  I've already had both of these responses fro my family. Along with "you are high functioning, so that means u must be able to cope really well, so you must only be a wee bit autistic" and my dad asked me what medication I needed to take!

Since I began my journey to my diagnosis (over a year ago) I've spent a lot of time learning about autism, and particularly which parts of my life I struggle with. I had to do this to aid myself with my assessment. I've spent lots of time over the last year being quite introspective (probably really for the first time ever)

For myself, it's unexpected change that is particularly unsettling. I'm not great when my routine changes. It causes anxiety and sometimes meltdowns. I don't love social situations but realise that sometimes they are an important part of life. I've become excellent at masking so pass (most days) as NT but it can, at times, be very draining.  The recuperation time needed is what people don't see/realise. 

I told mine and none them seem bothered. I did put something on my Facebook page and no one added any comments? ? Only one of my work colleagues (who saw the Facebook page) thought I was brave to post it.

STOP!!!

This revelation only exists in your mind.     This is big news for you but your friends have known and completely accepted you your whole life so dropping this on them might upset the dynamic.

They are likely to re-evaluate you based on you telling them - they will possibly picture you as Rain Man and they might suddenly see you as faulty or even untrustworthy.   

Learn more about yourself and your autism and how it actually affects you so in future, if the opportunity comes up, casually mention it.

The standard response is "Everyone is a bit autistic" or "you don't look autistic" so you need to have thought out your measured response to that.

For example, in my case, my Aspergers manifests itself mostly in not being able to deal with unpredictability or stress - at all - and it makes my personality lumpy if I;m under pressure - but way, way more than a normal person.

How does your autism affect you?     How could you explain it to a normal person in a way they would 'get it'?

Your vibe is your tribe. Sounds like they will be supportive. Sorry I don't have any words of advice. Could I add you as a contact? Or could you add me? I'm 34 undiagnosed female. 

I've known these girls more than half my life and I'm not concerned about any negative reactions at all.

We've all been through alot together. I think they will be supportive and understanding (or else I would never tell them)

These are my closest friends and I feel I can tell them anything. 

I have many, many friends that I will never tell, for exactly all the reasons you mentioned! 

Ps - another ‘friend’ got angry when I showed him my autism card and went on a rant about how I wasn’t ‘special’ in any way. 

Don’t tell them on social media - private group or not. 

I would be weary of telling them face to face too. Most will just invalidate your words and experience with the usual one liners. 

One friend of mine - who would often come to me for help with various problems from woodwork to car mechanics. Now he doesn’t ask anymore and if I try and advice he doesn’t listen because he now sees me as ‘retarded’ some how or broken.