Regrets obsession

DaveAsperg said:

Very appropriate user name Deep Thought.

I think so in terms of thinking about things so much that I get buried up to my chin in them!

DaveAsperg said:

Very impressive trouble over your answer.

Being Shizoaffective in the me, myself and I sense of multiple selves rather than the Rod, Jane and Freddy sort of distinctly different personalities or alters, means writing involves different versions of me suggesting different words, sentences and examples and at some stage reaching an abridged and simplified enough consensus, which does take a bit of time.

I started writing the last post for instance after your second post! 

DaveAsperg said:

I like the idea of Tetravalent thinking and will try to use it (but need to avoid overthinking) and some of the other principles

The thing with overthinking is pretty much the same as (OCD), in that our mind as a quantum super computer has been obstructed by learning to use it as if it were only a simple mathematical calculator.

It is not then a case of trying to use Tetravalent thinking, but to practice doing it until Multivalent thinking becomes consistently and reliably established once again, as in once again since childhood.

The bonus of Tetravalent thinking as a practice, is that it first teachers us to better pace and more productively schedule our thinking, as involves at each stage a sense of completion and fulfillment, and therefore sets measured limits and boundaries ~ like yay time off or time for something else.

DaveAsperg said:

but see this is largely a philosophical issue

Have you used the 'but' to mean that the philosophical issue is the greater relevance in some respect, or that something else is?

Very appropriate user name Deep Thought. Very impressive trouble over your answer. I like the idea of Tetravalent thinking and will try to use it (but need to avoid overthinking) and some of the other principles, but see this is largely a philosophical issue

DaveAsperg said:

Yes I have been very successful but now seem obsessed by all the opportunities I missed mainly because I was so focussed on routines and academia and my job. So I realise I doing this I missed out taking my children to professionals football matches and national rugby matches even though we were often in Twickenham staying at my mother in laws house when the World Cup was on etc.

I know I have a lot left , but I’m stuck on all the negatives. I feel I’ve failed my wife and children.

If we obsess over what we have not done . . . we will not be focusing adequately on what otherwise we are or else could be doing.

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One question I suppose is when exactly did you lose your powers as a “Time Lord” (!?!) that you could have reason to be upset or angry about not changing past events ~ when you are only in fact practically involved in the present circumstances?

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By criticising and causing yourself distress over missing opportunities that you were not so much aware of at the time ~ due to being particularly ‘focused on routines, academia and your job’ ~ you are in effect discriminating against yourself as an autistic individual over having a narrow (or restricted) range of sensibilities!?! Time to get busy with “Reasonable Adjustments” for you with yourself methinks! ;-)

DaveAsperg said:

maybe this negative focus is why autistic people have such a high suicide rate.

The sharing in and enforcing of the competitive “survival of the fittest” delusion as being an acceptable societal ideology ~ is the greater problem in terms of people becoming tribally exclusive and elitist, in that most people are taught as such to be otherwise and elsewhere than they actually are, which involves social discrimination, segregation and ultimately suicidal ideation for some, and hospitals and morgues for others, just as matter of sequential and consequential fact.

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When children fit in with societal norms they get more positive identifications, and learn to think more positively and associate more with being rewarded. When children do not fit in with societal norms ~ they get more negative identifications, and learn to think more negatively and associate more with being punished.

DaveAsperg said:

but I do like the joke therapy!

Guest to the waiter, “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?”

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Waiter, “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”

DaveAsperg said:

what do others feel about focussing on the negative and maybe having been too confident that you were doing well before.......

Well; I always reserve the right to be wrong, and rather than punishing myself for having made mistakes ~ I treat them as retakes and learn instead not to make those mistakes again! I think though that being careful or cautious are way, way way better options than being confident, as confidence is like pride and pride as the expression goes always comes before a fall, in terms of social standing or status and all that anti-equalitarian sort of thing.

DaveAsperg said:

Any actions that have been helpful?

Well I found a psychological process called ‘Tetravalent Thinking’ (otherwise known as the "Tetralemma") rather helpful, where all objects and states of affairs are philosophically considered point for point as equally being:

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        1.) Good,

        2.) Bad,

        3.) Both good and bad,

and,

        4.) Neither good or bad.

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So for example ~ Guns are good in terms of being practically easy to operate, are bad in terms of being dangerous to their users when they malfunction, are both good and bad in terms of being good to provide food by way of hunting and are bad when they are used to threaten and rob people, and are neither good or bad as it depends who is using them such as a soldier or member of the public and what the situation is ~ whether they are out to harm or protect others for instance.

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Once tetravalent thinking is learnt and used thereafter quite naturally, it involves all capacities of thought, and negative thinking becomes much less of a problem, but more part of solution oriented thinking.

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To get past negative thinking, daily or regular weekly practice was required in order to deprogram myself from continually using negative ideation as a theme. One subject matter that I found useful as a topic of consideration was the seasons, given that each season or month has it’s own particularities of character and can involve a fair amount of variations, all of which were considered individually one at a time, over and over again. Some original thought and brain-strain was needed as well as repetition to get the programming embedded.

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You have to completely avoid using complex subjective considerations such as the character of people and all that or tetravalent thinking gets integrated into monovalent thinking and negativism prevails again. Keep the subject matter therefore as simple and object related as possible. And the basic rule is make negative thinking a contributory aspect of your psychological process rather than let it remain as the dominating characteristic of it ~ if you feel inclined of course!

DaveAsperg said:

I wonder about pursuing my effort to develop an alternative suicide prevention service as the current medical model is inappropriate for many people.

I definitely suggest that you put enough effort into wondering ahead with this worthy pursuit so that you’ve got none left for and leave behind imagining yourself as a failure! At very least invest your effort into considering an alternative suicide prevention service model, or even fully model it, for either way it would serve the greater good as being a matter of worthy discussion and debate. Definitely!

DaveAsperg said:

i am impressed with Russell Brand’s insight into the distress of suicide over Caroline Flack whose death was probably caused by the media and the Crown Prosecution Service. I am pleased the debate has been opened but know that the IOPC has historically always supported the cps and has never said anything against either the police force or the cps, even when coroners have raised concerns. We shall see....... but I am sure they will not criticise the authorities. They only criticise individuals that the police want to dismiss and waste loads of public money defending inappropriate police actions 

From the specialisation of Transactional Analysis, consider perhaps the problem of engaging in the ‘game’ of “Courtroom”, whereby people’s ‘Wounded’ Child ego-states seek the Adult jurisdiction of others ~ so as to assist them in redirecting the Parent ego states of themselves to instead criticise and thereby incriminate other people (i.e., you feeling like a failure to pointing out failures in the justice system). This only provides though a temporary reprieve from these internalised criticisms, given that their externalisation will be in a more developed sense internalised again, and hence the repeating and increasing nature of the problem (i.e., getting stuck on the negatives).

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The originating problem normally begins in early childhood, whilst children strive to behave one way (i.e., as a child with playful sensibilities) but ends up on the whole being encouraged and threatened into making them behave another way (i.e., like an adult with stressful responsibilities), meaning that the behavioural vitalisation for the original course of development (childhood) is progressively obstructed by and yet directionally incorporated into the second course of development (adulthood).

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Comfort eating, shopping, cleaning or any obsessive compulsion or addictive behaviour ~ results from a primary course of development having become uncomfortably and or numbly (and therefore inappropriately) obstructed by and incorporated into another, and continues on in this way to an increasingly limited extent given that the primary developmental needs are no longer as such being or getting fulfilled.

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In order to reclaim your vitalisation and reduce hypertension, I suggest resisting the temptation to judge others for their failings or you for yours, and learn instead to gently and deeply breath through the hypertensive delusions that you or anyone else are failures ‘or’ successes, for we are neither one nor the other, but each much more learning as irrefutable mysteries in life.

DaveAsperg said:

No replies. I certainly feel alone and wonder what others make of me as I no longer seem to fit anywhere. Frightening for suicidal thinking 

...Please do Calm down, Sir... sometimes this Forum goes through slow stages, and sometimes flurries of replies occur within a few hours. You are NOT the only one to 'post and recieve no replies', so please do not let *that* influence or trouble You!

( ...My own excuse is that I am not here everyday, and sometimes I can log in yet must quit very quickly even if I do not want to quit. My devices are old and It is not My Internet. I see this Thread now, and can post, and so I do so... but I cannot always do that, and I am certainly not alone about all of this. )

...Greetings, Me again if You do not mind...

I replied a lot to Your other Threads, and so do not have much else to add apart from paying an attention to the Replies here and upon those other Threads. 

I shall attempt to be direct, and simply add to responses which say --- that You should not focus upon the "negatives" --- that You are aware of them being "negatives" is a clarion-call at You to remember these, yet to rather Focus upon everything else *but* such "negatives"... that is what I also add.

I hope this makes sense (...to anyone but Myself?...) 

also this... 

DaveAsperg said:

maybe this negative focus is why autistic people have such a high suicide rate.

...Beware. Simply 'researching' "negative" matters may cause "negativity" to grow in spite of the positivity in One's Own Life. As far as I follow, You have a lot of positive things... they may not apply to anyone else but You Yourself are aware of how they make You feel. Focus upon Yourself first, then extend that to "help others". (I tried to say that in My previous Posts.)

...To close this Post, I say, yet again, that This Thread introduces too many subjects and I am uncertain about it... the the thing is, to keep positives in mind in order to progress through the negatives.

Also, check out;

www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html

https://www.stampoutsuicide.co.uk

Phone number which can provide access to a Counselor over-the-phone across Britain; free-of-charge.

Roswell,

I fall into the 'not-man-enough' mode, too. Especially whenever I'm driving in inclement weather. Just, today, my artist friend called me requesting that I purchase beans and cans of Boost to tie him up until he gets his benefits on Wednesday - He always pays me back, in good time. But, he said that his road was clear.

The roads en route from my place to Cookstown - the main town he lives near- had flash floods due to the snow thawing. Then, I nearly stalled on the road in the town. Then, I got to his place and got stuck in his driveway due to the snow. Then, my car slid ever-so-slightly, even with the handbrake on - I nearly had a heart attack. (Metaphorical) But he put a potted plant on my rear-left tyre to keep the car safe, then helped me reverse out on the way home.

I couldn't wallow in self-pity, for long, and became grateful for the help he gave me - and contacting my cleaner on Messenger while using my friend's Wi-Fi. I am blessed.

All I'm saying to Dave is, "Stay the Course! Calm waters don't make good Sailors!"

Believe me, I sometimes get in a bad state. The other weekend I was just in a mess. I go crazy indoors so I went for  a walk with my earphones in listening to a calming podcast. I have walking gear for bad weather and walked around during the stormy weather. A lot of my listening is done with what I call bonus exercise, meaning that I could sit still and listen or move, so why not move.  . I know going outside can be hard for some but a park or quiet area can be therapeutic. 

It doesn't have to be mega. 

I'm lucky to be healthy enough to do this, I know many people have pain. 

Thanks . I used to be fine and was doing mega exercises every day, but for 2 years virtually nothing and ashamed hw unfit I am now

Anxiety always makes you question your decisions.   The older you are, the more decisions you've made through your life.    Reprocessing all those decisions over and over burns a lot of energy.

If you come to the conclusion that you've messed up too many decisions, it will create some very negative thinking that will require even more processing.     It will lead you into dark places when all you do is spend your time kicking yourself all day, every day for things you can't fix.

The only sensible thing you can do is admit to yourself that you can't fix the past but you have total control of your future.   How you proceed from there is up to you.

Thanks Roswell . Yes me too. I am trying to educate lots of people about autism and suicidal risks th how much harm the police, media and financial advisors can do. They are all very dangerous people for us

Bless you, Roswell, thanks for this, it helps me too

Hi Dave, I'm sorry I didn't write anything either. I read the top half of the post and identified completely with it, but I didn't identify with or understand how the second part and the link to Carl beech connected with it, so I didn't know what to say, but obviously there is an important connection in your own life. 

I do get stuck in regrets and rumination about the past. When it's really bad I  have to take explicit action and listen to a therapy recording to get myself out of it.  I listen to Mark tyrrel on YouTube sometimes, he has a great soothing voice and it can take the edge off an anxiety attack. I have to address the obsession and deny it power over me. 

It works to a degree though its hard work, plus I do a lot of exercise to lift my mood.

I am thinking of you Dave, I don't know what to write. I have been through many of the same things as you, the only difference is I didn't lose a lot of money. 

For me, what keeps me going is finding new things to explore, learning and trying to educate and inform people about how to make things better.

I don't think you've failed your wife and children, having Asperger's is no picnic.

No replies. I certainly feel alone and wonder what others make of me as I no longer seem to fit anywhere. Frightening for suicidal thinking