Regrets obsession

DaveAsperg said:

Yes I have been very successful but now seem obsessed by all the opportunities I missed mainly because I was so focussed on routines and academia and my job. So I realise I doing this I missed out taking my children to professionals football matches and national rugby matches even though we were often in Twickenham staying at my mother in laws house when the World Cup was on etc.

I know I have a lot left , but I’m stuck on all the negatives. I feel I’ve failed my wife and children.

If we obsess over what we have not done . . . we will not be focusing adequately on what otherwise we are or else could be doing.

.

One question I suppose is when exactly did you lose your powers as a “Time Lord” (!?!) that you could have reason to be upset or angry about not changing past events ~ when you are only in fact practically involved in the present circumstances?

.

By criticising and causing yourself distress over missing opportunities that you were not so much aware of at the time ~ due to being particularly ‘focused on routines, academia and your job’ ~ you are in effect discriminating against yourself as an autistic individual over having a narrow (or restricted) range of sensibilities!?! Time to get busy with “Reasonable Adjustments” for you with yourself methinks! ;-)

DaveAsperg said:

maybe this negative focus is why autistic people have such a high suicide rate.

The sharing in and enforcing of the competitive “survival of the fittest” delusion as being an acceptable societal ideology ~ is the greater problem in terms of people becoming tribally exclusive and elitist, in that most people are taught as such to be otherwise and elsewhere than they actually are, which involves social discrimination, segregation and ultimately suicidal ideation for some, and hospitals and morgues for others, just as matter of sequential and consequential fact.

.

When children fit in with societal norms they get more positive identifications, and learn to think more positively and associate more with being rewarded. When children do not fit in with societal norms ~ they get more negative identifications, and learn to think more negatively and associate more with being punished.

DaveAsperg said:

but I do like the joke therapy!

Guest to the waiter, “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?”

.

Waiter, “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”

DaveAsperg said:

what do others feel about focussing on the negative and maybe having been too confident that you were doing well before.......

Well; I always reserve the right to be wrong, and rather than punishing myself for having made mistakes ~ I treat them as retakes and learn instead not to make those mistakes again! I think though that being careful or cautious are way, way way better options than being confident, as confidence is like pride and pride as the expression goes always comes before a fall, in terms of social standing or status and all that anti-equalitarian sort of thing.

DaveAsperg said:

Any actions that have been helpful?

Well I found a psychological process called ‘Tetravalent Thinking’ (otherwise known as the "Tetralemma") rather helpful, where all objects and states of affairs are philosophically considered point for point as equally being:

.

        1.) Good,

        2.) Bad,

        3.) Both good and bad,

and,

        4.) Neither good or bad.

.

So for example ~ Guns are good in terms of being practically easy to operate, are bad in terms of being dangerous to their users when they malfunction, are both good and bad in terms of being good to provide food by way of hunting and are bad when they are used to threaten and rob people, and are neither good or bad as it depends who is using them such as a soldier or member of the public and what the situation is ~ whether they are out to harm or protect others for instance.

.

Once tetravalent thinking is learnt and used thereafter quite naturally, it involves all capacities of thought, and negative thinking becomes much less of a problem, but more part of solution oriented thinking.

.

To get past negative thinking, daily or regular weekly practice was required in order to deprogram myself from continually using negative ideation as a theme. One subject matter that I found useful as a topic of consideration was the seasons, given that each season or month has it’s own particularities of character and can involve a fair amount of variations, all of which were considered individually one at a time, over and over again. Some original thought and brain-strain was needed as well as repetition to get the programming embedded.

.

You have to completely avoid using complex subjective considerations such as the character of people and all that or tetravalent thinking gets integrated into monovalent thinking and negativism prevails again. Keep the subject matter therefore as simple and object related as possible. And the basic rule is make negative thinking a contributory aspect of your psychological process rather than let it remain as the dominating characteristic of it ~ if you feel inclined of course!

DaveAsperg said:

I wonder about pursuing my effort to develop an alternative suicide prevention service as the current medical model is inappropriate for many people.

I definitely suggest that you put enough effort into wondering ahead with this worthy pursuit so that you’ve got none left for and leave behind imagining yourself as a failure! At very least invest your effort into considering an alternative suicide prevention service model, or even fully model it, for either way it would serve the greater good as being a matter of worthy discussion and debate. Definitely!

DaveAsperg said:

i am impressed with Russell Brand’s insight into the distress of suicide over Caroline Flack whose death was probably caused by the media and the Crown Prosecution Service. I am pleased the debate has been opened but know that the IOPC has historically always supported the cps and has never said anything against either the police force or the cps, even when coroners have raised concerns. We shall see....... but I am sure they will not criticise the authorities. They only criticise individuals that the police want to dismiss and waste loads of public money defending inappropriate police actions 

From the specialisation of Transactional Analysis, consider perhaps the problem of engaging in the ‘game’ of “Courtroom”, whereby people’s ‘Wounded’ Child ego-states seek the Adult jurisdiction of others ~ so as to assist them in redirecting the Parent ego states of themselves to instead criticise and thereby incriminate other people (i.e., you feeling like a failure to pointing out failures in the justice system). This only provides though a temporary reprieve from these internalised criticisms, given that their externalisation will be in a more developed sense internalised again, and hence the repeating and increasing nature of the problem (i.e., getting stuck on the negatives).

.

The originating problem normally begins in early childhood, whilst children strive to behave one way (i.e., as a child with playful sensibilities) but ends up on the whole being encouraged and threatened into making them behave another way (i.e., like an adult with stressful responsibilities), meaning that the behavioural vitalisation for the original course of development (childhood) is progressively obstructed by and yet directionally incorporated into the second course of development (adulthood).

.

Comfort eating, shopping, cleaning or any obsessive compulsion or addictive behaviour ~ results from a primary course of development having become uncomfortably and or numbly (and therefore inappropriately) obstructed by and incorporated into another, and continues on in this way to an increasingly limited extent given that the primary developmental needs are no longer as such being or getting fulfilled.

.

In order to reclaim your vitalisation and reduce hypertension, I suggest resisting the temptation to judge others for their failings or you for yours, and learn instead to gently and deeply breath through the hypertensive delusions that you or anyone else are failures ‘or’ successes, for we are neither one nor the other, but each much more learning as irrefutable mysteries in life.

DaveAsperg said:

Yes I have been very successful but now seem obsessed by all the opportunities I missed mainly because I was so focussed on routines and academia and my job. So I realise I doing this I missed out taking my children to professionals football matches and national rugby matches even though we were often in Twickenham staying at my mother in laws house when the World Cup was on etc.

I know I have a lot left , but I’m stuck on all the negatives. I feel I’ve failed my wife and children.

If we obsess over what we have not done . . . we will not be focusing adequately on what otherwise we are or else could be doing.

.

One question I suppose is when exactly did you lose your powers as a “Time Lord” (!?!) that you could have reason to be upset or angry about not changing past events ~ when you are only in fact practically involved in the present circumstances?

.

By criticising and causing yourself distress over missing opportunities that you were not so much aware of at the time ~ due to being particularly ‘focused on routines, academia and your job’ ~ you are in effect discriminating against yourself as an autistic individual over having a narrow (or restricted) range of sensibilities!?! Time to get busy with “Reasonable Adjustments” for you with yourself methinks! ;-)

DaveAsperg said:

maybe this negative focus is why autistic people have such a high suicide rate.

The sharing in and enforcing of the competitive “survival of the fittest” delusion as being an acceptable societal ideology ~ is the greater problem in terms of people becoming tribally exclusive and elitist, in that most people are taught as such to be otherwise and elsewhere than they actually are, which involves social discrimination, segregation and ultimately suicidal ideation for some, and hospitals and morgues for others, just as matter of sequential and consequential fact.

.

When children fit in with societal norms they get more positive identifications, and learn to think more positively and associate more with being rewarded. When children do not fit in with societal norms ~ they get more negative identifications, and learn to think more negatively and associate more with being punished.

DaveAsperg said:

but I do like the joke therapy!

Guest to the waiter, “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?”

.

Waiter, “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”

DaveAsperg said:

what do others feel about focussing on the negative and maybe having been too confident that you were doing well before.......

Well; I always reserve the right to be wrong, and rather than punishing myself for having made mistakes ~ I treat them as retakes and learn instead not to make those mistakes again! I think though that being careful or cautious are way, way way better options than being confident, as confidence is like pride and pride as the expression goes always comes before a fall, in terms of social standing or status and all that anti-equalitarian sort of thing.

DaveAsperg said:

Any actions that have been helpful?

Well I found a psychological process called ‘Tetravalent Thinking’ (otherwise known as the "Tetralemma") rather helpful, where all objects and states of affairs are philosophically considered point for point as equally being:

.

        1.) Good,

        2.) Bad,

        3.) Both good and bad,

and,

        4.) Neither good or bad.

.

So for example ~ Guns are good in terms of being practically easy to operate, are bad in terms of being dangerous to their users when they malfunction, are both good and bad in terms of being good to provide food by way of hunting and are bad when they are used to threaten and rob people, and are neither good or bad as it depends who is using them such as a soldier or member of the public and what the situation is ~ whether they are out to harm or protect others for instance.

.

Once tetravalent thinking is learnt and used thereafter quite naturally, it involves all capacities of thought, and negative thinking becomes much less of a problem, but more part of solution oriented thinking.

.

To get past negative thinking, daily or regular weekly practice was required in order to deprogram myself from continually using negative ideation as a theme. One subject matter that I found useful as a topic of consideration was the seasons, given that each season or month has it’s own particularities of character and can involve a fair amount of variations, all of which were considered individually one at a time, over and over again. Some original thought and brain-strain was needed as well as repetition to get the programming embedded.

.

You have to completely avoid using complex subjective considerations such as the character of people and all that or tetravalent thinking gets integrated into monovalent thinking and negativism prevails again. Keep the subject matter therefore as simple and object related as possible. And the basic rule is make negative thinking a contributory aspect of your psychological process rather than let it remain as the dominating characteristic of it ~ if you feel inclined of course!

DaveAsperg said:

I wonder about pursuing my effort to develop an alternative suicide prevention service as the current medical model is inappropriate for many people.

I definitely suggest that you put enough effort into wondering ahead with this worthy pursuit so that you’ve got none left for and leave behind imagining yourself as a failure! At very least invest your effort into considering an alternative suicide prevention service model, or even fully model it, for either way it would serve the greater good as being a matter of worthy discussion and debate. Definitely!

DaveAsperg said:

i am impressed with Russell Brand’s insight into the distress of suicide over Caroline Flack whose death was probably caused by the media and the Crown Prosecution Service. I am pleased the debate has been opened but know that the IOPC has historically always supported the cps and has never said anything against either the police force or the cps, even when coroners have raised concerns. We shall see....... but I am sure they will not criticise the authorities. They only criticise individuals that the police want to dismiss and waste loads of public money defending inappropriate police actions 

From the specialisation of Transactional Analysis, consider perhaps the problem of engaging in the ‘game’ of “Courtroom”, whereby people’s ‘Wounded’ Child ego-states seek the Adult jurisdiction of others ~ so as to assist them in redirecting the Parent ego states of themselves to instead criticise and thereby incriminate other people (i.e., you feeling like a failure to pointing out failures in the justice system). This only provides though a temporary reprieve from these internalised criticisms, given that their externalisation will be in a more developed sense internalised again, and hence the repeating and increasing nature of the problem (i.e., getting stuck on the negatives).

.

The originating problem normally begins in early childhood, whilst children strive to behave one way (i.e., as a child with playful sensibilities) but ends up on the whole being encouraged and threatened into making them behave another way (i.e., like an adult with stressful responsibilities), meaning that the behavioural vitalisation for the original course of development (childhood) is progressively obstructed by and yet directionally incorporated into the second course of development (adulthood).

.

Comfort eating, shopping, cleaning or any obsessive compulsion or addictive behaviour ~ results from a primary course of development having become uncomfortably and or numbly (and therefore inappropriately) obstructed by and incorporated into another, and continues on in this way to an increasingly limited extent given that the primary developmental needs are no longer as such being or getting fulfilled.

.

In order to reclaim your vitalisation and reduce hypertension, I suggest resisting the temptation to judge others for their failings or you for yours, and learn instead to gently and deeply breath through the hypertensive delusions that you or anyone else are failures ‘or’ successes, for we are neither one nor the other, but each much more learning as irrefutable mysteries in life.

Very appropriate user name Deep Thought. Very impressive trouble over your answer. I like the idea of Tetravalent thinking and will try to use it (but need to avoid overthinking) and some of the other principles, but see this is largely a philosophical issue