Published on 12, July, 2020
Good Afternoon,
Me and my partner of 5 years are having some problems reconnecting emotionally (more my side) he tends to be over emotional and that's where we are different. He had a meltdown the other day and now I feel like I can no longer cope in this relationship. He's had a few moments but not as bad as that in a while. We live in rented accommodation and well it technically is like property damage. I am worried about our future and whether he could cope with increasing adult responsibilities. He wants to work together and seek help for his mental health and understand his condition more but I am not sure whether I want to. I was all excited and happy about being able to have some time together as we booked the holiday on the same day as he had a meltdown and my mind has done a 360. I have to do everything for him which is starting to get on my nerves. He needs some self sufficiency. He doesn't know any coping strategies other than ignoring it, distracting his mind with his interest or self harming.
Please help.
Hi,
Reading your post has woken me up to me not being on my own :( my god life is soooo hard living with a man on the spectrum.
We have been battling 12years of hell at times in which I'm the only one effected due to him not having emotions and understanding emotions. We can achieve 5 steps forward and 10 back.
Were a family of 2 girls 11 and 8 and 2 boys 6 and 19months so as you can imagine our lives are hectic :( I've finally found him a job he has lasted more then 2 years so I'm happy with that. I just really worry the children have feelings and emotions and they feel there dad doesnt love them. I have organise everything in our house from Bill's shopping child care cleaning his personal needs, plus work 4 days a week due to him not able to work full time. Our 8 year old is also on the spectrum and adhd also so i have that whirlwind to deal with 2. I am only human so 80% of the time I love being this person that they all look up to that I have to care for them 100% but that 20% when I'm drained tired becomes a extreme battle. I also suffer with anger which I've tried very hard to control but I always end up lashing out when I get this point in life. No matter what he does cheat , disrespect me and my children, steal, lie I continue to love him. I feel like I cant give up with this life as i married him knowing he has these problems , we have seeked many therapys but everything always goes back to square one . I'm sorry for ranting about my life, I really hope u can find some answer. We have found a diary works wonders so while i work i can write his jobs down and he follows a list greatly so that may be one to help so ur not nagging it's in his book . Take care xxx
Who me? I am suffering from intense anxiety which makes me want to leave.
Autism?>
Thank you for the insight, I have been suffering with anxiety since his Meltdown, he is willing to seek help and for us to have couples counselling. I need to understand more about him but he really needs support in understanding himself. I have been feeling the urge to run away but maybe I need alittle time to process. We have had a lot of other elements that have also put pressure on us both. Finances and in my case outside opinons, we have decided to focus on the positives of each day. His negative thinking has brought me down so he needs to access some help and so do I. I don't know whats switched in my mind but it scares me. I am sorry about your own situation, we have talk through tonight and he delt with my thoughts very well. I feel sick with anxiety, not slept so much.
I unfortunately have to say that your problem is a little familiar. Im undiagnosed but suffer anxiety, depression and separation issues. I have to fight back that demon often. I also lack that premeditated oomph the non-aspies have and tend to be far more reactive than proactive. My wife has been less than tolerant at times and I cant blame her. I have said to her more recently ( after researching and becoming aware of how difficult I can be) that I would completely understand if she left me. I understand that not all people are geared up to be carers and dont wish to micro manage their partner as well as run themselves. Id say cut yourself some slack and dont be so hard on yourself. If you love your partner and want to stay, look for some support for yourself and them. Set some behavioural boundries and talk if you can. Dont just stay because as much as any other person, no matter how they are wired, desrves a life... so do you. Im actually considering separation because I know Im hard work and I know my wife struggles to cope with me and our girls and life and I dont want to be that burden on her. Its Valentines tomorrow and she is in another part of the house because we just fell out again ( my traits verses her logical and simple to comprehend thinking ), not the romance I want for either of us. If I could feel it, Im sure Id be sad.
God bless. I wish you well.