Relationship Problems

Good Afternoon,

Me and my partner of 5 years are having some problems reconnecting emotionally (more my side) he tends to be over emotional and that's where we are different. He had a meltdown the other day and now I feel like I can no longer cope in this relationship. He's had a few moments but not as bad as that in a while. We live in rented accommodation and well it technically is like property damage. I am worried about our future and whether he could cope with increasing adult responsibilities. He wants to work together and seek help for his mental health and understand his condition more but I am not sure whether I want to. I was all excited and happy about being able to have some time together as we booked the holiday on the same day as he had a meltdown and my mind has done a 360. I have to do everything for him which is starting to get on my nerves. He needs some self sufficiency.  He doesn't know any coping strategies other than ignoring it, distracting his mind with his interest or self harming. 

Please help. 

  • I unfortunately have to say that your problem is a little familiar. Im undiagnosed but suffer anxiety, depression and separation issues. I have to fight back that demon often. I also lack that premeditated oomph the non-aspies have and tend to be far more reactive than proactive. My wife has been less than tolerant at times and I cant blame her. I have said to her more recently ( after researching and becoming aware of how difficult I can be) that I would completely understand if she left me. I understand that not all people are geared up to be carers and dont wish to micro manage their partner as well as run themselves. Id say cut yourself some slack and dont be so hard on yourself. If you love your partner and want to stay, look for some support for yourself and them. Set some behavioural boundries and talk if you can. Dont just stay because as much as any other person, no matter how they are wired, desrves a life... so do you. Im actually considering separation because I know Im hard work and I know my wife struggles to cope with me and our girls and life and I dont want to be that burden on her. Its Valentines tomorrow and she is in another part of the house because we just fell out again ( my traits verses her logical and simple to comprehend thinking ), not the romance I want for either of us. If I could feel it, Im sure Id be sad. 

    God bless. I wish you well. 

  • Thank you for the insight, I have been suffering with anxiety since his Meltdown, he is willing to seek help and for us to have couples counselling. I need to understand more about him but he really needs support in understanding himself. I have been feeling the urge to run away but maybe I need alittle time to process. We have had a lot of other elements that have also put pressure on us both. Finances and in my case outside opinons, we have decided to focus on the positives of each day. His negative thinking has brought me down so he needs to access some help and so do I. I don't know whats switched in my mind but it scares me. I am sorry about your own situation, we have talk through tonight and he delt with my thoughts very well. I feel sick with anxiety, not slept so much. 

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