Feeling like the people I love would be better off without me :(

I hope you are recovering. Isolating yourself is bad, so is overanalysing matters. You must keep active and socialise. Your gp won’t have much of use

Your mum probably does know it's your business page, 

For whatever reason she's keeping her distance?

Anyway what happened has obviously effected you deeply and you relationship with your family. 

I guess you just need someone to talk to you until you figured out how to find a better place of mind. 

I don't mind being a soundboard. 

And its okay to feel like shyt from time to time , but not to be treated like ***. 

I cant explain exactly what happened just yet sorry I'm still so traumatised. I only have my son and husband. No family. I tried to reach out to my mother many times but nothing. Weirdly she blocked me on facebook as I just sent a friend request but shes just started following my business page....I'm guessing she dont know that it's me. I dont know how to handle that at the moment. I've just been out for a really long walk and listened to podcasts. I've not long been home

How have you let them down?

You need a space to decompress, can you explain that you need a few hours to your self as your feeling unwell, I don't really know your situation but you can be no-one but yourself, if it isn't enough for him then your with the wrong person.

You have said you want to disappear to me just means that your living your life in a manner that is harmful to you.

Step by step figure out what you need in life to make things better and don't compromise and do it, it's so hard but you need it from what I have read. 

I've tried so hard today, I've baked, gone for a walk, played games yet my husband still thinks it's not enough. Ive let someone I love down so terribly I cant get over it so I'm not happy I cant see how je expects me to be. I feel like walking into the sea tonight and just disappearing. I'm so tired. Tired of taking too long to react, too long to figure out bad people, shut down, melt downs. I'm exhausted 

I'm sorry I can't be of more help or use to you.

Thank you

It's okay it won't always be this way your just going through a bad patch that's all. And we're all here for you while you go through the hard days and we'll celebrate together when you have the good days. *Hugs*

I start to feel more content and then something else happens. It's like a one in a million chance of something going wrong yet it will happen to me! Not little things, catastrophic head messed up stuff

It's okay you're definitely not alone there and believe me you will get better. Life is one big learning curve. Staying in will make it much worse for you so try to go out when you can even if you don't really want to. I used to be like you, in certain ways I'm a lot better now but still struggle in some areas. *Hugs* It will get better. Don't give up on yourself.

Thank you both for your replies. My life is one mess after another. Usually because I dont react in time to people and when I fo figure stuff out it's much too late. I wish I could stay in and never go out

I'm sorry your going through such a rough time in your life. It can't be easy for you feeling that way. Suicidal thoughts isn't a problem I've ever had but I want you to know that in no way would the people you love be better off without you. For starters I can see lots of people here are your friends and care about you, I like to include myself as one of those people ^.^

I also read how you feel about your mum as well. That must be hard for you. But don't think for one second she doesn't want you in her life. She loves you I'm sure, just she probably doesn't know how to show it.

Keep loving and being happy. Your life is worth living and you are a great person. If you ever need a friend to talk to then you can always message me anytime.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. From what I've seen on this forum, you seem like a really nice person, so the people trying to do you harm are the ones with the problem - not you.

I agree with everything Original Prankster said. Please don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling - life is tricky and we're all just doing our best.

I really need support right now. I sent my mum a facebook request. Shes never understood or been there for me especially after I turned 16 as she said that I was an adult now and i was out in the world on my own. Needless to say that didnt turn out well. She Doesnt understand autism and dosnt understand me. However i thought maybe she may have changed. Just me reaching out. A request but no message. She blocked me :(. I send her a Christmas card and birthday card every year. Nothing in return but I do it anyway. Anyway the gp has given me some tablets now so hopefully they'll help numb me right now :(

I'll do that tomorrow. I'm still processing the events from friday. I hate people I really do :(

Sorry that happened to you. Going to say something annoyingly patronising here but sometimes when we're in an unhappy state of mind, we need a reminder, so just wanted to ask have you managed to set an alarm on your phone for 10 minutes before you need to make the call to the doctor?

I've had another rubbish night full of nightmares which means Ive missed calling at the allotted time to see a GP :(

Yeah, me too I can't even begin to explain how much of a barrier that is in my life. 

People just think it's an excuse. 

I’ve been in the same boat, lots of things I did or didn’t when I was young that I regret so badly now, things only my family know. I also attempted suicide and to see how upset my family and friends were was devastating. That was the turning point when I thought I need to try and be a better me and let people help me, I don’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for my family, but try take bad experiences as a learning curve and learn from it if you can. You are strong and valued by so many u don’t know it. There’s lots of people out there been through bad times your not alone. Hope u feel better soon if I can help at all shout 

The support would be ideal for me as I struggle so much with unexpected interactions, events and decisions. Just someone to step in when my stupid brain decides it's not going to work. It's hard explaining to NT people what i mean by a shut down