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Feeling like the people I love would be better off without me :(

mouse2

I seem to attract one horrible person after another, by that I mean people who look to do you harm. I'm staying in more now and go to quiet things when I need social interaction but I still come across awful people. I honestly dont understand why this is. I'm exhausted once more from working out situations, peoples intentions, 'what if' thoughts. Tired of shut downs when I need urgently to take action (something awful happened recently and I shut down, I couldnt stop myself from it I felt useless and I let someone down in a huge way)

The thing is, I can stay in all week and go out just once and something can happen that regular people have no experience of. I want to stay home indefinatly but I know that I cant as I'm a parent. I just feel helpless and a rubbish parent as I cant decipher people in time or I shut down completely 

Im just so tired. Ive called the Samaratans twice these last few days, As usual you cant get into the GP's. This one incident has shaken me to the core, it was by someone you should be able to trust too. I feel so tired right now :(

Parents

  • I'm sorry your going through such a rough time in your life. It can't be easy for you feeling that way. Suicidal thoughts isn't a problem I've ever had but I want you to know that in no way would the people you love be better off without you. For starters I can see lots of people here are your friends and care about you, I like to include myself as one of those people ^.^

    I also read how you feel about your mum as well. That must be hard for you. But don't think for one second she doesn't want you in her life. She loves you I'm sure, just she probably doesn't know how to show it.

    Keep loving and being happy. Your life is worth living and you are a great person. If you ever need a friend to talk to then you can always message me anytime.

  • in reply to Queen

    Thank you both for your replies. My life is one mess after another. Usually because I dont react in time to people and when I fo figure stuff out it's much too late. I wish I could stay in and never go out

  • in reply to mouse2

    It's okay you're definitely not alone there and believe me you will get better. Life is one big learning curve. Staying in will make it much worse for you so try to go out when you can even if you don't really want to. I used to be like you, in certain ways I'm a lot better now but still struggle in some areas. *Hugs* It will get better. Don't give up on yourself.

  • in reply to mouse2

    Your mum probably does know it's your business page, 

    For whatever reason she's keeping her distance?

    Anyway what happened has obviously effected you deeply and you relationship with your family. 

    I guess you just need someone to talk to you until you figured out how to find a better place of mind. 

    I don't mind being a soundboard. 

    And its okay to feel like shyt from time to time , but not to be treated like ***. 

  • in reply to .

    I cant explain exactly what happened just yet sorry I'm still so traumatised. I only have my son and husband. No family. I tried to reach out to my mother many times but nothing. Weirdly she blocked me on facebook as I just sent a friend request but shes just started following my business page....I'm guessing she dont know that it's me. I dont know how to handle that at the moment. I've just been out for a really long walk and listened to podcasts. I've not long been home

  • in reply to mouse2

    How have you let them down?

    You need a space to decompress, can you explain that you need a few hours to your self as your feeling unwell, I don't really know your situation but you can be no-one but yourself, if it isn't enough for him then your with the wrong person.

    You have said you want to disappear to me just means that your living your life in a manner that is harmful to you.

    Step by step figure out what you need in life to make things better and don't compromise and do it, it's so hard but you need it from what I have read. 

  • in reply to Queen

    I've tried so hard today, I've baked, gone for a walk, played games yet my husband still thinks it's not enough. Ive let someone I love down so terribly I cant get over it so I'm not happy I cant see how je expects me to be. I feel like walking into the sea tonight and just disappearing. I'm so tired. Tired of taking too long to react, too long to figure out bad people, shut down, melt downs. I'm exhausted 

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  • in reply to Queen

    I've tried so hard today, I've baked, gone for a walk, played games yet my husband still thinks it's not enough. Ive let someone I love down so terribly I cant get over it so I'm not happy I cant see how je expects me to be. I feel like walking into the sea tonight and just disappearing. I'm so tired. Tired of taking too long to react, too long to figure out bad people, shut down, melt downs. I'm exhausted 

Children
  • in reply to mouse2

    Your mum probably does know it's your business page, 

    For whatever reason she's keeping her distance?

    Anyway what happened has obviously effected you deeply and you relationship with your family. 

    I guess you just need someone to talk to you until you figured out how to find a better place of mind. 

    I don't mind being a soundboard. 

    And its okay to feel like shyt from time to time , but not to be treated like ***. 

  • in reply to .

    I cant explain exactly what happened just yet sorry I'm still so traumatised. I only have my son and husband. No family. I tried to reach out to my mother many times but nothing. Weirdly she blocked me on facebook as I just sent a friend request but shes just started following my business page....I'm guessing she dont know that it's me. I dont know how to handle that at the moment. I've just been out for a really long walk and listened to podcasts. I've not long been home

  • in reply to mouse2

    How have you let them down?

    You need a space to decompress, can you explain that you need a few hours to your self as your feeling unwell, I don't really know your situation but you can be no-one but yourself, if it isn't enough for him then your with the wrong person.

    You have said you want to disappear to me just means that your living your life in a manner that is harmful to you.

    Step by step figure out what you need in life to make things better and don't compromise and do it, it's so hard but you need it from what I have read.