Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I'm 33 (and female, in case this is relevant) and currently waiting for my assessment, which I'm told will be in about 18 months. But I don't want to wait that long to try and move forward and work on myself (both to try and change what I can to have less anxiety, but also to accept some of my traits and not give myself such a hard time about them anymore).
Obviously until I have my assessment I won't know for sure whether or not I have ASD, but I was wondering, is it possible to have ASD traits without actually having ASD? I feel like despite not recognising myself in absolutely all the traits I've seen listed, I do recognise myself in a lot of them, and in a way that affects my life, my emotions, my anxiety and how I interact with people. So in a way I hope they'll say I have ASD as it would explain a lot, and I hope that it would help me feel better about myself, knowing that there is a reason why I am the way I am.
If they say I do not have ASD on the other hand, what does that mean in terms of the various traits that I do have? Is anyone else in the same situation, or was, until they had their assessment?
Thanks a lot for any advice.
I have read this thread with interest. I too am female and mid-thirties. I haven't pursued a diagnosis yet. I am concerned that I've convinced myself im on the spectrum and if this happened to not be the outcome of the diagnostic process then i don't know what I would do. I certainly have traits. I just don't know where the line is between AS and non-AS. I also go through phases where I talk myself out of it. But it always comes back. I've tried to talk to two non-AS people about it to see how my processes and thoughts differ but quite often it's difficult to explain and get my point across. It's all there in my head but not in my mouth. Then they say "well i do that too". I try to say 'but how much of a problem is it to you?" to make them hopefully realise.
Reading about AS yes there are parts of it which don't fit. I know a lot of info on AS seems to be about stereotypical autistic behaviours which I don't have but from reading different accounts of people who have been diagnosed, this has given me insight into other ways it can present.
I don't know what I would get out of a diagnosis other than validation. But that's a huge thing for me. Which is why it's a risk if I don't get that validation. I've read so much and can identify with so much of it, I am able to analyse my own thought processes and put coping strategies in place which have worked well.
Hang in there. 18 months is a long time but it'll come round eventually. Hope you get the outcome which is best for you.
I know exactly what you mean about being worried they might say we don't have ASD. But I think that's also something I would like to know. So I could stop wondering and over analysing everything. I don't like uncertainty, I like knowing what is going on, and I feel like this is a big part of me and I should know one way or the other. That said if you are finding a way to analyse yourself in a way that helps that awesome!One thing that has been bothering me recently which seems totally trivial is that I am in a very friendly working environment and every Monday, any time I bump into someone in the kitchen or when I arrive to a meeting, they ask me how my weekend was. And I hate this. Because every time this starts an avalanche of thought processes in my head. Are they saying this as a way of saying hi and therefore don't expect or want anything past "it was good thanks, and you?", if so and I start elaborating on my weekend will I annoy them? Or are they genuinely asking about my weekend, in which case if I reply "good thanks, and you" are they going to think I'm shutting them out and get offended? So I get really stressed and never know how to answer, so I usually go for the "good thanks and you" so it can be over with as quickly as possible but feel guilty about it.I asked my best friend today (who I'm 100% sure is neurotypical) if she has the same thought process with that question, and she was just really confused and didn't understand my question, she said sometimes she asks to get a bit of info, sometimes she asks just to be polite. And I was like "but how are people supposed to know what you're expecting?" So clearly her mind is working differently than mine and she just gets a feeling for it, to the point that she doesn't even ask herself that question. She did give me some good advice though, she said I should ask them first and see how much detail they give about their own weekend. Then I'll know how much they're expecting. Or I could just pick a really short description, like: we went for a hike and enjoyed the sun. If they want to chat, they'll ask questions about it. If not, it wasn't too long. I feel much calmer about next week thanks to her.
Yes uncertainty is hard and I would like to know one way or the other. I suppose either outcome is quite scary really!
Yeah, the "how was your weekend?" question! It's hard for me to think about this as I have been in my place of work for 7 years now. We are only a small team and everyone is so lovely...I know how people operate now with this sort of thing. One thing I would say is, and this might be how other people perceive the situation...if they ask you, well, how much do YOU want to tell them? A little or a lot? This whole thing is something I have been navigating for 7 years. I have mostly asked people out of politeness, not because I'm bothered. Becayse i felt it was what you were supposed to do. Then theyd talk to me while I'd be trying to get my lessons ready. I cant have a conversation while i do a task as conversing takes up a lot of brain power. It'd put me on the back foot. Now, I only ask them when I want to and am ready to talk. I don't feel rude or guilty for it. I have learned that if they didn't want to talk, they wouldn't ask me. So I do the same.(A strategy I have implemented since I've realised what raises my stress levels). Self awareness and analysis has given me that power.
Also, I don't buy that its only autistic people give too much information when the general "Hi how are you?" greeting is made. On a daily basis I am bombarded with TMI from non-AS people when I simply say "hiya, alright" first thing in the morning.
I like the advice your friend has given. Give a short description then it's up to them. As Christmas cards said before about a "hook", you give them the hook it's up to them whether they take it.
I tried to explain to my friend when we were discussing the possibility of being on the spectrum, it's like a graceful swan gliding on the water, but underneath, you're pedalling away.