ASD traits or ASD?

DuckBread said:

nobody suspects they're autistic without very good reason, so that was helpful to hear.

This is true. You wouldn't go researching about it unless you felt you were different, would you? Similarly,  my friend or partner who say "well I do that too" when we try to have a discussion about it... they haven't felt that it causes them so much of a problem that they go resesrching why they are like that or do those things. They don't feel different enough or have problems enough that they want to understand WHY they behave that way or have those difficulties. 

Yes uncertainty is hard and I would like to know one way or the other.  I suppose either outcome is quite scary really! 

Yeah, the "how was your weekend?" question! It's hard for me to think about this as I have been in my place of work for 7 years now. We are only a small team and everyone is so lovely...I know how people operate now with this sort of thing. One thing I would say is, and this might be how other people perceive the situation...if they ask you, well, how much do YOU want to tell them? A little or a lot? This whole thing is something I have been navigating for 7 years. I have mostly asked people out of politeness, not because I'm bothered. Becayse i felt it was what you were supposed to do. Then theyd talk to me while I'd be trying to get my lessons ready. I cant have a conversation while i do a task as conversing takes up a lot of brain power. It'd put me on the back foot. Now, I only ask them when I want to and am ready to talk. I don't feel rude or guilty for it.  I have learned that if they didn't want to talk, they wouldn't ask me. So I do the same.(A strategy I have implemented since I've realised what raises my stress levels). Self awareness and analysis has given me that power.

Also, I don't buy that its only autistic people give too much information when the general "Hi how are you?" greeting is made. On a daily basis I am bombarded with TMI from non-AS people when I simply say "hiya,  alright" first thing in the morning.

I like the advice your friend has given. Give a short description then it's up to them. As Christmas cards said before about a "hook", you give them the hook it's up to them whether they take it.

I tried to explain to my friend when we were discussing the possibility of being on the spectrum, it's like a graceful swan gliding on the water, but underneath, you're pedalling away.

Thank you very much! I'm sorry to hear the medication isn't working that well but I hope you will find something that works for you and your family!

Thank you very much for this, it's helpful to hear. And I'll make sure to look up Purple Ella!

It;s more than likely that your anxiety is caused by ASC/ASD. In my case my anxiety was getting worse as I got older and drugs that used to work, were not working anymore - a classic pointer to ASC. Plus my son was diagnosed with Asperger's and I knew my mother had real social issues. I'm on my 6th anti-anxiety medication now and although they help, they come with side effects like being sleepy all the time but having restless nights etc.(I'm back to running 3 times a week, so hopefully exercise will help)
I actually wrote about 8 pages of A4 initially and added a few more as incidents and memories came flooding back:)
You'll find it a useful process and hopefully it'll help with your diagnosis :)

Hi. I'm 25 and awaiting diagnosis. I've questioned myself over this too, but someone on this forum told me that nobody suspects they're autistic without very good reason, so that was helpful to hear.

While you're waiting for your assessment, I'd recommend looking at Purple Ella's videos on YouTube. She has some great strategies and you can always try them out before you get your official diagnosis.

Whether you're diagnosed or not, you're not imagining anything. Your experiences are real and genuine, and whether they're down to autism or not, it's good to get to know yourself better :)

Fair point about the term disorder. I really do think having a diagnosis would help me for my own peace of mind and confidence, and it would help me know how to tackle certain things I struggle with, such as anxiety. The NHS website does recommend putting a list down on paper, and with my love of lists and my inability to be concise (!!!!) my list ended up being 5 pages long. And I want to keep adding to it but don't, because I can't start putting down everything that happens to me every day on that stupid list. But I am trying to keep reminding myself I might not get a diagnosis and so I might have to look into different ways to handle things. But that's where I'm confused with the ASC traits, because I definitely have some, so it must be possible to have some traits without having a diagnosis... All I'm saying is I guess that doesn't negate those aspects of my personality or the struggles I have.

Yes it's a lot, but I was having issues at work and wanted a quick(ish) answer :) Well if you do have ASC (Autistic Spectrum Condition - they don't like using the term "Disorder") Then you'll have many of the above traits and probably others too, It might be a good idea to put all your experiences on paper to support your case (Although childhood evidence is harder to come by, unless you have a family member to support you). In the end it all boils down to the question "what will a diagnosis of ASC mean for you?" In my case (as I'm 55) probably not a lot and even though I now know, there's no way I can or could change the way I act, basically because it's hard wired and I've developed coping mechanisms over the years

I know exactly what you mean about being worried they might say we don't have ASD. But I think that's also something I would like to know. So I could stop wondering and over analysing everything. I don't like uncertainty, I like knowing what is going on, and I feel like this is a big part of me and I should know one way or the other. That said if you are finding a way to analyse yourself in a way that helps that awesome!

One thing that has been bothering me recently which seems totally trivial is that I am in a very friendly working environment and every Monday, any time I bump into someone in the kitchen or when I arrive to a meeting, they ask me how my weekend was. And I hate this. Because every time this starts an avalanche of thought processes in my head. Are they saying this as a way of saying hi and therefore don't expect or want anything past "it was good thanks, and you?", if so and I start elaborating on my weekend will I annoy them? Or are they genuinely asking about my weekend, in which case if I reply "good thanks, and you" are they going to think I'm shutting them out and get offended? So I get really stressed and never know how to answer, so I usually go for the "good thanks and you" so it can be over with as quickly as possible but feel guilty about it.

I asked my best friend today (who I'm 100% sure is neurotypical) if she has the same thought process with that question, and she was just really confused and didn't understand my question, she said sometimes she asks to get a bit of info, sometimes she asks just to be polite. And I was like "but how are people supposed to know what you're expecting?" So clearly her mind is working differently than mine and she just gets a feeling for it, to the point that she doesn't even ask herself that question. She did give me some good advice though, she said I should ask them first and see how much detail they give about their own weekend. Then I'll know how much they're expecting. Or I could just pick a really short description, like: we went for a hike and enjoyed the sun. If they want to chat, they'll ask questions about it. If not, it wasn't too long. I feel much calmer about next week thanks to her.

I have read this thread with interest. I too am female and mid-thirties. I haven't pursued a diagnosis yet. I am concerned that I've convinced myself im on the spectrum and if this happened to not be the outcome of the diagnostic process then i don't know what I would do. I certainly have traits. I just don't know where the line is between AS and non-AS. I also go through phases where I talk myself out of it. But it always comes back. I've tried to talk to two non-AS people about it to see how my processes and thoughts differ but quite often it's difficult to explain and get my point across. It's all there in my head but not in my mouth. Then they say "well i do that too". I try to say 'but how much of a problem is it to you?" to make them hopefully realise. 

Reading about AS yes there are parts of it which don't fit. I know a lot of info on AS seems to be about stereotypical autistic behaviours which I don't have but from reading different accounts of people who have been diagnosed, this has given me insight into other ways it can present. 

I don't know what I would get out of a diagnosis other than validation.  But that's a huge thing for me. Which is why it's a risk if I don't get that validation. I've read so much and can identify with so much of it, I am able to analyse my own thought processes and put coping strategies in place which have worked well.

Hang in there.  18 months is a long time but it'll come round eventually. Hope you get the outcome which is best for you.

The people I know who do have ASD all tried CBT and it didn't help them. I might be wrong but it sounds like CBT just isn't quite compatible with the way people with ASD think. I hope I'm either wrong or you can find something that works for you.

Being in limbo is awful. This is what I’m struggling with at the moment as well: not knowing how to approach my various issues and problems at work and in life in general. My CBT and counselling sessions were put on hold after I was referred but I hope to start them again as soon as I’ll have diagnosis.

That's the kind of stuff I think about with people at work too! And I feel super guilty at even thinking of not socialising. In a way I want to socialise but then don't enjoy the process, feel super stressed about it. But I crave what other people have, in terms of an easy going friendly time with a bunch of mates. So I put myself in those situations, I try, but it's stressful and it's effort. Recently, thinking that there was a good chance I at least had some ASD traits, I've allowed myself to do what I wanted, what I felt like doing, what made me happy, instead of what was expected or what I thought was expected. And I feel much calmer and happier as a result. Managing to say no to an invitation, telling myself I don't have to feel guilty, the truth is I just don't want to go, so I don't. I mean I also socialise, but when I feel like it. And so far it's helping.

And I'm still not 100% sure that I stim, but if stimming is just physical and sensory stimulation, then I do it. I'm always doing something. Biting my lip, playing with my hair, with my nails (not biting them, just playing with my nails with my fingers), playing with my fingers, playing with my lips... Nothing that noticeable apart from the lips thing, which I try and avoid doing in front of people. It's not out of stress, it seems to be when I'm thinking or focusing.

Anyway I hope getting your diagnosis has been positive for you and is helping you to understand yourself better :)

Yes I did get a diagnosis back in July - and I relate to an awful lot of what you said there. I think there's quite a range of "invisible" stims - like teeth grinding, muscle tensing, finger tapping ....

Ditto to the internal thought processes - I remember meeting a new manager at work and as I walked down to reception to pick them up for the first time I was thinking "remember to give good eye contact .......... remember to give good eye contact .." on a loop in my head. In conversations in groups at work (which I now try to avoid) I've so often been thinking consciously "How's my body language? Do I look like I'm listening? What does it mean that that person is scratching their nose? Insecurity? Covering something up? Itchy nose?" Sometimes I've even asked people "Do you all have arms folded because I'm saying something that you don't believe in or find threatening, or are you just cold?"

Eye contact has always strained me - and it amazes me that I feel uncomfortable doing it *and* uncomfortable not doing it when I believe that I should - i.e. rock and hard place. So I tend to look at people's mouths, but even that gets fatiguing quite quickly - and this is probably the main reason that I feel the need to escape from social situations at work (apart from the chaotic background noise and feeling mental intertia when someone tries small talk).

My diagnosis has at least given me understanding, and allowed me to give myself permission to say "No" to lunch especially after a meeting (something I've always found pretty horrible - occasions where you've spent a morning discussing boring stuff with boring people, and then you have to stay together as a group for lunch / evening meal?). No wonder I used to find the quiet of the hotel bedroom so appealing and wanted to eat alone there, or drank all of the wine if I was at the table!

Thanks, I think that is the main thing for me, getting useful, practical support. I feel lucky that I am now nearing the end of my wait for an assessment, but perhaps as it is getting closer I am thinking about it more.

Interesting. I requested the referral and she put it through. I hope you get a result that is helpful for you! :)

It was my lack of progress with CBT that led the therapist to screen me for an ASD assessment.

Exactly. I am currently doing CBT (with no progress so far) to help with anxiety/stress and anger. If ASD was at the root it would change the approach. And probably CBT would not be the right approach.

Thank you. Yeah that makes total sense. For me other problems such as mental health problems will still exist whether I have ASD or not, but if ASD is an underlying cause then I would think that would change the approach and treatment slightly.

Fingers crossed you get the outcome you want!

For me, I'm finding it difficult to work on myself or accept certain of my traits without knowing for sure whether I do have ASD or not. Because if ASD is the cause, I can approach things a certain way, but if it's not, I might have to approach them a different way and right now I don't know which way. If you see what I mean.