Published on 12, July, 2020
Am I the only one who occasionally gets overwhelmed by my own weirdness? I usually manage to bumble along, happy in my own little world. But tonight, I’ve run two lots of Beaver Scouts single handedly and did it well. I just feel very over conscious of how terrible my social skills are when I’m talking with the parents. I don’t respond ‘normally’ to what they say, I don’t pick up on social cues and I avoid eye contact. I’m just convinced that the parents all find me very odd!
Don't worry - I get overwhelmed by my weirdness too :) I often walk away from a situation and think, why did I say that?
In my opinion, if you're taking care of the kids and giving them valuable life experience, it doesn't matter if the parents don't really get you. Their behaviours probably don't make much sense to you either :)
Most of the time I’m oblivious enough to not really care too much what others may or may not think of me. I think I’ve been burning the candle at both ends a bit recently which has probably made me a bit extra sensitive. I’m also slightly less able to mask when I’m over tired and sadly I do need to mask in certain situations.
One of the mum’s in particular, I asked her how she was, just being polite and then I looked away and I could see her watching me waiting for me to look at her again before she would continue the conversation. I had to be polite and look back but I just really wasn’t in the mood for doing even modulated eye contact, it was just uncomfortable. I know most people expect eye contact during conversation but sometimes I’d really rather not!
Kitsune said:One of the mum’s in particular, I asked her how she was, just being polite and then I looked away and I could see her watching me waiting for me to look at her again before she would continue the conversation. I had to be polite and look back but I just really wasn’t in the mood for doing even modulated eye contact, it was just uncomfortable. I know most people expect eye contact during conversation but sometimes I’d really rather not!
Personally with the eye-contact thing ~ I got into doing a meditation technique years back where I keep my center of attention focused in the center of my chest, visualising a golden orb or platonic solids, and I just use my peripheral vision and frame people's heads roughly in the center of my vision ~ and nobody notices and most people think as such that I have good eye-contact.
Other recommended techniques that I have tried is looking at the bridge of the nose or the eyebrows ~ but the eyebrows one got problematic, as I started getting caught up with how long to look at each one and which one to start with and all that, plus it got noticed a few times unlike the peripheral vision one. The bridge of the nose one was a bit tricky like the eyebrows only with the eyes, but different strokes for different folks and all that.
Kitsune said:No worries!I'm glad you've developed a technique that works for you!
No worries!
I'm glad you've developed a technique that works for you!
Finding out that I had Asperger's Syndrome was the thing that really made the difference for me, as the diagnosis pulled everything into place and gave a directional framework that works in terms of self identification and affirmation. I felt self conscious not knowing I was on the spectrum, and knowing what I am working with has made all the difference in terms knowing what can be mediated and much more refined glitch wise. The diagnosis was SO self empowering as it rendered all my self improvements as being coefficient rather than much more frustrating hit and miss sessions in the dark!
Kitsune said:When I spoke of using the law of energy constant to manage behavioural perseveration. I meant that I figured, as energy must stay constant but can change forms, that via a few 'form' changes in between, it is possible to convert electrical energy in the brain to heat energy through exercise which is then released into the atmosphere and away from me!
I have been working the inner flow of energy whilst you have been doing the outer flow, although in my case the more I exerted myself in terms of exercise the more the inner flow powered the outer flow with seizures!!!
Kitsune said:I think that the comparison with Escher's work gave me the best idea of what you experience inside your head with regards to your different selves. That seems very disorientating! How do you cope with it?
Well firstly I am chest centered or positioned, rather than head centered, and in terms of dealing with the pathways to the external world through my body ~ it is like driving places and finding road works cutting off the direct route, so it is just a case of going the indirect route or waiting until the direct route or routes becomes available again, which sometimes they do not and things don't get done or recalled for ages.
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In terms of how I cope it is just how it has been all the years of my life bar three, but silent mindful meditation with deep, gentle pelvic breathing has seriously helped, as has too this last year or so taking CBD oil ~ as it almost completely softens out the harshness of most of my seizures. So with the CBD oil I am more calmly bewildered than traumatically fragged, which is a definite bonus even when I do get traumatic frag sessions still.
Kitsune said:It seems that you have a very surreal internal state of reality! I'm intrigued! I like to know how other people experience various mental states in their heads, I'm a firm believer that asking a person about their own subjective experience of a situation will give far better insight into the workings of their mind than any textbook ever will!
Well every time I had a seizure I felt my focus of attention follow my eyes as they rolled back and followed the tunnel of light into the center of my chest as surrounded by the geometric forms of my seven embodiments, and either whited out, coloured in or blacked out. Sometimes I would stay in one embodiment, go through the lot at different rates and intensities, or else go out of body.
If I had not of had my seizure fests I might of been like most people who as if get stuck visually hanging out of their eyes and think they lodge in their head, although I have met others who are chest centered and do not have seizures but are invariably neurologically divergent or aspergenic, or else they have had a near death session too.
Kitsune said:I'm sorry to hear that you had a near death experience when you were 3, what happened?
I woke the parents up wanting a drink. I had a very high temperature, was sweating profusely and then vomited and collapsed. That is the last bit I recall physically. Got carted into hospital and abreacted to the medication and hence the near death session, and came round from the coma a few days later.
Going into the light through the kaliedoscope of colourful geometries was and always has been astoundingly beautiful, and immensely comforting, but the hangover and hangovers afterwards have invariably been devastatingly uncomfortable ~ involving nerves on fire with pins and needles peripherally and centrally, with a body wide bones, organs, muscles and skin migraine along with de-cramping aches and pains.
When I saw the animated film 'A Bug's Life' ~ I identified and laughed way way way too much in massive hysteria at the following sketch:
Kitsune said:Photographing covers of books to aid memory is a very good idea, I use the same technique with posters advertising activities of interest.Thank you for the recommendations of Jung's book, memories, dreams and reflections. Does this explain the psychology of dreams? I wonder if it could explain some of the descriptions that people have given on my dreams thread?
Photographing covers of books to aid memory is a very good idea, I use the same technique with posters advertising activities of interest.
Thank you for the recommendations of Jung's book, memories, dreams and reflections. Does this explain the psychology of dreams? I wonder if it could explain some of the descriptions that people have given on my dreams thread?
Kitsune said:How are you finding 'the divided self'?
Well I am just about to begin chapter 3 with chapter 1 being sound enough in terms of being a simple introduction and chapter 2 seemed to be getting on the way to being interesting thus far.
Kitsune said:I wonder if your friend kept his library like so to dissuade others from borrowing his books?
Kitsune said:One of my friends uses my bookshelves as her own personal library! Although I must say that she is very good and always brings the book that she has borrowed back before she borrows another!
Kitsune said:You're welcome! Does 'Knots' cover all of linguistic semantics? I studied a little of it many years ago when I was a Psychology undergraduate. But it was only a small part of a much larger book on the Psychology of language.
Kitsune said:It's always good to 'be prepared' that is after all the scouting motto!
Kitsune said:It seems very exhausting if you have that many seizures all summer and are then depressed during the winter!?
Kitsune said:Yes I would imagine that pretending to be oneself could get a bit confusing!
Kitsune said:The breathing technique that I use, generally when I'm trying not to have a meltdown is just simple hold my breath to the count of ten, ten times and then try to divert myself, either by paying particular attention to objects in the environment around me or by engaging in another activity. But thank you for the warning to avoid certain types of breathing exercise!
I have noticed that many of today’s prominent thinkers and researchers appear on this podcast, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTUcatGD6xu4tAcxG-1D4Bg/videos. I’ve particularly enjoyed the episodes on cultural and evolutionary psychology.
I agree with you about the Crisis and Critique e-zine, it is too irreparably Marxist for my liking, but does offer another perspective.
Damasio’s work is very interesting, particularly his somatic marker hypothesis.
I find being amongst the actual physical books somehow both comforting and metaphysically nourishing.
Graham Slight Return said:I found this book interesting, Self and emotional life : philosophy. psychoanalysis. and neuroscience.It is available for download here: https://www.pdfdrive.com/self-and-emotional-life-philosophy-psychoanalysis-and-neuroscience-e187542139.html depends how you feel about free downloads.
I found this book interesting, Self and emotional life : philosophy. psychoanalysis. and neuroscience.
It is available for download here: https://www.pdfdrive.com/self-and-emotional-life-philosophy-psychoanalysis-and-neuroscience-e187542139.html depends how you feel about free downloads.
I have no problems doing free part or whole previews and actually buying the books in question, so thanks for the 'advertisement' on this one.
A virtual first read makes the second actual read much more viable in my mind, and the good thing with actual reads is that referring to previous pages is very easy with notary inserts. Plus for my tastes having actual books in line of sight on an actual shelves is far easier than virtual for purposes of recollection and reference.
The first virtual read is good in that if the author uses words or names another author I cannot recall (due to nominal aphasia) and does not exemplify the meaning or philosophy involved, one can check the internet to remind oneself or become informed of it.
Graham Slight Return said:For a magazine edition devoted to the Lacanian approach: https://crisiscritique.org/
In that the Lacanian approach is Freudian, and that I am more in part Adlerian but much more wholly Jungian in my approach ~ the Crisis and Critique site is not really my thing as it is more philosophically political than psychologically metaphysical ~ but thankyou for the link anyway as alternative viewpoints can stimulate additional thinking, and may as such be useful in the future when or if I have the time and inclination to read the articles.
The virtual Self and Emotional Life book has rather got my attentive inclination at the moment, as will then the actual copy next week and then the virtual 'Looking for Spinoza' and actual book by Antonio Damasio covered by the SaEL book ~ being that I have already read and really enjoyed reading Demasio's book 'Descarte's Error' (in 2005) which is also covered in the SaEL book.