Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Got diagnosed with Aspergers in April this year, and while it has been helpful to a degree honestly it's almost raised more questions than it's answered as looking into it I've just found a huge list of possible effects it could have to the point that even explaining it to people is difficult besides just dumbing it down to "to literal don't read people". One of the major issues I'm finding currently is in work, I work full time in an annoyingly open-plan office, and most of the time I can cope and just focus on work, but sometimes minor things just seem to either massively stress me out or cause a complete breakdown (honestly not even sure what I'd call it), yesterday for example I had to change 2 passwords, ended up putting the wrong 1 in to often and thus started 3 hours of trying to sort it out as our companies system for it is ridiculously convoluted, and by the end of it was I so stressed out and tense I couldn't calm down and ended up having to go and work from home, which tends to sort me out fairly quickly.
So to the question, is this actually anything to do with Aspergers or is it just entirely separate not coping with stresses well? and if it is related is the best way to sort it actually any different to other people? The person who did the assessment made a point of some things are other people just need to learn how to deal with people with Aspergers, but there is some stuff you need to work on, however I've been finding it very hard to even confirm what is definitely part of it and what could just be 1 of the other things that can come with it. It's made worse as well as I live with a friend who's advice is always "you just need to grow up and deal with stress like everybody else does it's nothing to do with Aspergers", which is mainly her view as her boyfriend has Aspergers as well and doesn't have this as an issue, so at this point I'm just not sure if she's right and is just being harsh about it, or if she's just wrongly working on a basis of "every single aspie is exactly the same so as my boyfriend isn't like that you shouldn't be either as he's my template for aspies"
Thanks in advance and feel free to say she is right and I just need to deal with it, as honestly even know for sure that's it would help, I just really don't know right now as afterwards I always know it's a stupid thing (I mean having a breakdown from locking yourself out of a computer at work is stupid), but it still ends up happening every few months and if I try to go into work the next day I end up feeling crap again, today I tried to go into work and ended up having to come and work from home again as I couldn't cope, but tomorrow I know I'll almost certainly be fine.
Hi - welcome to the group. I get really overwhelmed at work too; the smallest things can send me into meltdown (this usually happens when I get home, but I can spend an entire day being unable to concentrate on the simplest tasks). Sensory issues are a big problem for me (e.g. the air con being too hot/too loud), but I also find that little annoyances really get to me more than most other people in the office. I struggle to regulate my emotions and I think that's part of it (e.g. if I'm happy, I'm thrilled; if I'm angry, I'm fuming).
When you get overwhelmed at work, is there a quiet place you can go to for some space? I tend to go to the meeting room with my laptop and phone, so people think I'm on an important call. I'm actually just sitting there with the lights off and my noise-cancelling headphones on!
Your friend sounds like she's measuring all autistic people against her boyfriend, which is very unfair. It's a broad spectrum and we're all different.
Just need to find a way to convince her of that :( work are actually trying to help by letting me work from home whenever I feel bad, but now when I do I get my friend questioning why I've had to work from home this time and that I need to just deal with stuff going wrong like a normal person so work don't get annoyed at me, which if anything just makes it worse as the option of going home helps me feel not as trapped, but then having that to go home to makes me not want to use
There are meeting rooms but they all have glass doors and walls and you need to book them out to have them for any length of time making them not that suitable for relaxing, and I don't have a laptop to work from at work so I need to stop working to get away from my desk. That's part of why I asked for the working from home thing and wanted it more regularly but sadly while working from home would reduce the chance of meltdowns entirely it also ruins your hopes of progressing if you are never in as companies tend to not care about the work you do I've found and only how visible you are.
Unfortunately, some people are very hard to convince, but there are people out there who'll respect you for who you are.
Does your friend work with you? I think it's completely fair that you work from home when you're struggling. If it means you're happier, healthier and more productive, it can only be a positive thing.
Ah, it's annoying that the meeting rooms are all glass. Another suggestion then... see if you can find somewhere to go at lunchtime that meets your sensory needs (e.g. a quiet cafe, the library, a park etc). If you're unable to go somewhere quiet at varying points throughout the day, perhaps a quiet lunch break would help you recharge (I've tried this a few times and found it helpful). In terms of working from home ruining progression, perhaps it'd be worth taking a look at other companies/industries. A lot of businesses really embrace working from home and prefer their colleagues to communicate digitally (our company has actually got rid of lots of offices because home working saves a lot of cost). It might be worth looking around to see what's available.
That must be very difficult after a tough day at work. Sitting in your car sounds like a good strategy when you're struggling. I can't believe there are companies out there who are trying to get rid of working from home... it's actually proven to help with productivity!
That sounds like a really good idea - at least you're working towards something that'll open up more opportunities for you. Best of luck with it
Don't work with friend live with so when I get back I end up getting questioned over why I'm home this time, I go sit in my car at lunch so normally if I start feeling crappy near to lunch I can hold out and feel better by the time I'm back. I've tried asking for work from home in general or at least a few times a week but they recently announced they want to entirely do away with it... although that was our CEO who more recently quit so he could work from home... (GRRR)
Currently training myself in C++ in spare time and finding I actually really enjoy it, so hopefully I can get to a point of being able to get a job involving it before long and that'll be more open to working from home.