Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Got diagnosed with Aspergers in April this year, and while it has been helpful to a degree honestly it's almost raised more questions than it's answered as looking into it I've just found a huge list of possible effects it could have to the point that even explaining it to people is difficult besides just dumbing it down to "to literal don't read people". One of the major issues I'm finding currently is in work, I work full time in an annoyingly open-plan office, and most of the time I can cope and just focus on work, but sometimes minor things just seem to either massively stress me out or cause a complete breakdown (honestly not even sure what I'd call it), yesterday for example I had to change 2 passwords, ended up putting the wrong 1 in to often and thus started 3 hours of trying to sort it out as our companies system for it is ridiculously convoluted, and by the end of it was I so stressed out and tense I couldn't calm down and ended up having to go and work from home, which tends to sort me out fairly quickly.
So to the question, is this actually anything to do with Aspergers or is it just entirely separate not coping with stresses well? and if it is related is the best way to sort it actually any different to other people? The person who did the assessment made a point of some things are other people just need to learn how to deal with people with Aspergers, but there is some stuff you need to work on, however I've been finding it very hard to even confirm what is definitely part of it and what could just be 1 of the other things that can come with it. It's made worse as well as I live with a friend who's advice is always "you just need to grow up and deal with stress like everybody else does it's nothing to do with Aspergers", which is mainly her view as her boyfriend has Aspergers as well and doesn't have this as an issue, so at this point I'm just not sure if she's right and is just being harsh about it, or if she's just wrongly working on a basis of "every single aspie is exactly the same so as my boyfriend isn't like that you shouldn't be either as he's my template for aspies"
Thanks in advance and feel free to say she is right and I just need to deal with it, as honestly even know for sure that's it would help, I just really don't know right now as afterwards I always know it's a stupid thing (I mean having a breakdown from locking yourself out of a computer at work is stupid), but it still ends up happening every few months and if I try to go into work the next day I end up feeling crap again, today I tried to go into work and ended up having to come and work from home again as I couldn't cope, but tomorrow I know I'll almost certainly be fine.
Whether it's Aspergers or not, this is clearly something that's impacting you, so don't worry if it's related, accept that you have an opportunity to work on something that'll improve your quality of life and just crack on with it. It'll make you happier.
Personally I think many people with Aspergers are unbelievably good at coping with stress, because they get far too much practice.
You do have to deal with it, and learn how to deal with it, but my experience is that you'll still get it. I do believe it is linked to Aspergers, and indeed bureaucracy and forms and things not working as they should is a significant cause of stress to me too. It can take me three hours and tears to fill in a 12 line expenses form.
Hopefully the diagnosis will help you. You'll at least now have a reason for otherwise irrational stress, and all by itself that helps take a lot of the edge off it. Just knowing that you're at risk of severe stress in response to various things (such as dealing with a terrible computer system) can help you plan those activities, or enlist help from others, or adopt whichever coping mechanisms work best for you.
There are no quick or easy fixes, so treat it as a multi-year self-improvement thing. You'll hopefully rapidly see a lot of benefit, but don't get discouraged if things continue to prove difficult from time to time.
Having the diagnosis does help as at least I feel like there's a reason to it instead of just throwing hissy fits for no reason, it just then becomes harder again when my friend tries to say "nope nothing to do with it you are just throwing hissy fits" as then I end up worse than I was as I then end feeling like I'm trying to convince myself it's to do with diagnosis and that I'm subconsciously letting things get to me more as I have an excuse.
Annoyingly that's another thing I end up doing a lot (no idea if its connect to Aspergers or just a general me trait), always question my own reactions to things, even though I've got a diagnosis I still can't help but question sometimes if I do have it as it just seems to convenient an answer to a lot of the crap in my life.