People downplaying autism

My experience of suffering from neurological disorders per se (abi + autism) is that most people do one of 3 things in response to my displaying or description of my symptoms.

1. Trivialise “oh but you’re not THAT bad, I mean you can still do X”.
2. Normalise “Oh yeah, me too, I do that ALL the time”.
3. Invalidate “I think you’re making out it’s a lot worse than it is”.

I still haven’t managed to work out which one is more annoying

I'm pretty sure it's usually meant well, as a way of expressing solidarity / support, but it does *so* minimise what's going on:

Me: "I struggle to remember things that my brain doesn't naturally attach importance to": Other: "Yeah I know! It comes to us all as we get older!"

Me: "I can't bear to touch fine emery paper": Other "Yeah feels rough doesn't it " (Or, "Don't be silly!" - mother and ex-wife, separately and often)

"I can't hear what you're saying with all this noise in the background" -> "Yeah my hearing's getting like that a bit - age again!"

"I'm 95% sure I'm autistic" -> "I think we're all a bit, in one way or another"

"I've been diagnosed as autistic" -> "You're still the same person though & you've achieved so much! / You're coping really well / (It can't be that severe then)" (Yeah it nearly killed me)

"I find interacting with people face to face exhausting. I've always wondered why I can't do superhuman hours at work like others do" -> "Yeah those meetings do drag a bit don't they?"

"Now I've realised what's going on and given myself permission to be kind to myself, I've reached a level of stress that feels low to me but I now realise is the normal healthy level. Things like not travelling for meetings" -> "That's good, and who knows, you might be able to travel again one day! (get back to the normal person we knew, when you've recovered from your autism)"

"I'm feeling much happier nowadays mum, now I know what's going on; I understand why I hate travelling and interacting with people, and love my daily routine." -> "That's really good, we were *so* worried about you! Maybe you will come [hundreds of miles] and see us soon?"

"Could you please wash up as soon as you've finished cooking that [disgustingly smelly teenager food]?" -> "You don't have to be full-on Aspie all the time just because you've been diagnosed!"

I'm sure there are more. I'm thinking of writing a phrase book "Don't take it to heart, they mean well!" :-).

I've told only a handful of people, perhaps 5 at most, and I got the "well everyone is a little bit autistic" response and the "well you seem to cope fine, what's the problem?" response

I think it's a reasonable analogy.

Yes, an autism diagnosis requires fulfillment of several distinct axes of symptoms if you follow e.g. DSM-V, but these different axes are not co-morbidities. So yes, more than one symptom, but only one condition.

In the same way, pregnancy is one condition with several syptoms, though granted you could argue that only *one* very obvious central symptom is needed to diagnose pregnancy (the presence of a foetus!).

The analogy holds true though, in that with both autism and pregnancy you either have it or don't, and if you *do* the impact on your life will vary from person to person.

Co-morbid conditions of autism such as Ehlers Danloss, learning difficulties etc are not *required* for an autism diagnosis (and in fact muddy the waters as far as public perception of autism is concerned).

One can be autistic without *any* co-morbid conditions - that's why they're called *co*-morbid (meaning "occurring alongside / as well as") to the central condition, which can exist in isolation (like pregnancy can). If it couldn't, the comorbs would be part of the diagnostic criteria, and not comorbs at all.

I hate this analogy.

To be pregnant you need only one symptom-baby growing inside you, you don’t need any “co-morbidities” to be “diagnosed pregnant”. One is enough.

And to be diagnosed with autism you need more than one. 

If someone has only one symptom of autism and nothing more then won’t be diagnosed. 

Nobody will be diagnosed with autism just because of anxiety and nobody will be diagnosed as pregnant just because of morning sickness. Co-morbities are not relevant here. So you can’t be a bit pregnant, just pregnant with more easy or more difficult pregnancy.

But you can have sensory processing disorder or communication issues  without autism. 

I hate this analogy.

To be pregnant you need only one symptom-baby growing inside you, you don’t need any “co-morbidities” to be “diagnosed pregnant”. One is enough.

And to be diagnosed with autism you need more than one. 

If someone has only one symptom of autism and nothing more then won’t be diagnosed. 

Nobody will be diagnosed with autism just because of anxiety and nobody will be diagnosed as pregnant just because of morning sickness. Co-morbities are not relevant here. So you can’t be a bit pregnant, just pregnant with more easy or more difficult pregnancy.

But you can have sensory processing disorder or communication issues  without autism. 

I think it's a reasonable analogy.

Yes, an autism diagnosis requires fulfillment of several distinct axes of symptoms if you follow e.g. DSM-V, but these different axes are not co-morbidities. So yes, more than one symptom, but only one condition.

In the same way, pregnancy is one condition with several syptoms, though granted you could argue that only *one* very obvious central symptom is needed to diagnose pregnancy (the presence of a foetus!).

The analogy holds true though, in that with both autism and pregnancy you either have it or don't, and if you *do* the impact on your life will vary from person to person.

Co-morbid conditions of autism such as Ehlers Danloss, learning difficulties etc are not *required* for an autism diagnosis (and in fact muddy the waters as far as public perception of autism is concerned).

One can be autistic without *any* co-morbid conditions - that's why they're called *co*-morbid (meaning "occurring alongside / as well as") to the central condition, which can exist in isolation (like pregnancy can). If it couldn't, the comorbs would be part of the diagnostic criteria, and not comorbs at all.