Procrastinating

What are you doing while you are doing all this procrastinating?   Playing video games?  Watching tv?   You're not doing nothing - you're just filling your time with the wrong things.    You feel you should be doing things where you are judged as 'normal' by everyone around you.

What do you REALLY want to do that wouldn't be accepted by everyone else?

Yes, I’m normally on my pc playing games or watching twitch, that’s it, day in, day out. Or if I’m spending day with wife we watch tv/films even though she nags me to go out and I just don’t. 

If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you be doing instead?

What are you not admitting to yourself?  

The grinding to a halt is normally a symptom of being in the wrong life - so it's difficult to see a way forward when every path in front of you is something you don't want to be doing.

NTs live at an agreed level of BS/lies - let's say 40% lies - in their daily life - little lies like clocking out early, exaggerating their wealth, not doing their work properly, never finishing anything - it's all expected and normal.

Salesmen and lawyers operate at around 80% lies - but again, expected and accepted.

Aspies tend to be honest and methodical so we operate at close to zero lies/BS so we stand out as obviously 'different' in our values so we are treated with suspicion.

Inability to fight our corner via clear communication marks us down as a potential victim.   

Social awkwardness separates us from the 'in' crowd.

Those 3 things make the work environment a living hell.

I always get bullied, home, school, college and every job I've had since and never understood why, 

I was lucky - I mostly worked on my own so I could do amazing things but without having to rely on others.   The only stress was when I had to interact with my lying, incompetent, manipulative bullying boss.

the conversation thing is similar and I'm normally exhausted after an in-depth one, also the rules is somewhat similar but I'm weird with that one as it don't always bother me, I can sometimes break rules and other times get quite anxious if I'm made to lie or if other people lie it affects me a bit, what always gets me is if I'm given a task in a team work scenario and they aren't doing how i consider it to be down it does bother me a lot.  

if your counsellor doesn't 'get it' then you might never get there.   

Break things into small chunks and work out where you problems occur - like when I talk to people, it takes so much processing power to appear 'normal' that my memory is disabled.  I forget conversations - and what people look like.

I'm compelled to do the right thing - an overblown sense of social justice - and I cannot understand how others can simply break the rules and lie - and get away with it.   It makes it difficult to form relationships with known liars.

Have you identified any common issues?

i find it really hard to explain how it affects me but im hoping one day i will have the clarity that you seem to possess.

Do you understand your Asperger's?

I find that all of my problems come from chaos - any interaction or process where the outcome is not 100% predictable - like dealing with people or relying on things that are out of my control.   I see the natural and correct way to do everything but no-one else does - so things happen in ways I don't like.  

Telephone calls are a nightmare - I cannot predict what is coming next so I'm vulnerable to skilled manipulators - and knowing that causes me stress.

I find the day's stress overwhelming so i need time to decompress and convert all of the day's uncomfortable interactions into things I can solve in my head.    That allows them to be filed away.

Negative interactions are bad because I often won't understand what went wrong so I am compelled to process them over and over until they can be solved.

All this takes time where I am unpredictable - I'm 99% stressed so the slightest demand placed on me risks me being overloaded.

How does it affect you in a basic level - or are you still at the 'overloaded but don't understand why' position?

Yep, I was assuming that too, I'm seeing a post diagnosis counsellor but it's not really helping, it's just talking but no solutions, I do feel I need more support but wouldn't what or where to start or even if I'm ready for it yet.
She is trying but no she isn't always sympathetic/understanding but i don't hold that against her as no she is so not up to speed with what Asperger is and again i don't expect her to be as I'm not myself. 

September? - then you're probably in a post diagnosis depression.  

Lots of self-analysis needed to work out who you really are.   What support do you have from GP or anyone?

How sympathetic/understanding is your wife?     Is she up to speed with what Asperger's is?

September? - then you're probably in a post diagnosis depression.  

Lots of self-analysis needed to work out who you really are.   What support do you have from GP or anyone?

How sympathetic/understanding is your wife?     Is she up to speed with what Asperger's is?

NTs live at an agreed level of BS/lies - let's say 40% lies - in their daily life - little lies like clocking out early, exaggerating their wealth, not doing their work properly, never finishing anything - it's all expected and normal.

Salesmen and lawyers operate at around 80% lies - but again, expected and accepted.

Aspies tend to be honest and methodical so we operate at close to zero lies/BS so we stand out as obviously 'different' in our values so we are treated with suspicion.

Inability to fight our corner via clear communication marks us down as a potential victim.   

Social awkwardness separates us from the 'in' crowd.

Those 3 things make the work environment a living hell.

I always get bullied, home, school, college and every job I've had since and never understood why, 

I was lucky - I mostly worked on my own so I could do amazing things but without having to rely on others.   The only stress was when I had to interact with my lying, incompetent, manipulative bullying boss.

the conversation thing is similar and I'm normally exhausted after an in-depth one, also the rules is somewhat similar but I'm weird with that one as it don't always bother me, I can sometimes break rules and other times get quite anxious if I'm made to lie or if other people lie it affects me a bit, what always gets me is if I'm given a task in a team work scenario and they aren't doing how i consider it to be down it does bother me a lot.  

if your counsellor doesn't 'get it' then you might never get there.   

Break things into small chunks and work out where you problems occur - like when I talk to people, it takes so much processing power to appear 'normal' that my memory is disabled.  I forget conversations - and what people look like.

I'm compelled to do the right thing - an overblown sense of social justice - and I cannot understand how others can simply break the rules and lie - and get away with it.   It makes it difficult to form relationships with known liars.

Have you identified any common issues?

i find it really hard to explain how it affects me but im hoping one day i will have the clarity that you seem to possess.

Do you understand your Asperger's?

I find that all of my problems come from chaos - any interaction or process where the outcome is not 100% predictable - like dealing with people or relying on things that are out of my control.   I see the natural and correct way to do everything but no-one else does - so things happen in ways I don't like.  

Telephone calls are a nightmare - I cannot predict what is coming next so I'm vulnerable to skilled manipulators - and knowing that causes me stress.

I find the day's stress overwhelming so i need time to decompress and convert all of the day's uncomfortable interactions into things I can solve in my head.    That allows them to be filed away.

Negative interactions are bad because I often won't understand what went wrong so I am compelled to process them over and over until they can be solved.

All this takes time where I am unpredictable - I'm 99% stressed so the slightest demand placed on me risks me being overloaded.

How does it affect you in a basic level - or are you still at the 'overloaded but don't understand why' position?

Yep, I was assuming that too, I'm seeing a post diagnosis counsellor but it's not really helping, it's just talking but no solutions, I do feel I need more support but wouldn't what or where to start or even if I'm ready for it yet.
She is trying but no she isn't always sympathetic/understanding but i don't hold that against her as no she is so not up to speed with what Asperger is and again i don't expect her to be as I'm not myself.