Procrastinating

Thanks cloud7, that's a good example too and easy to understand.

Apologies, I missed your reply. Lagrangian is pretty much spot on. Urgent but not important is usually somebody's else's request. E.g. In a work environment: It is their deadline that is approaching and so you may be asked to drop everything (urgency) to come up with some figures for a meeting they are due to go to in an hour (important to them, not important to you).

blank_smile said:

Not important but urgent

Just reading this thread and a bit stuck here, can you give me some examples of this? I am really struggling with that one, thanks, 

NTs live at an agreed level of BS/lies - let's say 40% lies - in their daily life - little lies like clocking out early, exaggerating their wealth, not doing their work properly, never finishing anything - it's all expected and normal.

Salesmen and lawyers operate at around 80% lies - but again, expected and accepted.

Aspies tend to be honest and methodical so we operate at close to zero lies/BS so we stand out as obviously 'different' in our values so we are treated with suspicion.

Inability to fight our corner via clear communication marks us down as a potential victim.   

Social awkwardness separates us from the 'in' crowd.

Those 3 things make the work environment a living hell.

I always get bullied, home, school, college and every job I've had since and never understood why, 

I was lucky - I mostly worked on my own so I could do amazing things but without having to rely on others.   The only stress was when I had to interact with my lying, incompetent, manipulative bullying boss.

the conversation thing is similar and I'm normally exhausted after an in-depth one, also the rules is somewhat similar but I'm weird with that one as it don't always bother me, I can sometimes break rules and other times get quite anxious if I'm made to lie or if other people lie it affects me a bit, what always gets me is if I'm given a task in a team work scenario and they aren't doing how i consider it to be down it does bother me a lot.  

if your counsellor doesn't 'get it' then you might never get there.   

Break things into small chunks and work out where you problems occur - like when I talk to people, it takes so much processing power to appear 'normal' that my memory is disabled.  I forget conversations - and what people look like.

I'm compelled to do the right thing - an overblown sense of social justice - and I cannot understand how others can simply break the rules and lie - and get away with it.   It makes it difficult to form relationships with known liars.

Have you identified any common issues?

i find it really hard to explain how it affects me but im hoping one day i will have the clarity that you seem to possess.

Do you understand your Asperger's?

I find that all of my problems come from chaos - any interaction or process where the outcome is not 100% predictable - like dealing with people or relying on things that are out of my control.   I see the natural and correct way to do everything but no-one else does - so things happen in ways I don't like.  

Telephone calls are a nightmare - I cannot predict what is coming next so I'm vulnerable to skilled manipulators - and knowing that causes me stress.

I find the day's stress overwhelming so i need time to decompress and convert all of the day's uncomfortable interactions into things I can solve in my head.    That allows them to be filed away.

Negative interactions are bad because I often won't understand what went wrong so I am compelled to process them over and over until they can be solved.

All this takes time where I am unpredictable - I'm 99% stressed so the slightest demand placed on me risks me being overloaded.

How does it affect you in a basic level - or are you still at the 'overloaded but don't understand why' position?

Yep, I was assuming that too, I'm seeing a post diagnosis counsellor but it's not really helping, it's just talking but no solutions, I do feel I need more support but wouldn't what or where to start or even if I'm ready for it yet.
She is trying but no she isn't always sympathetic/understanding but i don't hold that against her as no she is so not up to speed with what Asperger is and again i don't expect her to be as I'm not myself. 

September? - then you're probably in a post diagnosis depression.  

Lots of self-analysis needed to work out who you really are.   What support do you have from GP or anyone?

How sympathetic/understanding is your wife?     Is she up to speed with what Asperger's is?

yes, Asperger's, got diagnosed September 

Don't get me wrong, I want thing's but have no idea how to get them being the way that I am, nor can i get motivated to find out how. Just feel lost in this strange world, a world that i feel the only way i can succeed is to do things that make me unwell.

Then there may be some difficult decisions to be made.   Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want and the procrastinating is just avoiding/delaying the inevitable.

Maybe if you explain the problem she might get on board.  Are you diagnosed? 

So have a good think about a lifestyle that would suit you that would be attainable.

Set your sights on the achievable.

When I was young I wanted a mansion and Ferrari - my measly pay packets soon killed that dream.

I think I've worked out what I need from life and I'm working towards that.  That is my motivation.

The norm, house, kids, jobs, money. All things that I feel I can't provide.

So you need to have a long chat with your wife and explain things and come to an understanding of the way forward.   You need to find a compromise where you both get what you need without forcing hardship on each other.  

What kind of life would she happily put up with if it made you happy?

What are her aspirations and does she understand that she might need to re-think her life?

I hear you, think I just need to find the things that truly make me happy.
I've never had friends as it's something that's always been difficult to obtain.
If i'm honest, right now, no I don't have any enthusiasm with anything, which is again something I struggle with. I'm just a mess

I'm a little obsessed with twitch lol.
The responses are amazing, Do I feel motivated, no and i think that's the route of a lot of my issues, I just cant get motivated, can't even get motivated to implement the techniques you guys are sharing with me. No idea what's next, I'm just drifting through life at the moment.