A question about masking

I only got diagnosed with aspergers last September at the age of 32 and have somewhat been masking my whole life, well after getting diagnosed I was kinda hoping I’d let go a little, start to be me rather than the person that perceived as normal. Issue is I can’t seem to stop masking and I’m so very tired, exhausted and I feel I can’t do it anymore but I can’t stop myself and what’s weirder is that some people have seen the real me and say they like the real me and yet I do t believe them and still subconsciously mask. Driving me a bit mental to be honest. Also my wife, I love her to bits, she won’t allow me to be me around her family(not that I can any way). I just want it to stop and be free from this cage that I’m in. 

Hey, I just read this in passing but I felt the need to reply. Masking can be very exhausting. I only bother to mask when I'm talking with non-autistic people, simply because it makes the interaction run a lot more smoothly and doesn't leave me otherthinking afterwards about what I could have done/said differently, if I was following 'the rules' then that's good enough for me, but it does take a toll on me and drain me. Since being diagnosed with Aspergers at the end of last year I've made friends with fellow autistic people, a couple of people that I was already friends with are also seeking assessment or have self diagnosed. I find that I don't feel the need to mask when I'm with other autistic people, it's a lot less mentally draining. Why won't your wife allow you to be near her family? That sounds very belittling of you if I'm honest. Is your wife supportive of your diagnosis?

no she allows me to be near her family but tends to nip any autistic behaviour in the butt of which she did before diagnosis, erm yes and no, she is supportive to a certain point but still want's me to get a job and be 'normal' so we can live a 'normal' life. but i don't hold that against her as this diagnosis doesn't only affect me.

Wow! It really does seem as if you've received a lot of negativity since being diagnosed!!

Well we got a new saying now lol

The saying is "nip it in the bud" - i.e. before it starts growing :-)

Unfortunately my wife lives there(I don’t because of all that and more) so I have to go there to visit. 

Not worth educate as I don’t think they care to learn so would be a waste of energy 

Wife is supportive but she won’t do either of those, fight or flight. 

Hopefully once pip stop being ash-holes and realise I need help we will be able to afford our own place and then I will hardly see her lot so win win. 

It wasn’t but I’m glad it made you smile, I can’t see the pun lmao

WOW.

That is just awful and frankly highlights the fact they are ignorant ash-holes (NAS is a bit nanny-state when it comes to obscenities)...

If it were me I'd probably stop going over there, you have a neurological condition and need understanding and support, not ignorance and blame...

You could try to 'educate' them but it doesn't sound like it'd be worth the effort.

Is your wife supportive? If she is then maybe agree to 'bin off' her duckhead family or else she needs to 'fight' them on your behalf.

Hope you get it sorted

Whats-His-Face said:

nip any autistic behaviour in the butt

Hi Jason *am* reading your story with sympathy (I can relate to the ways that family can be so annoying) but this made me smile. Don't know if it's a deliberate pun but it's a good one!

I Am Who I Am said:

I almost laughed when I saw you mention Glade plug-ins. I cannot stand any perfume or strong smells and especially the nasty smells that come from air fresheners and the like. My wife thinks they're great and has two in the house. I call it the Glade game. She plugs one in and switches it on. I wait until she is out and switch it off. She doesn't notice for weeks sometimes. Then when she notices she doesn't seem to realise that she left it switched on before. On the odd occasion she does know she left it on, I say I needed the socket for the vacuum or something and forgot to put it back on. Then, 5 minutes later when she walks out of the room, I sneakily switch it back off again...

Now that I am officially diagnosed and she knows, I am plucking up the courage to tell her the real list of all my issues. This will have to include a confession about the Glade game... 8)

Sorry to quote this whole slab but it made me smile. I can relate so much. I'm OK with some GPIs (Glade PlugIns) but some give me a headache like someone is ramming ice into my eyes. Likewise one particular version of those popular "sticks in oil" air fresheners.

In-laws are cr@p. That's their purpose I think ;)

Former Member thank you, it made very hurt and upset at the time and I don’t think i’ll ever get over it. 

Something I’m definitely aiming to do in the near future

Something I’m definitely aiming to do in the near future