A question about masking

Odd thing is I never masked much that I was aware of until I found out more about it. There were little things like growing my hair to block light, wearing headphones obsessively, and other stuff, which were more coping strategies than masking looking back.

I tic, stim, rock, speak to myself, sing and hum, imitate noises, and I've always done it. I have lots of things that people probably see as odd in my personality too. People just thought of it as odd but as they got to know me they'd just pretty much accept it and leave me alone. I have had people be a *** about it, but I can be just as much if not more of a *** than them when I'm singled out. I'm pretty easy to get along with and goof around a lot, so it sort of had a fit.

When I was diagnosed and found out about it all, I became self-concscious, and it became quite stressful. It had never really been a problem, I got into a few fights with pisstakers, but that was about it. Surpressing it was much worse, like having a brain full of worms!

I'd say if you are comfortable, unaware, and it's not much of a problem, just go on as you are. You might be doing something subconciously, not masking all, or you might not have much to mask. If you are OK don't make a thing of it, just carry on living as you are.

All the best.

For me it was a bit of both conscious and sub-conscious, for all my life I had to pretend I was someone else to a certain extent, then I chose to study performing arts in attempt to "come out of my shell", but what I was actually doing was constructing a better shell. And by better I mean one more suited to neurotypical society. 

Oh I havent thought of it like this. I'm 37 now and only recently it was mentioned I may be Autistic. Looking back I have masked all of my life, I tried commiting suicide twice due to overload. Now I know what was causing this and now I'm not trying to fit in I'm happier. I still struggle with people, just today I've had a situation with a neighbour that has made me uncomfortable and anxious which I'm sure was because of masking, trtying to fit in, be accepted. I go about it all wrong and people take advantage. I sometimes think I've masked so long I forget not to mask

I hear a lot about masking, but I'm not aware of myself consciously and deliberately doing that. I wonder however. Can masking be a subconscious/reflex thing rather than something that you purposely do?

Masking is a socially shared and enforced re-characterisation of individual behaviour, so that individuals fit in with the collective behaviourisms of society and sustain a particular mythological or ideological pretense ~ in the sense of the world is but a stage and so on and so forth.

The greater and lesser majority of the human populace are dependent upon being behaviourally programmed and intellectually scripted to play one part pretty much their whole life long ~ without knowing or questioning their socially fostered and personally adopted role, whereas the greater and lesser minorities are more inclined to knowing, questioning, adapting and even rejecting or never accepting the ethos of being otherwise or elsewhere than they actually are.

Daughter's just done 2 weeks volunteering at an animal sanctuary - she's all kittened out.

Prefer to spend time with an animal than a person any day. 

Me too - always having dog owners say "he never does that with anyone else" when their dog is asleep upside down at my feet.    I seem to exude calm so the animals relax around me.    

blank_smile said:

children flock to me

Me too. And animals trust me

Here's a thought about masking. Can children see straight through it? They haven't developed the complex skill of indirect language yet. Weirdly children flock to me - can they see straight through me?? Yesterday I went to nursery for an hour with my son to play. I was surrounded within minutes by loads of kids. The other dads were left alone with their own kids. I haven't got anything against it, I just find it odd! This happens to me all the time, even when meeting children for the first time - they feel at ease with me. In a room with adults it's usually me playing with all the kids. Is it because we're communicating on the same level, i.e. literally with no mind games or hidden meanings?

There was one little girl who doesn't talk or approach anybody - she held my hand and tried to lead me away to play with her, bless her heart!

Wow! It really does seem as if you've received a lot of negativity since being diagnosed!!

Well we got a new saying now lol

The saying is "nip it in the bud" - i.e. before it starts growing :-)

Unfortunately my wife lives there(I don’t because of all that and more) so I have to go there to visit. 

Not worth educate as I don’t think they care to learn so would be a waste of energy 

Wife is supportive but she won’t do either of those, fight or flight. 

Hopefully once pip stop being ash-holes and realise I need help we will be able to afford our own place and then I will hardly see her lot so win win. 

It wasn’t but I’m glad it made you smile, I can’t see the pun lmao

WOW.

That is just awful and frankly highlights the fact they are ignorant ash-holes (NAS is a bit nanny-state when it comes to obscenities)...

If it were me I'd probably stop going over there, you have a neurological condition and need understanding and support, not ignorance and blame...

You could try to 'educate' them but it doesn't sound like it'd be worth the effort.

Is your wife supportive? If she is then maybe agree to 'bin off' her duckhead family or else she needs to 'fight' them on your behalf.

Hope you get it sorted

Whats-His-Face said:

nip any autistic behaviour in the butt

Hi Jason *am* reading your story with sympathy (I can relate to the ways that family can be so annoying) but this made me smile. Don't know if it's a deliberate pun but it's a good one!

I Am Who I Am said:

I almost laughed when I saw you mention Glade plug-ins. I cannot stand any perfume or strong smells and especially the nasty smells that come from air fresheners and the like. My wife thinks they're great and has two in the house. I call it the Glade game. She plugs one in and switches it on. I wait until she is out and switch it off. She doesn't notice for weeks sometimes. Then when she notices she doesn't seem to realise that she left it switched on before. On the odd occasion she does know she left it on, I say I needed the socket for the vacuum or something and forgot to put it back on. Then, 5 minutes later when she walks out of the room, I sneakily switch it back off again...

Now that I am officially diagnosed and she knows, I am plucking up the courage to tell her the real list of all my issues. This will have to include a confession about the Glade game... 8)

Sorry to quote this whole slab but it made me smile. I can relate so much. I'm OK with some GPIs (Glade PlugIns) but some give me a headache like someone is ramming ice into my eyes. Likewise one particular version of those popular "sticks in oil" air fresheners.

In-laws are cr@p. That's their purpose I think ;)

Former Member thank you, it made very hurt and upset at the time and I don’t think i’ll ever get over it. 

Something I’m definitely aiming to do in the near future