Life has broken my heart

The support on here is something else, not many places you can go like this. :-)

Just want to say sorry to most the people who replied that I didn't respond to. I'm feeling under the weather with my immune system at the moment so am struggling to concentrate and stay focused. I'm on track to make progress, it's just at the moment I'm not all with it.

Things are looking better though, I had a very productive day today.

That sounds like a good idea! I hope that the classes go well :-)

There aren't but I'm going to try a reading group at a recovery college ran by the local NHS. I like reading so maybe that'll be good. Think I might try a short college class soon too, you never know, it might go better than the other times. Since I last went to college I've lost a bit of weight so might feel more confident now.

Hi, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in finding the typical male stereotype unappealing. I also hate that men's clothes tend to come only in navy blue, brown or grey, and I find it depressing too. I've never understood the fascination with football, and that it's seen as somehow defective and/or suspicious if you don't drink beer.

I grew up in a northern, bitter-drinking, smoking, football-obsessed region where intellectual skills were derided (out of some psychological defence against envy I think) & I hated it. I used to hear so often "That's just book learnin' - I went to the university of life me!" (I wish I had been quick enough to point out that students who go to actual universities go to the university of life *as well*!).

Thing *are* changing though. Society is coming to realise that male and female stereotypes don't really help anyone, and that everyone is their own person. Unfortunately, it's a really slow process and not even across all of our subcultures.

I was bullied at school too if it helps.

I know it's really difficult when you're hurting as much as you are at the moment to see the positives in life and taking advice from anyone is almost impossible.

The way I've found my way out of these situations is to find a spark of enthusiasm or glimmer of hope within myself and nurture it. It doesn't matter how small or trivial it is. For me, it was "I love coffee and I'm going to make one and drink it". I enjoyed the coffee, and the logic of "Happy thought -> pleasurable activity" was re-established. 

Give yourself permission to breathe and simply enjoy breathing - sod the rest of them!

that's a shame! Are there any online groups for autistic adults near you? 

I feel like there's a cultural problem with the people in my area that goes beyond the NT/Autistic differences. I think the people here are cold and hard because of the history of industrial poverty in the area. From age 0 to 6 I lived in a coal mining town in North West England, then my family moved to a village in North Wales where I grew up. Then around age 18 we moved back to the coal mining town, we didn't like it at all so we moved then to a small town in Mid Wales. I found that a hard place to live so I got a flat in another North West England town, that was a drag too. So after 4 years I moved back to the Mid Wales town and back in with my parents. Then in that Mid Wales town I got to feeling sick of it and my mother wanted to live by the sea so now we live in a seaside town in North West England. This town is pretty nice, beautiful architecture and had an amazing history but it's near a very deprived area and has become more filled up with problems and changed over the years. 

But I sometimes think the whole of the UK has gone to the dogs. I don't feel much hope at the moment. But the idea of going to London was to get away from the hardened industrial north and to see if the south is more laidback.

I had some decent conversations with the Samaritans last night. I'm not sure what chills me out. I watch Seinfeld episodes sometimes.

Sorry you got taken advantage of, that stinks. 

Why will you move to London? I moved when I was 17 (I was made homeless at this age when my parents split) I found it too much to cope with in London and was taken advantage of there more than ever. Dont do anything rash. 

Whats your go to chill out thing, go and do that. (
mine is listening to 1940s stories for example!) or call samaritans their really good and non judgemental 

I think I will have to move to London soon. I will miss my mother, who is 70, because I am scared of how she will cope as she gets older. But she lives with my dad, a brutal bully who made my life hell for many years.

I feel she made her choice, and I can't stay in this town much longer, I believe, since it's full of small minded, provincial bigots.

But I tried. I went to college and tried to make something of my self and the other students messed around, disrupted the class and I learned little. And got not very far. I became tired. And I lost motivation. And such is life. 

Nope none here

I have been bullied all my life and taken advantage of for my gentleness. I'm having a bad day where someones come up to me on my allotment and said nasty stuff when I was minding my own business. I'm hating people right now like you but I know I have a couple of good people around me also. Try focus on the good no matter how small x

Do you have the opportunity to mix with other autistic people in your local area? Are there any Aspergers social groups that you could attend? I just wonder if you might feel more comfortable and accepted among other autistic people? 

Isn't it weird that the world is 'all for diversity' yet when somebody doesn't conform to the rat race it terrifies them? The truth is they're probably intimidated by you and the only way they know how to deal with it is to lash out. You sit outside of their deep cultured beliefs of what a 'man' should look like and do.

From reading your responses you are still you, as in you're still dressing the same etc which is a huge positive in itself - don't let them change who you are.

At work I have a boring job that most people don't understand, it's all numbers based. I remember once a colleague was shocked because my car is bright yellow - she said it didn't fit me. I'm expected to drive a grey BMW I think but I hate them, they all look the same and are boring. Why would I want that just to fit it? People expect you to behave and look a certain way because they behave and look a certain way and when you don't it upsets them (for some reason??)

It's easy for me to type words though, in reality it's very hard to ignore the negative behaviour of others. It does get you down. But there's lots of accepting people out there too, like the people here, who aren't threatened by difference and are accepting of other people's uniqueness.

Most of those 'male' skills can be easily picked up from youtube videos and there's usually classic car clubs where you can go along and help out if you're that bothered about that scene.   Flamoboyant clothing will attract attention - and if you're not skilled or prepared for that attention then, as a pile of puppies do, you will be singled out for negative attention for being different.   It's an unpleasant but actually fairly normal attribute of mammals.  Humans are not very advanced from animals and when you're dealing with the uneducated, those behaviors are closer to the surface.  Football hooliganism is the normal outlet for it.

Why not just accept that you are you - and find a place where you fit.   You may not have 2.3 kids and a BMW - millions don't - but what do you really want in life?

Once you figure out who you are and what you want - without trying to measure up to the modern consumer lifestyle - then the sooner you can take steps to find your own path.

I have friends who live on a boat, another who lives in a shack in the woods and another in a converted stable - and they are all outside 'modern life'.  They found their place in the world.

Meetup.com is a social website that for meeting like-minded people - anything from coffee meetings to museum visits to exercise walking to international travel buddies - there's something for everyone - or even start your own group for whatever your interests are.

I've always lived in poverty and I've always felt out of place. Have any of you seen the Queen or Elton John biopic films recently released?

It occurred to me I've been through many of the same things as Freddie Mercury or Elton John but never had the success. I'm a misfit too, have worn flamboyant clothing, am not someone who can fit into the working class expectations.

When I was young my father forced me to read many weighty literary books. I was never allowed to get involved with anything practical. So I have virtually zero practical skills with cars, DIY or anything most working class men do. I don't like football because my dad loved it and him and I couldn't stand each other.

I can't drive for medical reasons so do not have that car/motorbike bonding experience many men have either. In short, I just wish I had more money so I could not feel oppressed by living around people I have more or less nothing in common with. 

Thank you for expressing sympathy. Not one specific incident really, it's that I'm a social outcast. Blackbird's thread feels like it explains pretty well what I go through, it's the way people respond to how I am, it seems a running theme. 

Well I appreciate what you're written, it's very good of you to put the time and effort in for me. I'm not sure what to do, I'll ponder on what you've put here.

Hi,

Really sorry to hear about you getting beaten up etc. It sounds awful...

Sure, being sensitive does annoy some people but it won't annoy everyone. Some people prefer the company of very sensitive people.

The face thing is interesting - I have that a bit too even though I'm not a man. Again it's something that can also be a great strength. Children love seeing an expressive face, for example!

Wearing the bright colours shows character and shows you respect yourself. It's good! Never mind if it winds people up.

Sound like you have got into a bit of a vicious circle with having negative experiences where you're badly treated. Well, it doesn't have to go on like that forever. I can only say, what I said in my last message to advise you, but stick to your feeling of respecting yourself by dressing differently and remember that you have chosen to be happy whatever!

If you've been picked on, it isn't really because it's you, it's because people just find it hard to accept difference. Feel proud to be different though. It would be really boring if everyone was the same!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. Is it one particular incident that has bothered you or a combination of many?

But I believe part of why people tear into me is because I'm sensitive and I look it and it annoys people. I dress in colourful clothes unlike most men and that annoys people, I do it because wearing the clothes most men wear makes me feel depressed. But I don't like being judged for needing to wear bright clothes to feel happier either. My face too is emotional and I think that offends people, they prefer men who look macho and tough. 

In school I was beat up a lot and namecalled a lot, probably because the other children knew I got upset more than some kids. I never finished school. Same happened in college, got made fun of by classmates. When I volunteered was given the cold shoulder and inferior treatment to others. It all adds up.

Also, be yourself. Never mind whether they will or won't accept you. Enjoy being who you are and try to be the most positive form of yourself that that you can be (shutting out the negatives that may drag you down). this is for your benefit, so that you will feel good about yourself.