Published on 12, July, 2020
I am facing part 2 of my assessment in a few weeks and I struggle with childhood memories (won't be taking a parent). I've been reading other people's experiences from when they thought back to their childhood and discovered probably autistic behaviours that they hadn't previously considered "different" or autistic in particular. I would love it if some people could write about their childhood memories where they, looking back now, struggled or made mistakes because of their autism. Not for me to copy of course, I just find it helps me kickstart some of my own memories if that makes sense? It's hard for me to think of examples so reading other people's examples helps me think about whether I've been in a similar situation.
My early babyhood is largely a blank. Now that might be completely normal. I haven't really read enough on this subject to say, as yet. I seem to have just one enduring memory. But I'm now not so sure that it wasn't just a later dream. My reading research suggests that REM sleep is a daily means to program one's instinctive templates, with metaphorical images expressing the unresolved issues of the previous day; as a way to erase energy-sapping 'worries' that might persist into the following day. But as only a few dreams are ever really remembered, could it be that I dreamed that memory at a much later date? Perhaps that dream was just built on things and people that still figured large in my life. Perhaps that dream actually occurred after a severe illness had erased some of my earlier memories. Perhaps the vividness of the dream has ensured that it has stayed with me my whole life. (Most dreams are just erased on waking, as a means to free up the mind for the new rigours of the following day). So, we like to think we can remember, but perhaps need to treat some memories with caution. One can never be entirely sure, I feel. That said, I really enjoy reminiscing, and feel that it can be very constructive in demonstrating that not everything in our lives can always be perceived in black and white terms. And it seems like I have gained quite a few very useful insights from later childhood memories. I still worry a bit, though, that I might be engaged in dredging up just those memories that justify and endorse my recent diagnosis. No spectrum diagnosis is ever entirely rock solid for much older people, but does that really matter if our memories enable us is to be more constructive with the passing years.
How did you play at Primary- by yourself or with others? If with others, did you have to be in charge (control)?
Did you take things literally?
Did you see patterns that others didn’t? I remember that “3 sevens are 21” sounded right, but “4 sevens are 28 didn’t”.
Did you have obsessions?
I’m still in contact with several school friends and asked for help. I also managed to get a former teacher to write a report.
Thank you so much.This is so helpful. I don't know why I seem to be completely unable to just remember things, I don't think my memories are gone, I just can't dip into my memories and pull some out very easily. It feels physically exhausting trying to remember. So this really helps, thank you.
Hi NAS62413, how about this.......it may help you to do what I've done here in thinking through the various headings?
Hope this helps:
Sensory stuff
- The classic one about insisting that clothing labels were cut out of clothes
- Couldn't bare touching sandpaper & chalk (still can't)
- Didn't like getting wet (still don't really)
Literal thinking
- When my mum promised to do something "in a minute" I would watch the clock and tell her a minute had passed & she still hadn't done it
- The song "I've got you under my skin" freaked me out a bit
Special interests
- I would get absorbed in science books and doing experiments to the exclusion of everything else
Social interaction
- No friends at school
- Often got bored at playschool & complained to teachers but didn't want to "see what the others are doing"
- Bullied at primary and secondary school for being weird
- No interest in small talk
- Much preferred my own company to anything else (still do)