I am facing part 2 of my assessment in a few weeks and I struggle with childhood memories (won't be taking a parent). I've been reading other people's experiences from when they thought back to their childhood and discovered probably autistic behaviours that they hadn't previously considered "different" or autistic in particular. I would love it if some people could write about their childhood memories where they, looking back now, struggled or made mistakes because of their autism. Not for me to copy of course, I just find it helps me kickstart some of my own memories if that makes sense? It's hard for me to think of examples so reading other people's examples helps me think about whether I've been in a similar situation.
My early babyhood is largely a blank. Now that might be completely normal. I haven't really read enough on this subject to say, as yet. I seem to have just one enduring memory. But I'm now not so sure that it wasn't just a later dream. My reading research suggests that REM sleep is a daily means to program one's instinctive templates, with metaphorical images expressing the unresolved issues of the previous day; as a way to erase energy-sapping 'worries' that might persist into the following day. But as only a few dreams are ever really remembered, could it be that I dreamed that memory at a much later date? Perhaps that dream was just built on things and people that still figured large in my life. Perhaps that dream actually occurred after a severe illness had erased some of my earlier memories. Perhaps the vividness of the dream has ensured that it has stayed with me my whole life. (Most dreams are just erased on waking, as a means to free up the mind for the new rigours of the following day). So, we like to think we can remember, but perhaps need to treat some memories with caution. One can never be entirely sure, I feel. That said, I really enjoy reminiscing, and feel that it can be very constructive in demonstrating that not everything in our lives can always be perceived in black and white terms. And it seems like I have gained quite a few very useful insights from later childhood memories. I still worry a bit, though, that I might be engaged in dredging up just those memories that justify and endorse my recent diagnosis. No spectrum diagnosis is ever entirely rock solid for much older people, but does that really matter if our memories enable us is to be more constructive with the passing years.