Do you ever feel guilty?

I used to but I gave it up. Feeling guilty is destructive. I do the exact same thing you do with your parents, but the way I deal with it now, is that this is simply who I am, I accept myself and others either will or won’t and I reckon by now,  my parents have a good idea about what I’m like and they’re still talking to me so I guess they accept me as well.

If you really wanted to change it, you could. For example, by preparing before you go. Write out the questions you would like to ask, such as how are you, and simply be prepared to feel uncomfortable for the short period of time while you’re talking about them ~ with practice this will get easier. Then when that’s done, you can get right back into the business of being you and you can talk away with no guilt, about all the things you’re interested in. 

I think part of what threw me with this is I actually noticed. So in some ways now I'm looking at that really positively and thinking wow I actually noticed a social error without anyone pointing it out.

But in other ways I do care about my parents and I don't want them to think otherwise.

I think part of the problem was because I hadn't seen them for a while I'd stored up lots I wanted to say. I sort of forgot they also have lives that carry on when I don't see them.

Planning it more is a good idea.

A social error?!?! ~ that could be part of your problem. I don’t see me not asking how people are as a ‘social error’ ~ what the f**k is a social error? That’s wild, lol! I just see it as that’s the way I am.  I’m not that interested, in the main, to hear about other people because their lives generally bore me and I’m honest about that so I guess most people I know wouldn’t expect me to ask them how they are etc as they already know I think their lives are boring, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love and care about them, it just means I don’t want to hear about their boring lives as it winds me up trying to listen to them. My son gets upset by this but so what, I’m not in control of his happiness and if he chooses to get upset by the fact I hardly ever listen to him, so be it, that’s his problem, and it’s certainly not mine. 

Yes, I too have only just noticed that I never ask people how they are but so what, that’s me. If I really want people to know I care, and I think that asking them how they are will show that, I’ll simply plan to do that but never have I thought I was committing a social error. I don’t even know what a social error is. And if somebody is taking too long to tell me how they are, I’ll simply stop them and say I’m sorry, but this is starting to really wind me up and I’m starting to lose the will to live so I’m going to have to ask you to stop taking about yourself as it’s driving me crazy. And I’ve noticed that people ask how are you etc all the time and yet they don’t really want to know so asking those questions, in my opinion, isn’t the best way to show somebody that you love and care for them, although I’m sure my son would disagree! 

Couldn’t you send them a lovely card with some nice words telling them you love, care and appreciate them, then you won’t have to bother asking them how they are when you see them? You could also add that you are partly doing this as you have recently become aware that you rarely if ever, ask them how they are and you didn’t want them to think it was a sign that you didn’t care, because it’s not, it’s simply part of who you are. 

I need to learn to be stricter with myself. I set out with good intentions to do these things and then persuade myself they can wait till later. And then it ends up being a lot later.

That's what I was like and then I discovered, if I make little rules, I get things done. For example, I have made a little rule that I can't cook or prepare food, before I have washed any pots that are already there. Trying to have schedules or sticking to lists etc never helped, the lists in  and  of themselves help in that I just seem to feel better when I do them but it's the little rules that are helping me. And it doesn't mean I have to stick to them, if I can't or don't want to for any reason, that's perfectly ok and  is a triumph in itself,  being able to have a rule and not follow it and not give myself a hard time for not following it. So I'm just taking things slowly and it's a matter of trial and error but so far, the little kitchen rule is working really well. I got over ambitious recently, creating a few too many rules, and wore myself out very quickly, which was another nice reminder to take things slowly.

That's what I was like and then I discovered, if I make little rules, I get things done. For example, I have made a little rule that I can't cook or prepare food, before I have washed any pots that are already there. Trying to have schedules or sticking to lists etc never helped, the lists in  and  of themselves help in that I just seem to feel better when I do them but it's the little rules that are helping me. And it doesn't mean I have to stick to them, if I can't or don't want to for any reason, that's perfectly ok and  is a triumph in itself,  being able to have a rule and not follow it and not give myself a hard time for not following it. So I'm just taking things slowly and it's a matter of trial and error but so far, the little kitchen rule is working really well. I got over ambitious recently, creating a few too many rules, and wore myself out very quickly, which was another nice reminder to take things slowly.

I need to learn to be stricter with myself. I set out with good intentions to do these things and then persuade myself they can wait till later. And then it ends up being a lot later.