Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you ever feel guilty because of your behaviour due to your autism? I'm not really thinking extreme behaviour, more the little things.
I'm asking this because the other day I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I spent the whole time I saw them waffling on about myself and things I wanted to talk about. Afterwards I realised that it hadn't occurred to me to ask them how they were or what they'd been doing. I felt a bit bad when I realised this. I don't want them to think I don't care. I feel quite selfish when this happens but its not because I don't care about them and their lives. It just never occurred to me to ask and I find conversations about other people hard to keep going.
Do other people have situations like this and then feel guilty?
I used to but I gave it up. Feeling guilty is destructive. I do the exact same thing you do with your parents, but the way I deal with it now, is that this is simply who I am, I accept myself and others either will or won’t and I reckon by now, my parents have a good idea about what I’m like and they’re still talking to me so I guess they accept me as well.
If you really wanted to change it, you could. For example, by preparing before you go. Write out the questions you would like to ask, such as how are you, and simply be prepared to feel uncomfortable for the short period of time while you’re talking about them ~ with practice this will get easier. Then when that’s done, you can get right back into the business of being you and you can talk away with no guilt, about all the things you’re interested in.
I think part of what threw me with this is I actually noticed. So in some ways now I'm looking at that really positively and thinking wow I actually noticed a social error without anyone pointing it out.
But in other ways I do care about my parents and I don't want them to think otherwise.
I think part of the problem was because I hadn't seen them for a while I'd stored up lots I wanted to say. I sort of forgot they also have lives that carry on when I don't see them.
Planning it more is a good idea.