Negative Body Image and Autism

Thanks for your feedback all its nice to know I'm not the only one. I don't really help myself either because most of the time I don't wear makeup, it makes my eyes sore and like others have said, I live in joggers.

I love looking in the mirror and I have always seen my body as a kind of machine, I suppose. I don’t care what it looks like but if it works, for example, if I can walk and use my hands etc, then I couldn’t be happier with my body. And when I look in the mirror, I see the most beautiful soul looking back at me, and if I don’t, I know I’m in ego and depending what I think about what I look like, I can tell what kind of egoic thoughts I’m having. 

However, I think I do still have some level or body dismorphia. When I’m skinny, I think I’m fat and when I’m fat, I think I’m skinny. Not that it matters, in terms of, I don’t care if I’m skinny or fat, I just find it weird and fascinating that I have this different perception. 

I’m often bordering on anorexia, however, I never want to be anorexic so when I’m getting that way, like now, I make sure I eat, eat and eat and I don’t care what it is, I just know I have to fill my body with food, no matter how bad it makes me feel because from a lifetime of not liking to eat, I know how difficult it is for me to start eating again after a period of not eating or under eating. It’s a weird relationship I have with my body and food but overall I think I have a positive body image due to how I think about the body and despite what some people think, I think I have a good grip on eating because I’ve never been anorexic and that’s due to me making sure I don’t go that far. 

I haven’t read the article yet, but I will. 

Well done @Kitsun for getting your daughter through the worst of it. One of my nieces is anorexic and spent a year out of school at a treatment centre. I’m convinced she’s autistic, she ticks all the boxes but nobody will listen to me and as such, I don’t think she’s getting the right treatment as they’re treating anorexia but not addressing the autism. She’s eating now but still heavily self harming so she can’t be left alone still, not for a minute. Well done, you’re an amazing mummy X

It *is* kind of interesting, I had acne well into my 20s, I've been overweight, I'm now 60-odd and saggy etc. I used to walk around naked perfectly happily when I was young, don't think I'd do that now but I seem to remain fairly oblivious to my externality most of the time with the occasional bout of sensitivity when everyone stares as you walk to get into the swimming pool etc. I think you're right, it is just one of those random extremes AS people go in for.

I don't think I'm particularly dysmorphic, think I'm more inclined to ignore my appearance and be oblivious. I put on a lot of weight for a few years when I gave up smoking and didn't like that - but as soon as I'm not actually looking in a mirror I forget all about it even then - and I always tend to think I look fine - even if I'm 4 stone overweight and look like a sack of potatoes in reality. Eventually I lost the weight whilst I was ill which was handy as I suspect there's no chance I'd ever diet successfully. When I was young, I couldn't relate my mirror image to myself at all - it seemed entirely like a third party - I probably still feel like that. I have very little sense of having any exterior at all. I dress to mirror my surroundings usually, people complain that I 'change' all the time - actually I'm really stable in my self-presentation, what they mean is that my clothes will reflect my current job or, when I was younger, some social identity I was 'trying on for size' before getting bored/disillusioned and moving on. Or just what was on special offer last time I needed clothes. I tend to buy 6 identical or near identical garments at the same time. I only wear black, grey, or blue clothes so I don't have to separate laundry or worry about what matches. Left to my own devices I like close-fitting stretchy stuff as I don't really like clothes at all and so like stuff that sort of models around my body and gives unnoticeably as I move as much as possible. My skin is really sensitive and I can't stand anything but smooth, breathable fibres near my skin. I can't stand anything loose that flaps about getting caught on door handles etc or jewellery I have to remember to take off for the shower or which clatters against keyboards. I've tried wearing both women's and men's clothing, I find each generally uncomfortable in its own way. My feet are too big for women's shoes so I generally wear men's shoes. The past few years, I wear stretchy knitted tunics with bamboo or cotton leggings in winter and loose-but-fitted cotton or silk tunics in summer with leggings. This is respectable enough for work but comfy enough for home so saves having to think about it ever. I break out into hiking kit if I'm hiking or camping. When I was young, I was thought to have a style, now I just want to be unnoticeable.

Hoodies are my favourite item of clothing. I like to wear my hood up. Even inside. I think it's like a comfort. I can hide under it too. I don't really like being seen out in public when I'm on my own (no idea why) and so I tend to go everywhere with my hood up. Definitely prefer winter for these reasons. But I am really sensitive to the cold so for that reason I hate winter. I wish I could hibernate.

Me too re the clothes. My usual attire is jeggings, a jumper and dark coloured trainers. I prefer the winter as it allows me to dress this way. In the summer it’s a t-shirt instead of a jumper. I do occasionally wear a dress in the summer if the mood takes me or if it’s so ridiculously hot that I can’t handle wearing anything more than a dress! I do sometimes like getting dressed up if I have somewhere nice to go in the evening. I don’t do shorts though. It’s not a body image thing, I just don’t feel comfortable having everything on show. I can’t get changed in front of people either, though someone really needs to send my daughter’s that memo (I am always getting burst in on when I’m trying to get dressed!). I had acne in my early teens too but I don’t think that’s the reason that I don’t like showing too much flesh, I just like to keep my body private.

No I don't dress up either. In fact dressing up is my worst nightmare. 

I don't like other people getting undressed around me. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.

Its weird because I never dress up and spend most of my life in jogger or jeans and a hoody. It changed when I was about 16 and the problems I had with my face really started to take off, I'm better than I was but still hate mirrors. I wasn't a spotty teen just a bit late with everything and it was noticed, like you bullying. Yea and still don't like getting undressed in front of anybody, No matter who it is doctor hubby mum....

I think these things often come as extremes with autism. There are those that really aren't bothered by their appearance at all. And there are people who are very susceptible to things like body dsymorphia.

I don't think I have any issues with body dysmorphia but I am extremely body conscious. I wear clothes that cover as much of my body as possible. If it's very hot and I resort to wearing shorts I am very self conscious about it. I will not change in front of people or anything like that and I won't go swimming as I don't like wearing swimming costumes.

I don't know whether I would always have been like this or whether it is a result of years of bullying. 

Puberty didn't help me as a child. I had quite bad acne on my chest and back which isn't a great look for a teenage girl. I don't know whether this was what triggered my extreme self consciousness.

Sorry about your daughter, I had/ have a few problems with my weight but nothing like that and more related to the occupation I had at the time.

My thing was at school I would never shower in front of the other kids, maybe because I was smaller in every way. Ironic really because now Im told I have a good figure, just don't feel like I do.

The main problem I have is facial dysmorphia, i wonder if its because as kids we are different and don't know why so somehow come to the conclusion it has to be something to do with the way we look?

Its getting worse for me now though with age and you start seeing wrinkles, I don't have many but its enough, I hate looking in the mirror as well.

I read the article. Personally I’ve never suffered from body dysmorphia and I can diet safely if I need to. I have always had  facial dysmorphia though and I can relate to what the article says about us processing faces as parts rather than as a whole. If I’m talking with someone I tend to notice every detail of their face from eye colour and nose shape through to wrinkles or freckles in specific places.

However, my eldest daughter who I’m sure also has ASD does have history of Anorexia and associated body dysmorphia so I have seen first hand how the autistic focus, obsessive thinking and fixation on ritual can be directed in a really negative way and harmful way. I then had to use my own autistic focus to pull her back out of the depths. Luckily I’m a lot more practiced at channeling that focus than she is! It was hard though and it’s left scars on my heart that will never fully heal. Once she started her treatment with the ED team, I had to have her on close obs (within eyesight) every waking hour. It was either that or they’d have sent her to an ED unit for a few months. My middle daughter was only a few months old at the time too so I was often to be found sitting on the bathroom floor observing my eldest while also breastfeeding a baby! It was intense and exhausting and emotionally very very testing but I just had to get her well again, there was no other option.