Negative Body Image and Autism

Anyone who hasn't seen the 'Greatest showman', or listened to the track, I've posted it on Kitsuns Easter thread. I'ts so beautiful and makes me think I need to just accept myself the way I look warts and all... Its a real feel good song, and the show is amazing!

Yeah

Im a woman who dons the hijab 

And theres this 'hijabista' like modern phenomena where shes like u know be like wearing tonnes of makeup ,supercurves showin all over the place ,shes probably stick -legs too in those tight jeans

And obviously i just cant live up to that look 

You know? 

Partly cuz well i dont look much (or say even close)  to that image-no matter how hard i try to

And partly, cuz that hijab phenomana doesnt realy go with our religion ,actually. Like muslims KNOW that yeah its beautiful so yeah IF we luckily got the looks yeah we take that. But religious wise - our religion doesnt really approve of that "extravagance" so ...

its as bad as super skinny models making u feel like so bad about the way you look 

Only

They have religion supposively

So its like

Damn ill never win.

So 

As a musllim woman in my hijab i feel like when i put it on like.. im a hag or like some nasty old fat woman who just doesnt know her style

And people point it out

So i just wanna know

Like 

I love me 

My religion

Feeling bad about me cuza them- aint about me and whats wrong with me

It about them

And not letting them hurt you cuz of you

Anyone agree with me,Sarah? 

I have often thought as to why I don't like looking in a mirror and why that person looking back seems remote and detached.

And I think it is a lot like the Picture of Dorian Gray.

I feel the same as I always have, inside that is.  I am still as young as I was when I was fifteen.  I want to do the same things.  I feel the same things.

Yet even though, inwardly I haven't aged (in my mind's eye that is) that image in the mirror is aging.  There are creases here and there, my hair has changed colour (from a rich 'orange' colour to a 'strawberry blond') and my body has changed shape.  But I myself have not changed a bit!  The change is all in the mirror, which should be hidden away in the attic.  And the brutal truth would then also be hidden from me and I could carry on being the person I always was, unhindered by age.

Thanks for your feedback all its nice to know I'm not the only one. I don't really help myself either because most of the time I don't wear makeup, it makes my eyes sore and like others have said, I live in joggers.

Sorry about your daughter, I had/ have a few problems with my weight but nothing like that and more related to the occupation I had at the time.

My thing was at school I would never shower in front of the other kids, maybe because I was smaller in every way. Ironic really because now Im told I have a good figure, just don't feel like I do.

The main problem I have is facial dysmorphia, i wonder if its because as kids we are different and don't know why so somehow come to the conclusion it has to be something to do with the way we look?

Its getting worse for me now though with age and you start seeing wrinkles, I don't have many but its enough, I hate looking in the mirror as well.

I read the article. Personally I’ve never suffered from body dysmorphia and I can diet safely if I need to. I have always had  facial dysmorphia though and I can relate to what the article says about us processing faces as parts rather than as a whole. If I’m talking with someone I tend to notice every detail of their face from eye colour and nose shape through to wrinkles or freckles in specific places.

However, my eldest daughter who I’m sure also has ASD does have history of Anorexia and associated body dysmorphia so I have seen first hand how the autistic focus, obsessive thinking and fixation on ritual can be directed in a really negative way and harmful way. I then had to use my own autistic focus to pull her back out of the depths. Luckily I’m a lot more practiced at channeling that focus than she is! It was hard though and it’s left scars on my heart that will never fully heal. Once she started her treatment with the ED team, I had to have her on close obs (within eyesight) every waking hour. It was either that or they’d have sent her to an ED unit for a few months. My middle daughter was only a few months old at the time too so I was often to be found sitting on the bathroom floor observing my eldest while also breastfeeding a baby! It was intense and exhausting and emotionally very very testing but I just had to get her well again, there was no other option.