Negative Body Image and Autism

I love looking in the mirror and I have always seen my body as a kind of machine, I suppose. I don’t care what it looks like but if it works, for example, if I can walk and use my hands etc, then I couldn’t be happier with my body. And when I look in the mirror, I see the most beautiful soul looking back at me, and if I don’t, I know I’m in ego and depending what I think about what I look like, I can tell what kind of egoic thoughts I’m having. 

However, I think I do still have some level or body dismorphia. When I’m skinny, I think I’m fat and when I’m fat, I think I’m skinny. Not that it matters, in terms of, I don’t care if I’m skinny or fat, I just find it weird and fascinating that I have this different perception. 

I’m often bordering on anorexia, however, I never want to be anorexic so when I’m getting that way, like now, I make sure I eat, eat and eat and I don’t care what it is, I just know I have to fill my body with food, no matter how bad it makes me feel because from a lifetime of not liking to eat, I know how difficult it is for me to start eating again after a period of not eating or under eating. It’s a weird relationship I have with my body and food but overall I think I have a positive body image due to how I think about the body and despite what some people think, I think I have a good grip on eating because I’ve never been anorexic and that’s due to me making sure I don’t go that far. 

I haven’t read the article yet, but I will. 

Well done @Kitsun for getting your daughter through the worst of it. One of my nieces is anorexic and spent a year out of school at a treatment centre. I’m convinced she’s autistic, she ticks all the boxes but nobody will listen to me and as such, I don’t think she’s getting the right treatment as they’re treating anorexia but not addressing the autism. She’s eating now but still heavily self harming so she can’t be left alone still, not for a minute. Well done, you’re an amazing mummy X

I love looking in the mirror and I have always seen my body as a kind of machine, I suppose. I don’t care what it looks like but if it works, for example, if I can walk and use my hands etc, then I couldn’t be happier with my body. And when I look in the mirror, I see the most beautiful soul looking back at me, and if I don’t, I know I’m in ego and depending what I think about what I look like, I can tell what kind of egoic thoughts I’m having. 

However, I think I do still have some level or body dismorphia. When I’m skinny, I think I’m fat and when I’m fat, I think I’m skinny. Not that it matters, in terms of, I don’t care if I’m skinny or fat, I just find it weird and fascinating that I have this different perception. 

I’m often bordering on anorexia, however, I never want to be anorexic so when I’m getting that way, like now, I make sure I eat, eat and eat and I don’t care what it is, I just know I have to fill my body with food, no matter how bad it makes me feel because from a lifetime of not liking to eat, I know how difficult it is for me to start eating again after a period of not eating or under eating. It’s a weird relationship I have with my body and food but overall I think I have a positive body image due to how I think about the body and despite what some people think, I think I have a good grip on eating because I’ve never been anorexic and that’s due to me making sure I don’t go that far. 

I haven’t read the article yet, but I will. 

Well done @Kitsun for getting your daughter through the worst of it. One of my nieces is anorexic and spent a year out of school at a treatment centre. I’m convinced she’s autistic, she ticks all the boxes but nobody will listen to me and as such, I don’t think she’s getting the right treatment as they’re treating anorexia but not addressing the autism. She’s eating now but still heavily self harming so she can’t be left alone still, not for a minute. Well done, you’re an amazing mummy X

Thank you BlueRay, I'm glad that you're eating more now. Self care doesn't stop us from suffering inside our heads, but at least that suffering isn't quite as difficult to deal with when there's not sleep deprivation; malnutrition and dehydration added to the mix. I'm sorry that I'm keeping this reply short but I'm not in the greatest head space myself today. Take care x