Published on 12, July, 2020
I sometimes find other people's perceptions of a situation absolutely baffling. And a recent situation is really bugging me because I really don't see how the other people's point of view made sense yet I was on my own with my point of view so evidently once again its me with the issue.
I'm quite protective of my possessions. They are very important to me. I guess this is an ASC thing. Because of this, I HATE lending people things. However, I found myself in a situation where a friend wanted to read a book I'd just read and asked if they could borrow it. I said they could even though I didn't really want to because I didn't want to appear like I was being awkward. She read the book and then said another friend who I also know had wanted to read it so she would pass it on to her. I was a bit uneasy about this but nothing I could do.
I let time go by for a bit and heard nothing about the book so asked the second friend if they'd read it yet. She said the first friend never gave it to her. I asked the first friend the next time I saw her. There was a group of us. She was very offhand and didn't seem to know whether she still had it or not. As the conversation went on, she quite bluntly said "Well did you want it back?" I said "Of course I did because it was mine." She seemed baffled by this. Someone else said "Well you're never going to read it again." And then another person said "If I leant someone a book, I'd just expect them to keep it."
My mind at this point was just repeatedly going "It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!" I couldn't even slightly understand their point of view at all. They didn't see why I had an issue with the situation. Am I the only one baffled by this situation? And does anyone else find themselves in these situations where there point of view is different but the other people's point of views make absolutely no sense?
And does anyone else find themselves in these situations where there point of view is different but the other people's point of views make absolutely no sense?
Well... I guess that's how the world is! A communist will never understand the thinking of a capitalist, and vice-versa. Likewise, a Christian with an atheist. It would be a pretty dull world, too, if everyone thought the same way. But I know what you mean. When I see injustices being carried out, and then people supporting it, it makes no sense.
I'm not good at arguing my corner on an issue if I'm with other people - even if it's something I know a bit about. I don't really have the courage to play through my convictions. Some people make their position very clear a lot of the time - like one chap I once worked with who took every opportunity to criticise anyone left-leaning in politics. I prefer not to get into those kinds of discussions if I can help it. Also, I've tended to end up in all sorts of knots when trying to explain a position and not doing it very well. Or I end up saying something I don't actually mean, then confusing myself. There's an art to it, and I don't have it. Even with the written word, which is my chosen form of communication. Misunderstandings about meaning can so easily happen. Often, it's because I simply haven't thought things through properly. In the week at work, one of the clients I was chatting to started leading off against the French - so I hastily changed the subject! Those are usually very difficult conversations to navigate without things becoming heated!
Ye I was thinking more the small every day sort of situations when I wrote that rather than bigger things like religion. It's not that I expect everyone to think the same but I do find a variety of beliefs etc fascinating as to how differently people can think. I find it really weird how often I seem to be the only one in a situation that sees things a certain way. In my diagnostic report my assessor wrote that I have significant difficulty mentalising (theory of mind) so I guess it's not surprising I find situations like this very difficult.
I'm with you now, yes. Like with the books. To me, it just makes sense that I would get something back if I lent in to someone. I'm baffled by the reaction of the people you mentioned.
Also, I like doing things a certain way - and if it works that way, then that's all that matters as far as I'm concerned. But I'll often hear things like 'Why are you doing it that way?' or 'What a strange way to do it' and be baffled. It's partly why I dislike being observed when I'm doing something. That's usually when I'll make stupid mistakes. If I'm left to my own devices, I'll get things right - just in my own way of doing them!
I get this every Christmas from my partners family, I can't drink due to medication (and have 3 kids to watch) but they simply can't understand no! They just push and push "one won't hurt" Well actually yes it could!
The other thing I find difficult with these situations is when I'm right really sure of something, it really takes me by suprise when people don't react how I expected them to. I'm not brilliant with unexpected so then I find it hard to process the situation and know what to do next.
Yes. We have a couple of staff members at work who are the kinds of people who seem to be very knowledgeable about a lot of things. Pick practically any subject and they know about it, and can argue their case on it. I find such people intimidating and quite hard to deal with. Self-esteem again.
Actually, though, the other day I did get one challenge right. Someone had made a 'St Patrick's Day' poster - but had left off the apostrophe. I mentioned it to one of the bright buttons, saying it was making me twitchy. He then came back at me saying that it was alright as it was, and the apostrophe would be incorrect. I then found myself saying 'No... it's essentially saying 'Day of St Patrick... day belonging to St Patrick. So it's in the genitive case, and needs an apostrophe.' He then just said 'Okay... fair enough' and went back to looking at his phone. Stupidly, I then found myself apologising for being pedantic!
My default position is that everyone knows more about everything than I do. I'm finding it difficult to move away from this thinking as if I'm ever challenged I back down. But I know I do this so I am trying to get better at standing my ground.
Exactly. And just the idea that I would spend an evening drinking something I can't stand because that's what other people do. That means nothing to me. I just can't understand it at all.
I know what you mean about bringing things up at work. Sometimes I do and sometimes I'm not brave enough. There are a couple of people at work I've found I can bring things up to when I'm not happy with something. Sometimes this is effective at getting things done, sometimes not so much but better than nothing.
I have found that people often don't like other people being right.