Isolated and suicidal

Work sending me harassing emails

Oh Blimey! That sounds rather dramatic! what sparked off the melt down?

They referred me to the safeguarding team in conway in line with what id imagine are their legal obligations. It ended with that though.  I have since had a major meltdown. Had the police helicopters and mountain rescue looking for me. 

Late last year I ended up with the crisis team in unbearable agony, wishing I didn't have to carry on. It can and DOES get better, it may feel like you're alone but thousands of people across the UK feel the way you do right now. There's charities like the Samaritans who would love to help you, there's all of us here too to chat to, keep pushing through, try and think of your own strength rather than let other peoples weaknesses get you down.

Hi, I just wondered how you are doing after last weekend? I see the NAS emailed you, did they offer any useful support? Hope all is as well as can be?

I wonder if we could chat as I feel we have a lot in common and I suspect we are both looking for a way of surviving and finding a new hope.

But standard NHS treatments are no use

Dear NAS50476,

Just wanted to let you know that we will be sending you a message to your email shortly regarding your post.

Kind regards,

Ayshe Mod

NAS50476 said:

Our government needs to take social care seriously.

I absolutely agree with you, mate.  I can't add anything to what other people have said.  I haven't been through some of the things you have, but I've been in that same situation.  Constant suicide ideation.

I've been close a couple of times, when things were very bad.  All I can say now is.... I'm glad I pulled through.  I keep this thing going in my head: I can't know if it can get better if I don't give it the chance to.

Hang in there.  Keep talking.  If no one else can help you through this, we can.

Tom

It’s good that you’re talking with your GP. If he knows how bad you are actually feeling he ought really to do a bit more than just give you leaflets.

This is a massive reason why the rate of suicide is actually higher in men than women, because men don’t ask for help as readily as women, because they see it as weak. But there’s nothing weak about asking for help when you need it. In fact I’d say that it takes a lot of strength and guts to admit that you are having difficulties and to ask for help.

Do chat with people on here more. If it helps then that’s got to be a good thing.

Yes the government does need to take social care more seriously 

Im talking to my GP as im off work sick. Its the same old leaflets and helplines tho. Much the same as what id expect from NAS after speaking to them last time. I dont like talking about suicide because it makes me feel as though i am weak.  Its a conversation i need to be having more often though as it is starting to dominate my thoughts.

Our government needs to take social care seriously.

Thank you for the reassurance that you’re not going to kill yourself tonight. I do feel though that you need to have a support plan put in place to stop you getting to the point. Maybe phone the NAS tomorrow or make a GP appointment? I don’t think that it’s a logical step for you to kill your self but you feel it is logical as that’s how depressed you feel right now. Depression is a horrible illness but you can recover from it.

I’m glad you’ve found it helpful talking to people on here. Sometimes it helps just to have someone to sound off to, someone to listen to you.

Its a horrible thing. 

That gutted feeling you get when you first wake up is exactly what I get when I’m depressed 

Im not going to kill myself tonight so dont worry. I just feel im progressively getting closer to the day that i do.  I have yet to decide how i would actually do it. It is becoming a feasible reality though. A logical step. It makes sense to me.

What happens when the day comes? It is unlikely I'd phone a crisis team tbh because I'd likely be convinced of my actions and wouldn't want to be stopped.

I know im being self defeating and i appreciate the supportive words from everyone. In truth speaking on here has probably helped a little.  I dont speak often to anyone about this stuff any more as ive been through it a million times to the point where people are sick of hearing it.

You could phone your local crisis team tonight as they operate 24/7. They would do an initial telephone assessment and depending on the outcome of that assessment they would either visit you themselves within a few hours or signpost you to the appropriate services. I just feel that you need to see some hope and a way forward. You would need to be totally honest with them about how bad you are feeling, you could even read from your posts on this thread.

Friends should be there for you in times of crisis. Sadly though a lot of people are not very good at dealing with crisis. I still remember actually, after my RTA my psychiatrist told me to just take it easy and spend time with my friends, I thought to myself ‘but I don’t have hardly any friends’. It was a good idea in theory but not in practice! Sometimes when things get really bad we need the help of professionals, it’s simply too much for most untrained people to deal with.

I know it’s natural when you’re gripped by depression to only see the bad side of things but maybe try to look for people that do give you time and try to help. Even if it’s only 1 person, like your mum maybe, then it’s better than none. It’s someone who can be bothered to try to help you and it’s a starting point to build towards having more people that care about you

Whats weird is i like being asleep. I have relatively normal dreams and im gutted when i wake up each morning

Im tired of this dark place....been here to often and its exhausting

NAS50476 said:

I'm not going to enter a competition on who has had it worst.

I'm not trying to out-do you - I'm trying to indicate that that I understand where you are now is a dark place - but you never know what the future might bring.

Ive heard repeated references to crisis teams and the kind of support they give.  I honestly beleive that kind of thing would be helpful to me as i do go into crisis almost and its at these points i worry about what i may do.  To be absolutely honest tho, in these situations its your friends that are suppose to step up.  This is why i now have none as i now dont beleive they were truly my friends....more associates.

Maybe i could turn a corner with this but i honestly dont think its going to happen without a genuine 'leg up' or 'boost' in my life. Counselling, medication, leaflets, websites or helplines cant do this. Life needs to show me that silver lining. Human nature needs to show me its better side.  Ive come through the storm but my ship is wrecked and adrift.  Its hull is leaking and im a million miles from land 

Oh my goodness how awful! That’s so bad of them to behave like that, no excuse really! I can’t believe your work thought you were making it up. You couldn’t really make up something like that! It all sounds like a living horror story!

Its a shame that the NAS didn’t offer you any help, perhaps they didn’t fully understand the gravity of what you are having to deal with. I feel that it may be worth talking to the NAS/local crisis team/GP again and be completely honest with them about how you are feeling as you have been on here. If you struggle to express how you feel then maybe write it all down on paper first  then you can read from that?