Scared

Thanks.  Yes, I've done some agency in the past, but wouldn't do it again.  The interview on Friday is at a place I worked 3 years ago.  i always liked it there.  Taken all in, it was probably one of the happiest work experiences I'd had for many years.  I know that if I can get back there, I can feel properly settled - and I'll probably stay there until I retire.  The people are nice, the working conditions are good... and it's just under two miles from where I live.  Ten minutes by bike, twenty on foot.  No traveling costs.  No need for a car.  Free meals.  Okay, it's back to full-time, and I won't get the College's long holidays.  But on balance, I'll opt for something known, familiar and liked.

Hi Tom,

I assume you already know this and wouldn't want to teach you to suck eggs (for those of us taking things literally, please don't go egg sucking!)

My OH works with autism and has done the "working for companies" thing and hated it. So she left and joined a couple of agencies - she was sent to some horrible places, but one place she really fitted into and they felt the same, so she is in the process of leaving the agency to go there full time. She has to complete 400hrs with the agency first, but they are all at the place she likes so it's no hassle.

Is that something you could do? It's a good way to find somewhere everyone is happy!

Already done that with the job I'm being interviewed for on Friday.  It might not look good - basically, 2 weeks in role - but I had to be honest about it.  They'll doubtless ask me about it at interview, and I'll just say I made a mistake.  It was the wrong move.  Full stop.  We all do make those mistakes, and I hope they'll understand that.  As I said, they were keen to interview me because they know my work, and that I'm good at it.  They were fair to me before by letting me take extended leave to care for my mother - and they said at the time that part of the reason they wanted me back was because I had taken on her care role.  She outlived expectations, though - a further seven months instead of what, considering her condition, should have been weeks.  Because of that, they couldn't hold my job open.  But they said they were sorry to lose me and would welcome any application I wanted to make in future.  I think that'll maybe override any uncertainty that my current very short-term job throws up.

You also don't need to mention it on your CV. No need for future employers to start asking questions :)

I've never been fired from a job and don't want to start now.  I'd sooner resign and move on.  My work coach said that, in the circumstances, it wouldn't affect my UC claim.

I've always advised 'never resign', too.  But I hate the limbo.  I don't know when I'm going to feel ready to go back.  Or maybe I should just go back next week and try to soldier on.  I think a big part of what happened last week was the need to assimilate all the information I was bombarded with on top of coming from a position where I hadn't completely recovered from the experience in my last job.  Last Tuesday, I got home and my head simply froze.  I couldn't deal with it all.  Having some time to let thngs settle into place has helped.  Having said that, though, they will not want me to return if it simply means going sick again.  I can't mess them around like that.  

I've got to check with my line manager whether I can do the GCSE under my own steam, or whether I need to do it as an evening class at the College.  Also, I need to check with her about the NVQ.  I rang her earlier and left a message.

The online courses are timed.  Many of them are three hours.  I think there's a cumulative total of 60 hours of online courses to do.  They cover a lot more ground than I was used to in care.  A lot of it seems superfluous, too, when you consider the student group I'm working with.  They are a special group.  Not really students, as such.  It's much more about daily care and sensory activities - like I was used to doing in the Day Centre I'm being interviewed for on Friday.

There is no getting around the qualifications.  I said that my degree should be enough, but she said that it's College policy to insist on having evidence of the certificates.  If you've lost all of your certificates and can't remember the examining body so that you can approach them again, you need to take the qualifications again.  I've said in the past with jobs that I have maths and English, and no one has ever bothered to check.  Here, though, proof is a statutory requirement.

Martian Tom said:

in spite of having a degree, I'd need to get the maths GCSE if I can't prove that I have any maths qualifications.

Do you have any maths qualifications?

I'm in a similar position with my English.  I never passed my English language O level.

I get round it by :

1. Straight faced lie.  I passed it 40 years ago. Can't find the certificate.
2. State that my degree and post graduate degree dissertation required good standard of English as proof that my English is adequate.
3. Some employers give maths and English tests as part of the recruitment process.  I pass with flying colours.   ( But fail the health and mental stability tests).

Never resign.  I made that mistake in the past.

If they fire you, then there's always a claim for unfair or constructive dismissal, if you have the stamina to go through the process.

My advice is do the online courses.  And the GCSE maths and see how the whole process goes.

I suspect some of the online courses could be short, very short.  Some of my initial induction training in my last job was just a box ticking exercise.  First safety and fire escapes.  20 seconds. There is the fire escape. Meet on grass on opposite side of road.  Box ticked.

Rang HR at the College this morning.  Quite a nerve-racking exchange.  They seem a bit vague on things.  Impatient-sounding.  The woman said that in spite of having a degree, I'd need to get the maths GCSE if I can't prove that I have any maths qualifications.  She said 'within a reasonable timeframe' means 'as soon as you can'.  On the NVQ, she said 'I'd assume you'd need to start that straight away.'  On a couple of other questions about salary, her answers were 'I'd assume...'

Why could they not have made any of this clear to me before?  Isn't it good policy to inform people, before getting their acceptance of a role, exactly what they will be expected to do?  The offer letter I got from them simply says:

The offer is naturally subject to our standard contract of employment.  It is also subject to successful completion of the pre-employment checks and reference requirements.

I think they should have been more specific.  And they should be less vague now.

I'm sick of this.  Perhaps I should just resign and be done with it.

Many students have problems with maths. 

So the grade boundaries are ridiculously low.

On the new  syllabus with the 9 to 1 grades.  I was recently told by a maths tutor that last year's boundaries were ( I'm quoting this from memory). 21% for a grade 4.  33% for a grade 5.  When taking the higher paper.

These are considered to be the 'pass' grades 

Not so much that, Robert, as being hit with a lot of stuff at once - a fair bit of it unexpected.  Some prior knowledge that I would need to take these qualifications would have been useful - say, at offer stage.  You don't expect to be told it all in your contract.  It was never made clear.  Couple that with the fact that I was quite back to full recovery (I thought I was, but everything hit me like a train).  It's taken me a few days to actually begin to take it all in and rationalise it a bit more.  I'll speak to HR again on Monday and see what they have to say.

I suppose they're at least being upfront and thorough about the training, unlike the experience you had.

Robert124 said:

GCSE maths should be a walk in the park for any adult.

Really?  I'm sure I'll manage it.  But I think that's a pretty broad assessment.  I've looked at elements of GCSE Maths before and found it pretty challenging - not having much of a mathematical brain.

You seem to be very concerned about the training.  Why?  What's the worse that can happen?  Will they fire you if you don't complete it successfully?

The GCSE maths should be a walk in the park for any adult.  And the rest, just take it a day at a time.

I'm feeling quite bleak at the moment.  As low as I've felt for ages.  I suppose it's quite natural, given the circumstances.

My head is just chaos.  I've tried to slow it with meditation, but nothing works.  Sleep works - when it comes.  But I'm having some vivid dreams, mostly connected in some way to mum and dad.

I really don't know what I want.  Part of me wants to just pull myself together and face up to this job, ask for reasonable adjustments, ask for time to complete the training they want me to do, ask if I can do it under my own steam.  One of the other workers on my section said that I could always apply for part-time, too, so maybe I could also look at reducing my days eventually (which would mean some kind of benefit top-up).  Or go with this other job if I get offered it: local, familiar, known territory.

And another part of me is asking if I'm really ready for any of this just now.  I feel like shutting down and hiding.  Closing out the world.  Hibernating.  I find myself craving sleep all the time, just for that temporary absence from it all.  Do I really want to be taking all this on at my age?

I'd just like something simple.  A job I can go to, do my job, finish and go home.  Like I had before it all went wrong.  I don't want the complications.  I do want to be able to work for a living, and be independent.  But I need it to be on my terms.

Doesn't everyone want that, though...

The interview at the Job Centre went okay.  My job coach is really nice and very understanding.  She said that as far as she's concerned, given my history and circumstances, I wouldn't be penalised if I was to resign from the College - but she agreed that, as they're offering to keep the job open until I'm ready, then it would be a good idea to go along with that plan.  I said that I wasn't sure how long I would need, and will be seeing my doctor next week.  I certainly want to keep the option open.  If I'm called in to an OH appointment, I will see what they can suggest in terms of some reasonable adjustments for me.  At the least, I would like to have more time to focus on the essential training.  I can't handle having to do so much in a short space of time, and I wasn't aware that I would have to do these things anyway.  When I was offered the job, I was only told it was subject to satisfactory references and a DBS.  Nothing was said about needing to take qualifications.  In the application, it only said 'don't let lack of qualifications deter you from applying if you have the requisite experience.'  At interview, too, I was only told that I would be given the opportunity to study for further qualifications - as if it was something I could do if I so chose.  Having said all that, and as the job coach acknowledged, they do sound like they're prepared to be supportive.

I rang HR, anyway, to tell them of my decision.  I left a message as she wasn't there.  Waiting to hear back.

I've just taken a look at my contract, which I got today to sign.  They want me to sign up for courses in Maths GCSE (don't have one) and an NVQ in Support straight away and complete them in reasonable time (whatever that is), on top of the other online mandatory training I have to do.  On top of what I saw and felt today, I just feel everything caving in right now.  I'm not sure, healthwise, I'm really up to this.  I think I went in too quickly after what happened before. 

In the Health section of my contract, it says the offer is 'conditional upon your express confirmation that you are fit to perform your duties and that you do not suffer from any medical condition that would place you or any colleague or customer in any danger in terms of health or safety.'

and

'If there is anything you are uncertain about in relation to your health, you should raise the matter with HR before accepting this appointment.'

and

'The offer is subject to there being no medical impediment to your undertaking the duties of this post.'

I don't know what to do.  My line manager is a really nice person.  She interviewed me and is really friendly and approachable.  I'm sure she will understand.  I think I should talk to her tomorrow.  I just don't know what the answer is on my health.  I just don't know.  I don't want anything to happen, and I go sick, and they then say that I didn't tell them anything.

I think I need to mention my circumstances in the past few months.

I'm really panicking now.

Thanks, Robert.  Sorry to hear that.  Or maybe it's for the best.

Today was certainly not such a good day.  It got off to a bad start because I couldn't find a space close to the college to park, so had a longer walk.  I got in on time, but just, and I prefer to have some time before getting into things.  That's really down to the unpredictable nature of the parking, though.

The morning was a continuation of the induction training, so that wasn't too bad.  In the afternoon, though, I was put in my department.  It's actually one quite small classroom - not much more, I'd say, than about 12 feet by 30 feet.  I was told 'You'll be spending all day in here' (apparently, there aren't really any outings).  There was a radio playing for the students - a commercial pop station.  The other support staff I'll be working with are mainly very young women.  I'm almost old enough to be their grandfather.  So there was a bit of a sense of a generation division.  There was only one older woman.  She was probably around my age, or a bit younger. But she didn't seem very friendly.  I tried to engage her in conversation about her background, but she didn't seem that interested.  She seemed, if anything, to be more in with the female staff.  The main tutor for the group came in a bit later, and I picked up a very definite tension between him and some of the staff.  One of them in particular was quite sharp with him over something, and they had a few words to say to one another that were definitely sarcastic in tone.  When he went out again, they all went into gossip mode about him.  I focused on trying to engage with the service users instead, but they're naturally shy and wary at the moment.  I was given some care plans to read, but it was a waste of time trying to take any of it in with all the noise.  I asked a few questions.  I heard a lot of 'That's what they tell you, but the reality is quite different' type comments about the way things work.  A definite sense of underlying tensions.  It'll obviously take time to settle in, but compared to other jobs I've had I didn't come away from today feeling very positive - like 'I can make something of this.'  In fact, I was glad to get out.

Then I had a long, wet trek back to the car... and it took an age to get home with the traffic.  Although I leave earlier than in my last job, I got home around the same time.  It was a long, tiring day.  And my mood is low.

I'll just have to see how the rest of the week goes.  After this week, it's two more until half-term.  I think, somehow, they'll be long weeks.

I hope your second day goes ok.

I was up front about my Autistic traits at my latest interview last Monday.

And...  I haven't heard a word from them.

Beautiful pic x

I’m really glad that your first day went well. Really petty re the tutors kettle though, get them!!

Im pleased it went well for you. Good luck for tomorrow