Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a female with autism. Something that I have felt most of my life is that I feel more masculine than feminine in my inner self however outwardly I definitely look feminine such as makeup and I do my hair etc but inwardly I feel and see myself as more of a male. Has anyone experienced this?
I'm definitely not very feminine. Inside or out. I'm not sure I'd say I feel particularly masculine either though. I don't think about gender too much like that. I'm female and I wouldn't identify any other way. My way of being is more to do with comfort and interests.
Binary i think you are right in some respects there. I too dont feel particularly masculine either. I think my identity comes from just being me. I think being fenale and being feminine are different things.
NAS50499 so you are saying how you dress and your style is more of a practical and comfort thing rather than fashion?
Does anyone on this thread do anything to attract the opposite (or same?) sex by appearance? My friends used to take the mickey out of me a bit in my younger years by how i dressed on a night out. Quite plain by their standards. But i was firmly of the belief that someone would like me for who i was and the music i liked rather than wearing a low cut top. I thought i could attract boys by dressing a bit like liam gallagher. To show i too liked oasis. (Oh how i loved my parka and duffle coat) I was oblivious to the fact most of the boys just wanted a pretty girl and was puzzled when theyd pick thr pretty blonde one in our group.
I know this is more naiveity than a female thing but I dont think i noticed the male gaze till i was about 24.
I only dress for comfort not for fashion. I am very sensitive to the feel of fabrics so the clothes I wear have to feel a certain way. I don't follow fashion as it changes far too quickly and is not comfortable.
I don't really do night life anymore because I can't cope with the loud music.
Did anyone struggle with puberty? I found it really distressing and confusing.
I’m not a woman, and don’t expect to be. I’m not quite sure what age I’d put myself at, but it’s not a woman. If anything, I’m closer to a teenage boy, although I’m gladly coming out of that stage.
I’m definitely growing up, to a certain degree, in certain ways, but I’ll always retain my childlike wonder, and awe at the world, no matter what I become.
I chop and change. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I’ll wash my hair (usually only once or twice a year), get a shower, put make up on and some beautiful clothes. I am, however you find me, and that changes, as I change and depending on how I’m feeling, etc.
I don't have a yearning for kids although I did always want them when I was growing up. Now I know they would interfere with my life too much. I'd find it really stressful. I need me time. I'm not on the pill. I don't like periods but I don't like the idea of stopping them either. Can't explain that one.
Thats interesting! I know growing up, teenage girls cant wait to transform into women. Maybe i was just a late developer.
I wonder if AS is the reason i dont have this yearning for kids. Altho regular women ive talked to said theyve not felt it either but still had kids. Its interesting on here many say theyre on the pill. Im not. To me thats quite a "female" thing. I dont want to take it cos i feel itd change my body. Periods dont bother me.
Interesting you say about not being comfortable with the label woman. During my diagnosis the assessor asked if I already saw myself as an autistic woman. I said yes but I didn't feel comfortable with that statement. I was fine with the autistic bit but not the woman bit. I do think this is to do with being an adult rather than my gender. Perhaps as you say I was never ok with the change from girl to woman.