Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a female with autism. Something that I have felt most of my life is that I feel more masculine than feminine in my inner self however outwardly I definitely look feminine such as makeup and I do my hair etc but inwardly I feel and see myself as more of a male. Has anyone experienced this?
It's more common for autistic people not to fit in with gender expectations. Some are transgender (if you feel like a man, maybe you actually are a man with an unconventional body), some are non-binary (not feeling either male or female). Others are content with their assigned gender, but not concerned with fitting in with the attached stereotypes. All valid ways to be.
Indeed but I think better to talk about one's own experience rather than explaining women to themselves in a thread like this? There are many issues specific for AS women which don't disappear under the convenient label of 'trans' or the general gender diversity of AS people. I do have trans friends who are on the spectrum but I'm dubious that most AS women who are confused by stereotypes are 'really' men in a female body (if indeed anyone clearly manifests such a simplistic dualistic ghost in the machine). I also think it's ridiculous to characterise AS women's brain as 'masculine' just because we're inconvenient to binary fantasies of gender. Maybe we're just immune from the social forces that suppress and narrow NT women's capacity. Or to put it less partially, what if AS people are less able to respond coherently to social pressure to conform to binary gender stereotypes rather than being in the 'wrong body'? We should celebrate our gender and sexual diversity, support our trans community - but not fall into characterising all women who are logical and independent as ersatz men?
Absolutely right, and I apologise to all concerned if it came over as mansplaining. I want to open up the possibilities for the OP to consider, not close anything off, and I certainly don't see "logical and independent" as particularly manly qualities.
It's my experience that autistic people aren't as bound by gender expectations, as you say; that can be a source of confusion and misery, feeling that we aren't valid men or women. But accepting yourself as you are is very liberating. It took years for me to let go of the idea that I should chase masculine ideals, and I can see now that that idea limited me and made me a worse person.
Ha, it used to drive me crazy when I was younger and people told me how much nicer I'd look in a dress with long hair. Actually, I look awful in a dress - I mean really, I move all wrong for them and it looks dissonant. You wonder which reality they inhabit. I've just put it down to my general poor executive funciton but now you mention it it takes me ages to distinguish the toilets from symbols only. When I was young, people were always trying to throw me out of the women's toilets - once, someone tried to chuck me out of a women's changing room at a swimming pool when I was naked to the waist! Nitwits. I did purposely dress as a man for a while thinking I might achieve consistency with that gender if not with female gender since people kept telling me I 'think like a man' - but I was just as inconsistent. I've given up caring and just ignore the various complaints about my lack of consistency/mannishness.