Female with autism feels masculine rather than feminine

It's more common for autistic people not to fit in with gender expectations. Some are transgender (if you feel like a man, maybe you actually are a man with an unconventional body), some are non-binary (not feeling either male or female). Others are content with their assigned gender, but not concerned with fitting in with the attached stereotypes. All valid ways to be.

Indeed but I think better to talk about one's own experience rather than explaining women to themselves in a thread like this? There are many issues specific for AS women which don't disappear under the convenient label of 'trans' or the general gender diversity of AS people. I do have trans friends who are on the spectrum but I'm dubious that most AS women who are confused by stereotypes are 'really' men in a female body (if indeed anyone clearly manifests such a simplistic dualistic ghost in the machine). I also think it's ridiculous to characterise AS women's brain as 'masculine' just because we're inconvenient to binary fantasies of gender. Maybe we're just immune from the social forces that suppress and narrow NT women's capacity. Or to put it less partially, what if AS people are less able to respond coherently to social pressure to conform to binary gender stereotypes rather than being in the 'wrong body'? We should celebrate our gender and sexual diversity, support our trans community - but not fall into characterising all women who are logical and independent as ersatz men?

Absolutely right, and I apologise to all concerned if it came over as mansplaining. I want to open up the possibilities for the OP to consider, not close anything off, and I certainly don't see "logical and independent" as particularly manly qualities.

It's my experience that autistic people aren't as bound by gender expectations, as you say; that can be a source of confusion and misery, feeling that we aren't valid men or women. But accepting yourself as you are is very liberating. It took years for me to let go of the idea that I should chase masculine ideals, and I can see now that that idea limited me and made me a worse person.

Ha, it used to drive me crazy when I was younger and people told me how much nicer I'd look in a dress with long hair. Actually, I look awful in a dress - I mean really, I move all wrong for them and it looks dissonant. You wonder which reality they inhabit. I've just put it down to my general poor executive funciton but now you mention it it takes me ages to distinguish the toilets from symbols only. When I was young, people were always trying to throw me out of the women's toilets - once, someone tried to chuck me out of a women's changing room at a swimming pool when I was naked to the waist! Nitwits. I did purposely dress as a man for a while thinking I might achieve consistency with that gender if not with female gender since people kept telling me I 'think like a man' - but I was just as inconsistent. I've given up caring and just ignore the various complaints about my lack of consistency/mannishness.

This is me - I used to stand there staring for a few seconds to work it out but now I go up and touch it, which sends my mind off on a reel though because rarely are the signs in Braille!!! I’ve thought for a long time about learning to read in Braille. I prefer to touch words than read them with my eyes and it surprises me how little Braille there is on public notices etc. I think it’s time we moved towards lots of different forms of communication to be available for all. For example, most of the time I would prefer to use sign language or Braille. I’ll start with sign language first though, I think and in the meantime, I’ll continue to try to keep out of the men’s toilets! ;) 

I struggle to recognise toilet signs if they are only pictures and not the words. I have been caught out a few times by accidentally walking into the men's! Lol 

Sorry I just wanted to add I don't "feel" feminine but I also don't "feel" masculine either. I'm just me. My family always ask when I'm going to get married, and not considering all the misogynistic history behind marriage for a second, I don't want to get married because I don't see myself as a bride or wife. I'm just me, I don't want to be a wife to my husband. We are equal partners. Now civil partnership I can understand and when that's allowed for heterosexual couples me and my partner have agreed to do that. But not marriage. We are partners, not husband and wife. 

Thank you extraneous. :) I've always been told "you're not a proper girl, are you?" because I wear men's clothes (although I wouldn't call this cross dressing, I don't have a desire to look like a man, I just prefer the quality and cut of men's clothes) I've always preferred "male" activities such as army cadets when growing up, or weight lifting now. But then I also know how to sew and cook. Why do things have to be viewed as "masculine" or "feminine"? Why can't I just be me and do what I want to do? And in answer I do do what I want to do but it's always met with questions, especially from family, like ''you'd look so much nicer in a dress, why are you trying not to be a girl?" Also, is anyone else confused by toilet signs if they have no words? As in, if it's just the male/female icons it takes me a few seconds to work out which one I'm supposed to use. Maybe that's just me being weird. 

Thank you extraneous. :) I've always been told "you're not a proper girl, are you?" because I wear men's clothes (although I wouldn't call this cross dressing, I don't have a desire to look like a man, I just prefer the quality and cut of men's clothes) I've always preferred "male" activities such as army cadets when growing up, or weight lifting now. But then I also know how to sew and cook. Why do things have to be viewed as "masculine" or "feminine"? Why can't I just be me and do what I want to do? And in answer I do do what I want to do but it's always met with questions, especially from family, like ''you'd look so much nicer in a dress, why are you trying not to be a girl?" Also, is anyone else confused by toilet signs if they have no words? As in, if it's just the male/female icons it takes me a few seconds to work out which one I'm supposed to use. Maybe that's just me being weird. 

Ha, it used to drive me crazy when I was younger and people told me how much nicer I'd look in a dress with long hair. Actually, I look awful in a dress - I mean really, I move all wrong for them and it looks dissonant. You wonder which reality they inhabit. I've just put it down to my general poor executive funciton but now you mention it it takes me ages to distinguish the toilets from symbols only. When I was young, people were always trying to throw me out of the women's toilets - once, someone tried to chuck me out of a women's changing room at a swimming pool when I was naked to the waist! Nitwits. I did purposely dress as a man for a while thinking I might achieve consistency with that gender if not with female gender since people kept telling me I 'think like a man' - but I was just as inconsistent. I've given up caring and just ignore the various complaints about my lack of consistency/mannishness.

This is me - I used to stand there staring for a few seconds to work it out but now I go up and touch it, which sends my mind off on a reel though because rarely are the signs in Braille!!! I’ve thought for a long time about learning to read in Braille. I prefer to touch words than read them with my eyes and it surprises me how little Braille there is on public notices etc. I think it’s time we moved towards lots of different forms of communication to be available for all. For example, most of the time I would prefer to use sign language or Braille. I’ll start with sign language first though, I think and in the meantime, I’ll continue to try to keep out of the men’s toilets! ;) 

I struggle to recognise toilet signs if they are only pictures and not the words. I have been caught out a few times by accidentally walking into the men's! Lol