Published on 12, July, 2020
Looking back over my childhood and considering various experiences within my wider family, I can trace not only what I believe to be the "path of autism" but also a fair amount of poverty, to varying degrees.
Now I'm not suggesting that there's a straightforward link between autism and poverty - certainly I can see many positives to my neurodivergent mind which have enabled me to make a fair living over the years - but the patterns do seem intertwined. I can see lots of issues with anxiety, depression and addiction too but increasingly I suspect these might be related to undiagnosed (and therefore unsupported) autism. The patterns seem to involve difficulties in the workplace (choosing and staying in jobs), education (especially higher education where independence and social factors seems to become increasingly important), accessing healthcare and applying for benefits (a stressful process in itself).
During my teenage years in particular, we went through a lot of poverty and our living conditions were quite poor, to the extent that we didn't dare invite people round and our social isolation became ever worse. Dad did what work he could, but was trapped in a low paying job and neither of my parents had much knowledge of the benefits system (I was quite shocked recently when my now elderly mother said that we probably could have claimed something to help).
And going back a generation, my grandmother's house was something of a disaster. No housework ever done, not much with which to do it, no repairs carried out, not much washing, a LOT of hoarding, alcohol consumption and gambling. It was like that with my uncles too, although they were very intelligent people and obviously quite talented in many ways.
Is this all necessarily to do with autism? Probably not. But I'm suspicious. Especially now that my sons are having major difficulties making their way in the world and a lot of our money seems to go on false starts in education and work. There's some good stuff in there too no doubt, but I'm worried.
Any thoughts?
Are we talking of just financial poverty here, or all flavours? I.e emotional, psychological self
Your question beat me to it.
Are we discussing just financial poverty or emotional/psychological as well?
For me the emotional damage is even worse than lack of money.
I went to normal local schools where we were all poor. But I was still treated badly, no friends, in the bottom classes.
At home, my father in particular made it very clear that I was an embarrassment to him and people mustn't find out that I even exist because it would affect his reputation and standing in the community.
Then as I got older things changed. But didn't get better. Just different.
At school I improved academically and when I was transferred to different classes. The new class didn't really accept me. And the old class shunned me totally.
Enough rambling for now.
I was thinking specifically about financial poverty in my original post but I also feel these can be strongly interlinked.
During my teenage years, for example, our poverty impinged on just about everything else. If, for example, you'd like to go on a school trip but there's no money for that, then you simply can't go. Likewise, any extracurricular activities or family times away from the home. Plus, if the home is in an atrocious state of filth and disrepair, you probably won't be inviting friends home either. And you'll be reluctant to accept others' invitations, knowing you can't return the hospitality. This all impacts on you psychologically, particularly if you're already finding it difficult to connect with others and make friends.
There was no shortage of love in my family home, so in a way many might compare and see me as having enjoyed great wealth. But I can remember feeling as a teenager that nobody should have to put up with this level of poverty and I wanted to involve social services (whilst not, of course, knowing how to go about this). It was a huge puzzle to me as well as a source of considerable distress - along the lines of, well, if I'm so loved why am I denied basic necessities and effectively excluded from most activities?
Now, as an adult, I can honestly say that my psychology has been deeply affected by this. I don't think of myself as poor, psychologically speaking. In fact I have a rich inner life. However, there are clear areas of damage that have had a long term effect.
As it stands, I find that when my finances are secure I feel buffered in the world, I can buy myself out of some difficult situations, my confidence levels increase and my general relationship with the world and other people is altered. It definitely has an impact on my sense of self.