Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
I too once thought I was a HSP (the Elaine Aron description you mention). I had looked into seeing a therapist many years ago and by chance the one I looked up specialised in this as she was HSP herself. I remember reading her blog saying how if she went out for a meal why, oh why, did it have to then turn into a pub crawl when she would have been happy just to go home after the meal? And that she needed time to chill out after the socialising. I would rather not even go out for the meal to start with :) As it was she wanted a 12 week commitment at £50 per week and I was out of work, yet again so I never pursued it but wonder whether I am barking up the wrong tree with looking for an ASD assessment. I don't have any diagnosis yet but parting words from my mother after an emotional row last year was "you have a problem". Yet, I can imagine if I was diagnosed with ASD ,she would poo poo it as nonsense. I don't suppose I'd bother telling anyone in my family.
I was diagnosed but haven't told anyone. In fact, I haven't really told anyone anything. And I might just leave it like that.
I find you've got so much explaining to do when you do say ASD, and ASD is so vague and wide-ranging.
I agree. I would only find it helpful when applying for jobs and perhaps mention it at the interview stage or even after once offered a job verbally. They couldn't then withdraw the verbally offer.
So sorry to hear this - take care Martian Tom
Hang on in there Martian Tom
Feeling like that again today.
I sympathize with you. I was told after being offered one NHS job that I was confident and outgoing at interview (totally not my real self) so they thought i would be ideal to be put in an office with a secretary who was difficult to say the least. Constantly on my back (I overheard the consultants complaining about her, saying she neded to just let me get on with my job but they didn't intervene). How I wish I hadn't put on an act at that interview, would have saved me a year of grief, working with someone who undermined me, left all the difficult phone calls for me, rearranged my desk on my days off, had the heating on full blast and basically made my life a misery.
My only NHS job, 20 years ago, was a nightmare. I'd been made redundant from my last job and was doing a part-time college course to learn computing. There, I met a chap whose wife was a medical secretary at the hospital. I met her once and she seemed nice. A vacancy arose in her department, and she put a word in for me. I was interviewed by her, and got the job. Great! Until I actually started working with her. It was just the two of us in a small office. And she was the most horrendous, foot-stamping, shouting bully. She accused me almost from day one of doing things wrong - even though I had to learn a lot of stuff very quickly. She accused me of taking things from her desk, even though she'd simply lost them. After a month of this, I snapped back. I asked her to speak to me more respectfully, etc. She simply laughed. So I went sick. I was off for almost three months and was in a terrible state. I was completely traumatised by it. I reported her, but they closed ranks around her because of her higher status and longer service. For ages afterwards, I was scared to even go near that hospital.
Could well be that things have changed. I haven't been in the work environment for about four years now, and used to live in Belgium for some years.
I hope it has changed, but for the jobs I applied for in the past, I wouldn't have been accepted had I said anything about ASD. I just bluffed my way through back then. (Teamplayer? Yeah, sure. - I only applied for solitary positions anyway.)
My last NHS job ended horribly. I was taken on to work between two bickering teams. I was always fearful of helping one team.more than the other. Eventually the teams were split into separate offices and no one could say what team I'd go with. Each team had a different boss who wanted different things. Despite being told by both teams that I had lightened up the office there was no sympathy when I eventually broke down with all the uncertainty..my boss told me to stop crying as I was 'making it worse for myself'. I signed myself off for a week, went back in for a day but no one spoke to me and I left never to rreturn.I was working for the NHS Psychology service. Says it all really.