Autistic or emotionally immature, struggle with my conscience

I too once thought I was a HSP (the Elaine Aron description you mention). I had looked into seeing a therapist many years ago and by chance the one I looked up specialised in this as she was HSP herself. I remember reading her blog saying how if she went out for a meal why, oh why, did it have to then turn into a pub crawl when she would have been happy just to go home after the meal? And that she needed time to chill out after the socialising. I would rather not even go out for the meal to start with :)  As it was she wanted a 12 week commitment at £50 per week and I was out of work, yet again so I never pursued it but wonder whether I am barking up the wrong tree with looking for an ASD assessment. I don't have any diagnosis yet but parting words from my mother after an emotional row last year was "you have a problem". Yet, I can imagine if I was diagnosed with ASD ,she would poo poo it as nonsense. I don't suppose I'd bother telling anyone in my family. 

I was diagnosed but haven't told anyone. In fact, I haven't really told anyone anything. And I might just leave it like that. 

I find you've got so much explaining to do when you do say ASD, and ASD is so vague and wide-ranging.

I agree. I would only find it helpful when applying for jobs and perhaps mention it at the interview stage or even after once offered a job verbally. They couldn't then withdraw the verbally offer. 

I agree. I would only find it helpful when applying for jobs and perhaps mention it at the interview stage or even after once offered a job verbally. They couldn't then withdraw the verbally offer. 

So sorry to hear this - take care Martian Tom

Hang on in there Martian Tom

Feeling like that again today. 

I sympathize with you. I was told after being offered one NHS job that I was confident and outgoing at interview (totally not my real self) so they thought i would be ideal to be put in an office with a secretary who was difficult to say the least. Constantly on my back (I overheard the consultants complaining about her, saying she neded to just let me get on with my job but they didn't intervene). How I wish I hadn't put on an act at that interview, would have saved me a year of grief,  working with someone who undermined me, left all the difficult phone calls for me, rearranged my desk on my days off, had the heating on full blast and basically made my life a misery. 

My only NHS job, 20 years ago, was a nightmare.  I'd been made redundant from my last job and was doing a part-time college course to learn computing.  There, I met a chap whose wife was a medical secretary at the hospital.  I met her once and she seemed nice.  A vacancy arose in her department, and she put a word in for me.  I was interviewed by her, and got the job.  Great!  Until I actually started working with her.  It was just the two of us in a small office.  And she was the most horrendous, foot-stamping, shouting bully.  She accused me almost from day one of doing things wrong - even though I had to learn a lot of stuff very quickly.  She accused me of taking things from her desk, even though she'd simply lost them.  After a month of this, I snapped back.  I asked her to speak to me more respectfully, etc.  She simply laughed.  So I went sick.  I was off for almost three months and was in a terrible state.  I was completely traumatised by it.  I reported her, but they closed ranks around her because of her higher status and longer service.  For ages afterwards, I was scared to even go near that hospital.

Could well be that things have changed. I haven't been in the work environment for about four years now, and used to live in Belgium for some years.

I hope it has changed, but for the jobs I applied for in the past, I wouldn't have been accepted had I said anything about ASD. I just bluffed my way through back then. (Teamplayer? Yeah, sure. - I only applied for solitary positions anyway.)

My last NHS job ended horribly. I was taken on to work between two bickering teams. I was always fearful of helping one team.more than the other. Eventually the teams were split into separate offices and no one could say what team I'd go with. Each team had a different boss who wanted different things. Despite being told by both teams that I had lightened up the office there was no sympathy when I eventually broke down with all the uncertainty..my boss told me to stop crying as I was 'making it worse for myself'. I signed myself off for a week, went back in for a day but no one spoke to me and I left never to rreturn.I was working for the NHS Psychology service. Says it all really. 

That's interesting.  Someone else on this forum lives in the Netherlands, and I thought they mentioned that things are more congenial out there.  Clearly that's not your experience.

I'm glad that at least some of us have and had posiive effects of mentioning their ASD. I feel they'd take someone else instantly. That is what this society is like anyway. I live in the Netherlands.

I've had 26 jobs in 40 years!  Looking back, I can see that the problems I had in many of them were connected to my then unknown condition.

Care work is stressful, but I've only ever done day service, with regular hours.  I couldn't do residential.

I worry about things like I'm currently experiencing - bullying by another colleague.  I didn't mind working in an open-plan office, but I don't like too much noise - and yes, a radio would drive me nuts.  That's one of the big drawbacks with my job.  Whenever we go out in a vehicle, the radio is always on - and usually to a dreadful local commercial station that plays mindless modern pop all day.  Many of the service users want it on - but mainly it's staff.  I never have a radio on or music playing if I'm driving alone.

I'm not good at multi-tasking, either.  And when an advert says 'Good team-player essential' I stay away.  Inevitably, most jobs require you to work in some sort of team, and I can co-operate with others.  But I much prefer to do my own thing.

I've been a medical secretary for years in various departments. It's always hit and miss whether the office will be open plan or have a radio on in the background (my pet hate). I have spent many weeks before starting a new job not worrying about whether I can do the job but worrying about the acoustics, where my desk would be, whether the chair would be comfy or have that awful itchy material . So I would be happy to mention or ask at interview what the office is like (if I get a diagnosis). I have had  dozen jobs is as many years. And it would be great to say that I don't multi task well or enjoy change that much, rather than pretending I'm the perfect employee. 

Here I'd only say something after I'd been taken on and had the three month trial period.

But I worked in support positions and call centers. And freelance editing. None of those are stress free and all have deadlines you need to stick to. My 'condition' is of extreme disadvantage in those jobs.

And yes, this implies none of them are suitable for someone like me

I've always mentioned it at the job interviews I've had since diagnosis, and it hasn't been a problem.  These have all been care work roles, though, so in some senses my 'insight' can be seen as a positive attribute.

There is another aspect to it, though.  If you don't mention it, you always run the risk of its being found out about at a later stage - and this could easily happen because of a problem at work that is connected to your condition.  Supposing some extra stress led to your having a meltdown - as it did for me at work a few weeks ago?  If that had happened and I hadn't told them about my condition, I could have been in all sorts of trouble.  As it is, I've managed to negotiate some reasonable adjustments.

It's a difficult one.  You don't want to prejudice your chances with a job (though some employers are actually enthusiastic about taking on Aspies, because they know about the many positives: honesty, attention to detail, wanting to get things right, etc).  They aren't allowed to discriminate - but, of course, we know that they do.

Personally, though, I would never feel comfortable about not disclosing my condition at a job interview.

I think I would never ever say anything about ASD at an interview. I think it could only work against me...