Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
I too once thought I was a HSP (the Elaine Aron description you mention). I had looked into seeing a therapist many years ago and by chance the one I looked up specialised in this as she was HSP herself. I remember reading her blog saying how if she went out for a meal why, oh why, did it have to then turn into a pub crawl when she would have been happy just to go home after the meal? And that she needed time to chill out after the socialising. I would rather not even go out for the meal to start with :) As it was she wanted a 12 week commitment at £50 per week and I was out of work, yet again so I never pursued it but wonder whether I am barking up the wrong tree with looking for an ASD assessment. I don't have any diagnosis yet but parting words from my mother after an emotional row last year was "you have a problem". Yet, I can imagine if I was diagnosed with ASD ,she would poo poo it as nonsense. I don't suppose I'd bother telling anyone in my family.
I was diagnosed but haven't told anyone. In fact, I haven't really told anyone anything. And I might just leave it like that.
I find you've got so much explaining to do when you do say ASD, and ASD is so vague and wide-ranging.
I agree. I would only find it helpful when applying for jobs and perhaps mention it at the interview stage or even after once offered a job verbally. They couldn't then withdraw the verbally offer.
So sorry to hear this - take care Martian Tom