Communication in difficult situations

I think Aesop's Fables can also be a good manual for life :) 

So the computer has also become reclusive! 

I like the idea that it “lives” . I hope you are too!

x

Thank you. And it's a good idea, to make a note. The study (where the computer lives) has been too hot to use lately; today is cool with high winds. Blessed relief.

Lol! - it might be worth making a note of the circumstances where you feel more conscious of it unless you have now become a complete social recluse! 

Good to see you back online btw 

Just generally I think Ellie, I can't pinpoint when this started but it must be many years ago.I don't know if it's a sort of safety mechanism - if I'm quoting someone else I'm fairly certain of saying something acceptable. Providing it's appropriate! I used to use a very elaborate, complex vocabulary (long/obscure words etc.) and syntax too but I don't do that so much now. I think even I realised it was a bit weird.

Hi Fuchsia

Is that done to your own performance anxiety when engaging with people? So, when you’re put on the spot by people you are less familiar with, or just generally? 

I have become aware that large chunks of my 'conversation' rely heavily on the use of 'figures of speech' - cliches, quotes, tags, analogies etc. I'm sure I do this much more than other people. Being aware of this is one of the reasons I avoid talking to people or feel very uncomfortable after doing so.

Ironically, it is me who mis-communicated this time. I realised my message above was taken out of context, and it would have only made sense in light of my previous posts in this thread. Sorry...

I don't know if there's a right way or a wrong way to communicate. Just like people speak different languages, people also have different communication styles. The fun part to me is learning how to speak someone's language. And, like learning any language, you can learn a communication style through feedback. That's my opinion :) 

However words are dressed it is that they are honest and from your true self that is key. Grand words, quotes and poems are flamboyance and window dressing but under those, there is a ME. 

There can be great gaps in time in between being given the opportunity to speak and be heard. To keep my mind busy I use that time to think of what it Is I want to say. This mental finger twirling whilst I’m waiting gives me time to associate what I want to say against other references such as books etc.

out if interest do you think it creates more of a barrier to communication, or a benefit? 

I use. Analogies a great deal. It helps me to explain what I mean. Often I lack ability to put general waffle into my explanation therefore by adding a storyline with pictures and variables not specific to the “fact” helps the listener to stay awake and become hooked into the storyline.  just giving facts can be very boring for whoever is listening.

Humour and fun are not my strongest attributes! I have so little,,,Heres a Lol...better?

Analogies are also my way of showing my thoughts especially when I cannot find grand words or poetic quotes to give the depth of my mind. I keep it real, basic but with much meaning and hopefully it is understood. Or not?

edited to correct inaccuracies,,,sorry.

P.S. ...sometimes "Autistic" people are said to "communicate" things in the "wrong way", or in a manner which may be misunderstood. This does happen. 'Bye for now.

Greets, again. I was not here yesterday, and so I only reply - sort of - to this now...

Lana55 said:

I'm not saying that communication is not hard for Aspies, but I'm telling you that if my friend wants something, he'll find a way to communicate it. And he'll communicate it fast, load and clear.

...This is very very true. But I did not know that you were asking on behalf of "a friend"... this is a NEW factor. And so as I do not know about your "friend"'s imagination compared to what you Post... I may leave off from here, now, sorry. There are other people here to talk to, and so do not worry...

Lana55 said:

Nice. But you know that sometimes, even when you actually see something, you can't believe your eyes.

...I believe my own eyes fine, Thank You. If I see something weird/new, then I have a lot of compensators... Experience, Logic, Myth, Books, Other people's advice... that sort of thing. Nothing is impossible... and so I believe that everything is possible... even if it is just not "Common", that is all.

Please do not regard this as a "hostile" Post - for it is not! Good Luck to you, and do listen to the others who also post here!

Disambiguating Cynosure said:

Greets. (!) Just to provide another point-of-view... I myself have a SUPER-"rich" imagination, and that, um, allows me to be able to see how everything IS possible in Infinity. But I also have a massive LOGIC, which keeps it in check, in relation to whatever I know about to whom I am speaking.

Nice. But you know that sometimes, even when you actually see something, you can't believe your eyes.

Disambiguating Cynosure said:

In being "direct" might you rather mean "telling it like it is", as opposed to "beating about the bush" (prevarication/stalling)...?

Yes, buying time is also a factor.

I'm not saying that communication is not hard for Aspies, but I'm telling you that if my friend wants something, he'll find a way to communicate it. And he'll communicate it fast, load and clear. He has a good excuse for not feeling well now, so I'll give him that.

Lana55 said:

I have a rich imagination and that makes things hard to believe sometimes.

Greets. (!) Just to provide another point-of-view... I myself have a SUPER-"rich" imagination, and that, um, allows me to be able to see how everything IS possible in Infinity. But I also have a massive LOGIC, which keeps it in check, in relation to whatever I know about to whom I am speaking. In being "direct" might you rather mean "telling it like it is", as opposed to "beating about the bush" (prevarication/stalling)...?

I think, in what you say as a "vulnerable" situation, then we/I would simply clam up (not say anything). ! It is different for everyone and in different situations. In self-defence, or in protecting others, for example.

Myself... I give an easy hint, and then give the interrogator a HARD Look, and say: Do you really want me to GO INTO DETAIL about that??

Yes. I really had to fight the urge to post this in the DWP thread.

[Intro]
Huh
Yeah, we're comin' back in with another bomb track
Think ya know it's all of that, huh
Ayyo, so check this out, yeah

[Chorus]
Know your enemy
C'mon

[Verse 1]
Born with insight and a raised fist
A witness to the slit wrist
As we, move into '92
Still in a room without a view
Ya got to know, ya got to know
That when I say go, go, go
Amp up and amplify, defy
I'm a brother with a furious mind
Action must be taken
We don't need the key, we'll break in
Something must be done
About vengeance, a badge and a gun
'Cause I'll rip the mike, rip the stage, rip the system
I was born to rage against 'em
Fist in ya face in the place and I'll drop the style clearly

[Chorus]
Know your enemy
Know your enemy
Yeah
Ayyo, get with this, ugh

[Verse 2]
Word is born
Fight the war, *** the norm
Now I got no patience
So sick of complacence
With the D, the E, the F, the I, the A, the N, the C, the E
Mind of a revolutionary, so clear the lane
The finger to the land of the chains
What? The "land of the free?"
Whoever told you that is your enemy
Now something must be done
About vengeance, a badge and a gun
'Cause I'll rip the mic, rip the stage, rip the system
I was born to Rage Against 'em
Now action must be taken
We don't need the key, we'll break in

[Bridge]
I've got no patience now
So sick of complacence now
I've got no patience now
So sick of complacence now
Sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of you
Time has come to pay

[Chorus]
Know your enemy

[Guitar Solo]

[Outro]
C'mon
Yes, I know my enemies!
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams
All of which are American dreams

Cassandro said:

Maybe it is more likely for an autistic man to play the role of Cyrano de Bergerac than Christian, if you get my drift, although quite possibly an eternally unrequited Cyrano. Just a thought.

Haha! There's one thing I know for sure: there's absolutely no way the author of the blog has any romantic interest in me. He's not Cyrano de Bergerac, nor Christian. He just wants to help my friend (whether that's related to me or not, that's what I find it believable and unbelievable at the same time).  And I'm not confusing the two of them, no worries :) 

But good point!

So even within the community, this is considered very indirect. Good to know.

Cassandro said:

Either way it may be difficult for him to express things. Either he'll not know what you're talking about, or he'll congratulate you on deciphering the clues.

Well put. If indirect and use of analogy fails, then sometimes the direct pathway is the only option if all you get in reciprocity is a blank expression.

Then,  what do you do if direct communication fails?

Songs, books, poems etc help to put words to an emotion or help articulate a response to a life situation. I read a great deal of fiction as a youngling and looking back I believe I used these as my “Haynes manual for life” - I.e trying to learn the nuances of human behaviour and interaction. The journeys of cause and effect, the scripts that needed to be learnt and applied.

I also find if I have more processing time to work out what is said and it’s implications and permitations then I tend to fair better. 

I am forever being accused of being blunt and direct.  And people who want sympathy shouldn't come to me (spoken word anyway, I am a lot better in writing).

However ... I also speak frequently in analogies, and quotes from here, there and everywhere.  Often others (NTs!) think my analogies are harder to understand than the thing I am trying to explain, and don't understand the relevance of the quotations I make.  Ho, hum.  But there again I can't understand them either!  So called 'body language' is in my opinion overrated.  It is entirely inappropriate to judge someone autistic by their body language as in many cases we can neither exhibit it nor interpret it.  And many NTs can't either!

I have also learned that if something can possibly be misinterpreted, it will be.  And if I misinterpret something, it is my fault (according to NTs that is!).  If I am misunderstood, it is also my fault (according to NTs).  And this is perhaps why I will go ahead and do something and not try to explain what I am doing or ask 'permission' first.  In the words of Grace Hopper, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than get permission.  Or in my case it is simply easier to do something than either ask permission or forgiveness.

That's very indirect. So maybe you are imagining it, picking up on a few things that are genuine coincidences. Why would a blog about international relations talk about Aspies opening up more? Does he have any known connection to the blog? It sounds implausible. On the other hand, what you're reading into what you're reading almost certainly does indicate something about the way you're thinking.

On another thread, I think you mentioned there's a possible romantic thing here, although you're unsurprisingly not sure what he's thinking. Romantic things are by nature very indirect in themselves. So autistic romantic things are so indirect they're invisible... on more than one occasion, it's taken me literally two years to say something even vaguely indicating interest.

Maybe it is more likely for an autistic man to play the role of Cyrano de Bergerac than Christian, if you get my drift, although quite possibly an eternally unrequited Cyrano. Just a thought.

Lana55 said:

I guess I could approach my friend and ask him directly about this, but I'm not sure how to do that without sounding like I'm going bonkers :)

To be honest, that's probably simplest, and being thought of as bonkers is an occupational hazard of the honest. Either way it may be difficult for him to express things. Either he'll not know what you're talking about, or he'll congratulate you on deciphering the clues. Start indirect and then get more direct, and it would become clear if he's behind what you think may be messages.

I do worry this suggestion is interfering, but you asked.

Oh, and btw the blog is about international relations & history, so very different from the occasional posts on analogies & personal relationships.