Published on 12, July, 2020
Read something on here the other day where some guy talked about the suicide rate in adult males in the Autistic community, not sure how true it were but it now has me thinking, what are your experiences, do you have suicidal thoughts?
My introduction thread explains my background for anyone interested
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/introduce-yourself/12880/aspergers-suggestion-by-therapist
Growing up I was a wrist cutter, I always have had suicidal tendencies. Obviously I've just put this down to being a depressive at times but in all honesty I've not even been depressed at times of doing it/thinking it. I now wonder if this links in some way, maybe frustration of not feeling 'right' to some sense.
This is all new to me and just about everything in my life in the past is now being questioned/looked at in a different light, very confusing.
I won't deny that I am having waves and fleeting thoughts about suicide, definitely not of the action type just yet but the thoughts are there. My therapist since the first session said I don't show emotion on my face unless it's an extreme emotion such as anger/happy etc, I got a bit upset this morning because the mother in law came round saturday and apparently she hopes she didn't piss me off as I seemed tense or pissed off, I actually really enjoyed them visiting so it came as a surprise to me today and I've related it to the flat effect with showing emotions on my face. It makes me wonder if this is what people think quite often, at work I always thought I was approachable but I've always known that other peoples perception doesn't match what I think. It's a bit of a difficult pill to swallow to know that someone thinks they've pissed me off when I think something completely different. Least now I understand why people have a different perception to me. (Hope all this makes sense, I'm venting a little).
im in my 50's awaiting my ASD assessment and have suffered with severe depression for 40 odd years I regularly cut my arms they' are just a blur of scars so much so i can hardly feel the scalpel i use due to nerve damage but i persist because i feel the need to punish myself to feel the pain see the blood and the constant reminder of the scars prove my punishment i have taken 2 overdoses both which proved unsuccessful and have been sectioned 3 times... the root cause .... horrific sexual abuse i suffered as a child that has hounded me all my life and will probably be the end of me one day and the help from mental health ?? pretty much non existent oh i don't blame my care workers or crisis team they do the best they can it's the bloated nhs managers creaming off the money that's eventually going to be the death of Nye Bevans dream of a free health service if you break a leg suffer a heart attack have kidney disease you are treated but disorders of the mind are still thought as non treatable by and large and until that perception changes nothing else will...
my apologies to anyone who i may have upset with my rather to the bone admission but anonimity has a certain liberating affect
Sorry to hear that. I think self-injury and depression are very common with autistic people. Maybe the assessment and consequent understanding will help.